I am not trying to be rude

Published January 4th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I am not trying to be rude but there is one hole in this religion that I need to point out. Pirates. How in the world do pirates have anything to do with global warming? There just people like any of us. Pirates are not different from us in anyway except for the way they act. Which (not to be rude) is totally barbaric. I think that this part of the religion needs to be thought over more to give a better explanation.

[Part 2]:

Ok, really this is the part of this religion that makes no sense. I mean how can pirates have any effects on the quality of the air in our ecosystem? I mean pirates are just humans with worse tempers and better clothes. We all know the reason for Global Warming is the pollutants in the air and increasing green house gases. If people would be more tidy and instead of throwing away there garbage; recycle it. Also with trees. If we could find a alternative way of staying the same as now but using different materials then we would be set in the department. Global Warming is a cause of humans acting stupid and not taking care of mother earth. Pirates; the only good thing about them is the fact that they look cool and plunder.

But either way I think that we need to have this part of this religion re-thought about.

82 Responses to “I am not trying to be rude”

  1. memoid says:

    interesting point…

    But I must respond to “I think that this part of the religion needs to be thought over more to give a better explanation.”

    You have to understand that we do not need to think about the religion at all. Luckily for us His Holiness The FSM has already done all the thinking for us and handed down The Scriptures with His Noodley Appendages… thus it is not for us to think and critisize, but to accept in faith His Holy Laws.

    If His Holyness says Pirates are the chosen people, then be it… the chosen people Pirates are. Then we must prance around in Pirate costumes and match our scientific data to The Scriptures.


  2. Onya fips says:

    Can I point out, to any body reading this, that half the hate mail here isn’t actually hate mail but constructive crititsism (however you spell it…)

    Jesus makes as much sense as FSM, creation etc

    Just because you believe in one thing doesn’t mean the whole worl has to…give a brak on the vicious hate ail guys!

    (I’m writing this here cause I can’t find a place to leave a regular comment)

    In my opinion I prefer the FSM to Jesus

    May you be touched by his noodly appendage!

    A Cecular Citizen of the world

  3. ChasIam says:

    I thought the graph clearly proved it. Fewer pirates = more global warming. Could it be any more obvious? (not to be rude)

  4. RossDaBoss says:

    Pirates were actually, contrary to public belief, were NOT the evil motherless dogs that movies make them out to be. They were democratic, ethnically integrated, social rebels who believed, above all else, in equality. Like this bus lady story. Henderbob makes a good point very clear.

    They were quite bloodthirsty tho…/:D

  5. BlacKats says:

    Thank FSM it’s Friday!

  6. Tar says:

    “How in the world do pirates have anything to do with global warming?”
    If you are questioning the statistics of Bobby’s graph, I congratulate you for 1) being a skeptical, and 2) be significantly smarter than a number of people in States. That said, I feel a desperate need to explain this correlation:
    You are right. Pirates have nothing to do with global warming. The correlation of the lack of pirates to global warming is just as bad as god proclaiming apocalypse in a form of global warming. And, for those naysayers, the constant fluctuation of earth’s temperature to the sudden rise of temperature (according to my textbook, the only natural event that competed with our global warming is when the asteroid hit the earth, decimating the dinosaur population).
    Just because apocalypse sounds ridiculously similar to global warming doesn’t mean the two are the same thing. It could be just coincidental. The Aztecs, remember, correctly predicted when the Spanish troops landed on their land, and totally decimate their population. Does this make their religion more correct than any other religion? Heck no (particularly the sacrifice to their sun-god)! The same goes to the apocalypse theory, which is what this “pirates and global warming” issue brings up.

  7. Pacific Pam says:

    Not to be rude, but if you want explanations go to the about section…

  8. beeble says:


    pretty damned funny. I love this place.

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