I am not trying to be rude

Published January 4th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I am not trying to be rude but there is one hole in this religion that I need to point out. Pirates. How in the world do pirates have anything to do with global warming? There just people like any of us. Pirates are not different from us in anyway except for the way they act. Which (not to be rude) is totally barbaric. I think that this part of the religion needs to be thought over more to give a better explanation.

[Part 2]:

Ok, really this is the part of this religion that makes no sense. I mean how can pirates have any effects on the quality of the air in our ecosystem? I mean pirates are just humans with worse tempers and better clothes. We all know the reason for Global Warming is the pollutants in the air and increasing green house gases. If people would be more tidy and instead of throwing away there garbage; recycle it. Also with trees. If we could find a alternative way of staying the same as now but using different materials then we would be set in the department. Global Warming is a cause of humans acting stupid and not taking care of mother earth. Pirates; the only good thing about them is the fact that they look cool and plunder.

But either way I think that we need to have this part of this religion re-thought about.

82 Responses to “I am not trying to be rude”

  1. Jorge Banner says:

    “But what happens when animals die?|” Whet do you think the Holy Meatballs are made of?

  2. JaffaofPrimer says:

    May i just say this sir. Pirates have entirely everything to do with it. Do not be so quick to discount their great importance in the masters Noodly plan. Pirates serve as a means for which the Master conveys his message to his humble followers. It is for that reason that the proper attire for conveying his message is pirate garb. This is to honor his messengers. It is sad that they have become a dying breed. Thank the FSM that Hollywood has Pastafarians who are willing to re-ignight the passion for pirating that the FSM has been deprived of for so very long.
    I recommend you purchase many of the fine wares we offer here, as well as read the Gospel of the FSM.
    Good Day

  3. Dylan Smith says:

    Didn’t you read about it…. Clearly as the number of pirates decreased, global warming increased. The evidence is overwhelming.

  4. Guy says:

    I can’t believe you actually think that the churche’s lies are true!
    The church has this lie of pirates being barbaric just because they didn’t follow the christianity faith, pirates are holy people.
    Our lord has shown us his love for pirates and their good deeds like giving candies to children by making a safer world, but because of your church, those pirates are all most gone, and that’s why our lord is angry.

    looks at our charts, they are charts, so they are scientific, which means that we’re right!

    May his noodle goodness show you how big his balls compare to your god.

  5. Pluto says:

    I’ve come up with a poem about religion. Check it out
    For all the non-believers, who don’t trust the word of god!
    Ushering in the lies of science, that man is related to dog!
    Can’t you see the truth, as stated in the Bible!
    Kill the infidels, as we can’t sue for libel!
    Eat of Jesus’ flesh, which to Catholics is wafer thin!
    Drink his blood of wine, to do otherwise is a sin
    Understand the meaning, learn the lesson well!
    Profess to god almighty, or end up burning in hell.

  6. Pluto says:

    @ Ande-
    I refer you to this post
    “Mr R Snake Nov 13th, 2007 at 4:26 am
    They came for me.
    They beat my broken defence body with sticks.
    They whooped “out devil out yee-har” as they struck me.
    Everything was a blur. A mad whirl wind of agony.
    Then I saw it. At first I thought they were of my kind, but impossible long and smooth and of purest white! They reached around my tormentors but they were blind to them. Until they squeezed. Then they saw! Then they screamed!
    As the white snakes covered everything I realised, they weren’t snakes like me. I’d seen the like before, dumped in the desert in cardboard boxes. They were noodles!
    I saw to great orangey brown orbs appear before me. They radiated warmth that heated me to the core, like a summer morning before it gets too hot stretched into eternity. Two eyes appeared before me. And a voice both gentle and powerful called out to me! “Sorry about that, I got a little drunk and now my world is polluted with their filthy kind. The mad walk free and clime it is the will of god! They have forgotten me but I never forget for my noodles flow throw all things! Came little one, suffer no more!” Everything was… I can’t explain it! Imagine black and white, dark and light and every colour you’ve ever seen at once. My god it was beautiful!
    The maelstrom of everything dissolved into shape, places people, ships!
    I was on a rocky mountain side. From the top of the mountain flowed a bitter sweet fizzy liquid. My kind normally get the water we need from our prey, but for the first time I could drink! It filled me with warmth, calmness, joy and an inflated sense of confidence and self image.
    “Arr there me lad’o!” I heard from behind me and tuned to see a human standing over me! I’d never seen one like this before. He had tatty clothes, big boots which sort of turned inside out at the top and a massive hat sat atop his bearded face. “Who are you?” I asked. “Arrr snakey me lad! I use to go by the name Captain Scare, but you can call me Tim. This be ev’in were the good and piraty play for eternity!” I suddenly realised that we could understand each other! Human and snake talking, different tongues but saying the same words! “What do I do now?” “Arrr matey. What ever pleases ye most! But I does suggest to ye that ye look over yonder rocks.”
    I crawled in the direction Tim pointed. Once I was over the rocks I saw females of my kind. They were shedding their skin by rubbing themselves against tall thin pillars of rock! I was amazed.
    I am no longer alone.
    When I’m not drinking or lounging in the sun or watching females shed their skin I sit on Tim’s shoulders and journey with him across endless sea’s exploring infinite Islands.
    I am happy.
    I am… Free!”

  7. Doggalina says:

    You see, in science, sometimes correlations are found; sometimes, they’re absolutely ridiculous, but turn out to be true. For instance, who would have thought that, by arranging the elements in order of increasing atomic number, a periodic relationship (see: correlation) would be evident? The same can be said about pirates. Trust science; it doesn’t lie.

  8. Pacific Pam says:

    @Pluto – Nice poem!
    @rmw – Fucking goldfisehes have to fucking evolve quickly…I over feed them all the time…I practically had a cementery of them in my patio…they make good plant food though, the roses were just beautiful.

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