official missionary transportation

Published March 17th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Do you guys like this boat?


(you can’t really tell, but I crossed out the name of the boat, and wrote “church of the fsm”)

(note – in picture 2, there used to be a lady standing on the deck, but I photoshopped her out. You can still sort of see her legs if you look closely)

It’s not a pirate boat. But here’s the thing: it’s also not $2 million. This one’s a Tayana 37. The one pictured isn’t for sale, but they run about $100k, which we could probably handle *right now*.

The official FSM church missionary pirate boat IS going to happen, it’s just a matter of to what degree you want. I want to get everyone’s opinion on this. Wait until we can afford a “real” pirate ship, or get something smaller and start now? The Church makes nowhere near the amount of cash to get a millions-of-dollars boat anytime soon, if ever. The funds now are all coming from the t-shirts, car emblems, and book sales, and they’ve about leveled off. However, we do have a licensing arrangement, and there are some tv interests. That could mean some more cash for the pirate-boat-fund.

And there’s the option of fund-raising, but I’m guessing that people would be apprehensive paying into a fund like this (I would be). And are there that many seriously interested people who would pay $1k or more for a share of a pirate boat? I sort of wonder.

Maybe we could purchase a working boat, like a Baltic Trader (it’s sort of piratey), one of those ships that moves cargo from island to island in the tropics.

(baltic trader)

A trading ship would make enough money to keep it going (boats are crazy-expensive to upkeep). By the way, a Baltic Traders can easily go for a million dollars or more.
As for the actual missionary work we’ll be doing, I think it will take place somewhere tropical. Other than that, maybe we’ll just cruise around and wait for inspiration, like Jesus did.

And, as I’m sure there will be no shortage of volunteers, if we get a smaller boat we’ll have to figure out how to arrange the crewing,etc. And also I heard that it’s somewhat complicated to sail and maneuver around islands and other boats and things, so we’ll have to figure out a way to keep from sinking. Like a rule that at least a couple people onboard at anytime know what they’re doing.

Please discuss, I want to hear everyone’s opinions on this.

284 Responses to “official missionary transportation”

  1. ihatemyspace says:

    I like both boats, but I think the trader may be a better first option. We should find out how many people those things can hold.
    Also, I volunteer to help sail whatever boat we end up with. I sort of know what I’m doing…

  2. Booty says:

    Wow Jingles!! I thought you were doing something strange at uni I can’t even begin to understand, not business studies! ;)
    Good ideas though – As long as you buy a quayside pub for me and RDPK to run for after pillaging refreshments.

  3. praise FSM says:

    This is a great start, we should get it for now!

  4. Pixel Pop says:

    I kinda know what I’m doing. I’m definitely not being the cabin-boy or whatever you call it.
    I’ll man the whell, I always was a good helmsman!
    The only experience I have is with sunfish and a 22 footer, these are probably a lot different, oh well.

  5. Batman says:

    I like the tradeship… it looks very piratey. The only boats I am really familiar with have motors… I’ve not really sailed before. But I have some weird extended family out in Toronto that run a sailing business. Not totally sure how it works, but they make the ship (or possibly just fix it up, not sure) and then sail it to it’s destination. Last summer my Dad went out there, and they took a boat from Ontario down to North Carolina, where they buyer was… and he learnt how to sail and everything. So, if we are short on crew members, I could always go and learn from Nan. (I think that’s her name… never met her myself.)

  6. Mr Farty says:

    Aaaarrrr, ye swarthy landlubbers!

    Sorry, just had to let that out. When I first saw the boat proposal last year, I thought you were off your trolley (to use an NHS term). But then most of us thought the same thing when we saw your open letter..and that kind of worked.

    If this isn’t going to be seen simply as “Bobby’s crafty plan to get his own yacht”, you’ll need to keep the focus on FSM-ism. Or against ID. Whatever.

    So how about using the boat for “educational” cruises? Sail into port, raid the local taverns for grog, pick up a few wenches and make the locals walk the plank while you take their booty? That’ll teach them the virtues of keeping a lookout. And, erm, make them think about pirates and that.

    And it’s self-financing.

    May His Noodliness go with you always.

  7. Pixel Pop says:

    Oh and btw:
    My vote’s for the baltic trader, hell of a nice ship.

  8. Navigator Spider says:

    The baltic trader is the better option, mainly for hold space and accomodation. plus the ability to hold better parties (sermons) however there are some considerations you need to remember:
    it needs more crew with experience
    takes a LOT of looking after
    berths can be expensive and larger berths = more expensive

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