official missionary transportation

Published March 17th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Do you guys like this boat?


(you can’t really tell, but I crossed out the name of the boat, and wrote “church of the fsm”)

(note – in picture 2, there used to be a lady standing on the deck, but I photoshopped her out. You can still sort of see her legs if you look closely)

It’s not a pirate boat. But here’s the thing: it’s also not $2 million. This one’s a Tayana 37. The one pictured isn’t for sale, but they run about $100k, which we could probably handle *right now*.

The official FSM church missionary pirate boat IS going to happen, it’s just a matter of to what degree you want. I want to get everyone’s opinion on this. Wait until we can afford a “real” pirate ship, or get something smaller and start now? The Church makes nowhere near the amount of cash to get a millions-of-dollars boat anytime soon, if ever. The funds now are all coming from the t-shirts, car emblems, and book sales, and they’ve about leveled off. However, we do have a licensing arrangement, and there are some tv interests. That could mean some more cash for the pirate-boat-fund.

And there’s the option of fund-raising, but I’m guessing that people would be apprehensive paying into a fund like this (I would be). And are there that many seriously interested people who would pay $1k or more for a share of a pirate boat? I sort of wonder.

Maybe we could purchase a working boat, like a Baltic Trader (it’s sort of piratey), one of those ships that moves cargo from island to island in the tropics.

(baltic trader)

A trading ship would make enough money to keep it going (boats are crazy-expensive to upkeep). By the way, a Baltic Traders can easily go for a million dollars or more.
As for the actual missionary work we’ll be doing, I think it will take place somewhere tropical. Other than that, maybe we’ll just cruise around and wait for inspiration, like Jesus did.

And, as I’m sure there will be no shortage of volunteers, if we get a smaller boat we’ll have to figure out how to arrange the crewing,etc. And also I heard that it’s somewhat complicated to sail and maneuver around islands and other boats and things, so we’ll have to figure out a way to keep from sinking. Like a rule that at least a couple people onboard at anytime know what they’re doing.

Please discuss, I want to hear everyone’s opinions on this.

284 Responses to “official missionary transportation”

  1. Navigator Spider says:

    If we’re looking for crew can i submit a CV? I really can navigate!

  2. Azrael says:

    I think that jingles had a very good point there, that model could be used to provide the funds for the ship and its crew (lets face it the crew no matter how piratey needs to eat) Plus what about insurance? if a crew member who doesnt know what theyre doing crews up the boat or it sinks or whatever serious $$$ might be needed to fix it. Plus insurance helps alot if your going to be trading or anything like that, it gives you sort of a businessy apperance not a we’re-just-random-guys-doing-this-for-fun look. If youre going to be trading in tropical islands lool out for real modern day pirates too, we should carry a supply of arms with at least one person qualified to teach how to properly aim them, shoot the, safety etc, i would qualify for that and navigation :)

  3. Booty says:

    Excuse ME Mr Farty – but I am my *own* Booty, thank you very much!
    Leave me out of it! ;)
    Besides, I am going to be busy drinking, I mean, running the bar. :D

  4. Alchemist says:

    @ Nav Spider
    “If we’re looking for crew can i submit a CV? I really can navigate!”
    Glad you can. I couldn’t find my arse with both hands! :) Still have to go “Never Eat Shreaded Wheat” to remember the compass!

  5. Wench Beth says:

    To Booty… LOL, ROTF!!!!!!!!!

  6. Wench Beth says:

    Regarding the pirate ship, I can’t really give any intelligent advice about what to do — sorry, I don’t know anything about boats! But so far I like Scooter’s idea about the FSM becoming an official church, because that has all kinds of tax/financial benefits.
    I don’t think that most people on this site have $1000 (or even close to that) to spare for a donation to the ship. Not that they wouldn’t gladly do it if they could! So large donations probably wouldn’t work. Small ones would, I believe, but the money wouldn’t accumulate fast enough.
    What I *do* know for sure is that many of us Pastafarians (or should that be *we* Pastafarians?) would be willing to donate time to do marketing, public appearances, etc. If that helps in any way, I’m sure you’ve got ample manpower (and wench-power) there.
    Buying a smaller pirate ship to start might be an idea because we could get attention with that and do real missionary excursions, media spots, etc. Perhaps those events might lead to more, which means more money, which means a bigger boat… you get the idea.
    Personally, I will volunteer to do whatever. I’ve already been unofficially dubbed “the ship’s cook” but would rather do that PLUS some more hands-on work in sailing the ship. I have a couple contacts here and there in various ports. I really, really, REALLY like the idea of getting a pirate ship and will help in any way I can.
    RAmen to everyone and Happy St. Pat’s Day (which is actually an FSM holiday)!!

  7. Buccaneer Jerda says:

    Does any of ye even know ta sail?

  8. Wench Beth says:

    To Booty… almost forgot, there are some good medications which help with seasickness. I have personal experience with them; I once had a wonderfully embarrassing incident of throwing up over the side of a whale-watching tour boat (go ahead, laugh, everyone!). Once I found about various over-the-counter (and prescription) meds that help, I never had another problem on a boat again. Miraculously (and praise the FSM for this) my seasickness disappeared eventually and now I’m fine with no meds!
    I guess basically what I’m saying is I WANT YOU TO BE ON THE BOAT!! Not waiting onshore! :) The more wenches, the better :)))

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