fsm haikus

Published January 19th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

I was bored at work today(the mortgage industry is slow) and wrote some haiku. I hope you like them.

Praise be unto You
Flying Spaghetti Monster
Creator of all

Stripper factories
And beer volcanoes await
In the afterlife


*UPDATE – 1/19/2007 * 

Here are some more Haikus, found in the comments section. Very nice.

Yes I have been touched
By His Noodley Appendage
It was a Good Touch

Flying Spaghetti
Monster is the way of Life
Praised be He! RAmen.

Midget, moutains, trees,
His Noodley Appendage
Has made all to be.

Pirates the Chosen
Dictating the global temp
Wear your Regalia

With His noodley
Appendage I have been touched
But not like that priest

To be a Pirate
and save the hole earth from DOOM

Our Noodly master
Created the seven seas
For use by pirates

All hail His noodles
His meatball’s flavor sacred
And his sauce divine

Priests Molest Children
But the Spaghetti Monster
Loves Us Properly

Noodles in the Sky
Pirate fantasies fulfilled
Now cool down, hot world!

The Pasta Monster
He grasps my with his noodles
Crap, I got scurvy


The creator who holds us dear
did not look as what we hear.
he was not a man, or human at all
he was made of spaghetti and two meat balls.
he made us all
originally short
and it wasn’t even his last resort
Pirates are his people,
holy are they
who end every sentence with “Arrgh” as they pray.
Some might not believe,
but it is a fact,
our God was pasta
no, this isn’t an act
So lets all give
a hip hip horray
the FSM is here to stay

83 Responses to “fsm haikus”

  1. Mooseman says:

    Sudsy volcanos
    Giant stripper factories
    Priates Paradise

  2. Gnocci Man says:

    I had some spare time, you can just try to imagine the tune (or make up your own):
    Background chant: Yo ho ho ho, Yo ho ho ho (In a piratey sort of way)
    Leader: (sorry, couldn’t really piraticize his/her speech yet)
    It’s great to be a pirate an’ to sail th’ seven seas,
    It’s great to serve the FSM, and do just what we please,
    We all worship his noodleyness and drink volcanic beer,
    And fight the fundamentalists will jolly pirate cheer!
    For science! For science!
    We sail the ocean wide!
    For science! For science!
    And make the fundies hide!
    For science! For science!
    And drop the global temp!
    For science and the FSM we sail towards tax exempt!
    Now you all know the story of the famous Davy Jones,
    His locker is the storage place of all good pirates bones,
    We’d really like to join them but we have a place reserved:
    Up in the stripper factory, and does that make us perves!?
    Perhaps you’ve heard some anecdotes of hate-mail on our site,
    It keeps us strong and has us up late laughing every night,
    We wonder why they think that we will burn for what we say,
    When they say that the place we’ll burn is up in frozen Norway
    All together:
    For science and the FSM,
    We give a hearty Aaaarrrhh!
    RAmen, and feel free to make any changes you like!

  3. Gnocci Man says:

    Down with religion
    When it poses as science
    Noodles to help us

  4. econgineer says:

    How about a limerick…

    Thar once was a Pasta divine,
    Who refuted intelligent design.
    Midgets, mountains, and trees created.
    Freethinkers and pirates related,
    “Your invisible friend is weaker than mine”

    The meter is weak, but I like it :)

  5. Gnocci Man says:

    Limericks, hm? Let me give it a go…
    There is a great a monster of flight,
    Whose pasta reigns high day and night,
    Bobby Henderson’s letter
    Made us feel much better,
    And His meatballs and sauce are just right!
    And as a post scriptum, change the “frozen” part of my earlier song to saying ‘cold’. It fits in more easily with the rhyming pattern.

  6. Alchemist says:

    Hahaha. Limeric time eh?

    Mary had a little skirt,
    Split high upon one side,
    And everywhere that Mary went,
    The boys could see her thigh.

    Mary had another skirt,
    Slit, right up the front,
    But she never wore that one!

  7. Gnocci Man says:

    I’m not sure that that is a limerick, but who cares. Also, is there any chance that this might explain the whole “virgin birth” thing? In Ancient Greece women would sometimes explain “inexplicable” pregnancies with Europa and the Bull type stories (i.e.: I was walking through the market, and I saw this LOVELY pig… to which the husband/parent/etc would reply “ZEUS!”; If you aren’t familiar with Greek mythology, then don’t ask me to tell you about it, just do a google), and who’s to say that Miss “Virgin” Mary didn’t use the same slip on her husband?

  8. Alchemist says:

    Hahahaha. Yup, Zeus was a bit of a lad. I did CS and Latin at school but a bit rusty. I remember that Circe had a thing for pigs too!

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