official missionary transportation

Published March 17th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Do you guys like this boat?


(you can’t really tell, but I crossed out the name of the boat, and wrote “church of the fsm”)

(note – in picture 2, there used to be a lady standing on the deck, but I photoshopped her out. You can still sort of see her legs if you look closely)

It’s not a pirate boat. But here’s the thing: it’s also not $2 million. This one’s a Tayana 37. The one pictured isn’t for sale, but they run about $100k, which we could probably handle *right now*.

The official FSM church missionary pirate boat IS going to happen, it’s just a matter of to what degree you want. I want to get everyone’s opinion on this. Wait until we can afford a “real” pirate ship, or get something smaller and start now? The Church makes nowhere near the amount of cash to get a millions-of-dollars boat anytime soon, if ever. The funds now are all coming from the t-shirts, car emblems, and book sales, and they’ve about leveled off. However, we do have a licensing arrangement, and there are some tv interests. That could mean some more cash for the pirate-boat-fund.

And there’s the option of fund-raising, but I’m guessing that people would be apprehensive paying into a fund like this (I would be). And are there that many seriously interested people who would pay $1k or more for a share of a pirate boat? I sort of wonder.

Maybe we could purchase a working boat, like a Baltic Trader (it’s sort of piratey), one of those ships that moves cargo from island to island in the tropics.

(baltic trader)

A trading ship would make enough money to keep it going (boats are crazy-expensive to upkeep). By the way, a Baltic Traders can easily go for a million dollars or more.
As for the actual missionary work we’ll be doing, I think it will take place somewhere tropical. Other than that, maybe we’ll just cruise around and wait for inspiration, like Jesus did.

And, as I’m sure there will be no shortage of volunteers, if we get a smaller boat we’ll have to figure out how to arrange the crewing,etc. And also I heard that it’s somewhat complicated to sail and maneuver around islands and other boats and things, so we’ll have to figure out a way to keep from sinking. Like a rule that at least a couple people onboard at anytime know what they’re doing.

Please discuss, I want to hear everyone’s opinions on this.

284 Responses to “official missionary transportation”

  1. Commodore Angryy says:

    @ Bazookoid
    Don’t diss Alchemist. i know where you comin’ from, on the flip side of yo pimp crib in da ghetto. but what yu got to do is get yoself out of them there ways and talk like a decent human being, i mean, i get that them hoes need pimpin for dissin yo and all, but that don’t mean yo got to pop a cap in their asses.
    Learn how not to say frikkin’, mate, and choad.
    By the way, as an Aussie, a can say i often try to fill my body up with beer.

  2. Donnie says:

    I for one would be more than happy to pay 1k, or more even, to have a share in the ship that would spread The Noodly One’s word. Count me on board….and the wench….and the pirate brat in trainin.
    IMHO, a Pirate ship would always be better than a modern yacht, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

  3. Doom says:

    A cheap one is located here:
    A really good deal, you could probably talk the guy down on the price.

  4. Sam Hudson says:

    Hey, where would this boat-church be located? Or would it travel around the world, spreading the holy word? I think it is a great idea. Also, does the US government recognize us as a valid religion yet?


  5. David Andersen says:

    Buy the Baltic Trader, it’s fine as a starter pirate ship. Like the Rainbow Warrior was for Greenpeace, the Pasta SeaFarian can be replaced after it’s blown up by French spies.

  6. Wench Sarah says:

    I sure hope we get a boat soon! It would be amazing to bring the supreme-fun of the FSM to some tropical place… ah, just picture it! under the FSM’s pirate flag, the wind in our hair, foam swords at our hips, and nothing but pasta and good times ahead of us. I’m excited! If we all continue to support this cause, then the dream will become a reality. I have full confidence! Let’s do this thing.
    Peace, Love, and Pasta,
    Wench Sarah

  7. sexypyrate says:

    A trading Ship would work perfectly! as long as it has sails.
    I live near one of the most important ports for trade in the Americas: Port Fourchon, South of New Orleans, Louisiana. and thought I’m a Piratess I’m sure I could learn how to be a mariner fairly easily, and share any reading materials and/or videos I find.
    RAMEN, we will sail around bringing the FSM and thus ending hunger!
    I personally plan to apply for a position on one of GreenPeace’s vessels.

  8. sexypyrate says:

    Many Pirates had fleets of vessels, we should look into getting a big trader, and some sailboats that ride the wake. and we can call him “Commodore Henderob”!

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