Kansas Outlaws Practice Of Evolution

Published December 5th, 2006 by Bobby Henderson

The satirical news magazine The Onion has a new article out on the Kansas Intelligent Design / Evolution issue:  Kansas Outlaws Practice Of Evolution.

In response to a Nov. 7 referendum, Kansas lawmakers passed emergency legislation outlawing evolution, the highly controversial process responsible for the development and diversity of species and the continued survival of all life.


Link to article.

133 Responses to “Kansas Outlaws Practice Of Evolution”

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  1. Wench Nikkiee says:

    ‘Save me a cave…ok!’
    Umm….my mistake….no hills/mountains, no caves huh! A foxhole perhaps?

  2. J says:

    ‘There are no Atheists in foxholes’, it’s been said. But *Pastafarians*…

  3. Wench Nikkiee says:

    You know well J, that I am no atheist, (godless non- believers shall have no strippers OR beer) for His Noodleyness is thy true, one and only savior.

  4. Spider says:

    i find witches much more receptive to a warm bath, bottle of grog and maybe a back rub. turns em into wenches in no time….

  5. daqq says:

    well, maybe it’s true, and people in kansas AREN’T evolving anymore. They’ve grown to be dumb, which suits them perfectly, their enviroment doesn’t require to use a brain.

    Or maybe they ARE evolving…In 2506 a person from kansas will have a sign saying “I’m a republican and I’m proud of it” from birth, a brain the size of a orange and their brain whenever confronted with a different opinion will initiate a massive drooling process…

  6. Peg-Leg the Zealus says:

    Yargh, me-thinks the misguided leglislators of Kansas be not only sauceless, but also full of scurvy. Why else would they be doin’ such hornswagglin’ and misdirectin’? Time to send down to Davy Jone’s Locker says I…or maybe Canada. Yargh!!!

  7. Pixel Pete says:

    “The sweeping new law prohibits all living beings within state borders from being born with random genetic mutations that could make them better suited to evade predators, secure a mate, or, adapt to a changing environment.”
    “In addition, it bars any sexual reproduction…”
    “Violators of the new law may face…rehabilitative education and training to rid organisms suspected of evolutionary tendencies”
    Those pesky organisms!
    “Under particular scrutiny are single-cell microorganisms…”
    That’s right, no good amoebas
    “Although the full impact of the new law will likely not be felt for approximately 10 million years, most Kansans say they are relieved that the ban went into effect this week, claiming that evolution may have gone too far already.”
    I’m done with sarcasm for this one, what a bunch of morons!!!
    “A police raid on an alleged artificial-insemination facility outside McPherson, KS on Friday resulted in the arrest of a farmer, a veterinarian, four assistants, one bull, and several dozen cows.”
    They’re just doing their jobs
    Pixel Pete strikes again!!!
    Xenophobia rules!!!

  8. Mad John Kidd says:

    Sorry to disappoint you guys but Kansas already had its first case of bird flu. Even the new law can’t go back in time and change that. At least, not without a Time Lord anyway.

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