I am not trying to be rude

Published January 4th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I am not trying to be rude but there is one hole in this religion that I need to point out. Pirates. How in the world do pirates have anything to do with global warming? There just people like any of us. Pirates are not different from us in anyway except for the way they act. Which (not to be rude) is totally barbaric. I think that this part of the religion needs to be thought over more to give a better explanation.

[Part 2]:

Ok, really this is the part of this religion that makes no sense. I mean how can pirates have any effects on the quality of the air in our ecosystem? I mean pirates are just humans with worse tempers and better clothes. We all know the reason for Global Warming is the pollutants in the air and increasing green house gases. If people would be more tidy and instead of throwing away there garbage; recycle it. Also with trees. If we could find a alternative way of staying the same as now but using different materials then we would be set in the department. Global Warming is a cause of humans acting stupid and not taking care of mother earth. Pirates; the only good thing about them is the fact that they look cool and plunder.

But either way I think that we need to have this part of this religion re-thought about.

82 Responses to “I am not trying to be rude”

  1. James D says:

    to that guy who mentioned the cruesades,
    dont forget the inquisition and witch hunts
    and of course, the way they butchered pirates merely for being individuals and then smered them, true though without that we would not have so many cool pirate movies and songs but was it worth it?
    you be the judge.

  2. Meena says:

    I can attest that Pirates are indeed, and were superior to common man. In my studies of the various pirates I have come to find that they were truly a democratic conglomeration! All men on board had a voice, a choice, and a means to express themselves. If you doubt how much more advanced his Noodlyiness created his prophets take this into consideration: Pirates had the first workman’s compensation program ever! They worked together to achieve their happiness, rejecting the dogmatic repression of the evil ones. Freedom, true love, equality, and happiness are their goal. There can be no higher ambition! Praise be to our Noodle! Ramen

  3. Darlene says:

    Proof that there is a connection between Pirates and Global Warming:

    We all know that Katrina was a real bitch because the gulf waters were a couple degrees warmer than usual. What some people may not know is that Katrina trashed a Pirate Ship in Biloxi. Before Katrina, gambling was only legal “off-shore” so the casinos were built on barges. Treasure Bay was a Pirate Ship instead of a barge. To see what Katrina did, go to:


    and scroll down.

    Unfortunately, the people who are rebuilding have not heard the word of FSM: “The new property will be a departure from the old world pirate theme to a much more modern look.”

    Arrrggh! All this time I was hoping they would rebuild the pirate ship. Being a former Biloxi resident, and later a frequent visiter, I practically watched that ship get built. I loved it even before I was touched by the noodly appendage.

    The only good news is: “The mermaid from the Bow of the ship will be kept for some yet undetermined purpose.”

  4. Raff says:

    It’s easy, pirates absorb carbon, the more pirates that exist the lower the carbon levels.

  5. JTown Barrett says:

    @ Raff

    Sorry, but I am a Nazi when it comes to things like this.

    Pirates absorb carbon dioxide and chloroflurocarbons[CFC’s]. It would be quite inconvenient if pirates went around absorbing all of the earth’s supply of carbon.

    Oh, and STN, there is evidence that is readily available for you that pirates have everything to do with global warming. Just go look at Mr. Henderson’s graph. That shouuld do it for ya.

    Just a theory, but STN and SATAN… A difference of two A’s. Coincidence? I think not.

  6. Crispmas Math says:

    Pirates don’t drive cars. Check. Pirates don’t ride jet aircraft. Check. Pirates don’t use fossil fuels. Check. Pirates don’t destroy forests to make giant factory farms. Check. Pirates don’t raise efluent making cattle. Check. Pirates reduce annoyingly wealthy populations of consumers. Check. I could go on but let’s face it: there is nothing less than an avalanche of evidence that pirates reduce global warming.

    While no Xtian can prove Noah’s story by personally building an arc and filling it with two of each species, FSMs can easily prove our faith by saying Arrr, eating fettucini, and shivering actual timbers.

    Oh ye doubters. Split open any animal and what does it look like? Spaghetti! Obviously created by the FSM! Made in his image no less.

  7. Linda says:

    I can guarantee you that if we all became true pirates, global warming would decrease. We should all accept this simple fact and do it. What would be the harm in trying it. It doesn’t make sense? You need more proof, you say? You don’t need proof of this or reason for that matter. All you need is faith!

  8. Maurog says:

    I invite you all to check this graph which demonstrates the negative correlation between pirates and global warming in the medium of Google searches. Even without any training, you will be able to see for yourself that when pirate influence rises, global warming decreases and vice versa. Our noodly God works in mysterious ways, but the gospel is true!

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