Get a bible and read it throughly

Published December 28th, 2006 by Bobby Henderson

Get a bible…and read it throughly
Stop being stupid
God is our maker
leave that as it be, because it IS the truth
and to the comment above me, that was god hoping to help.
I feel for all of you who believe this idiotic belief.
and i hope you change sometime in your life so you can make it to heaven.



1,010 Responses to “Get a bible and read it throughly”

  1. Rasputin says:

    Yes, Cap’n. I wouldn’t want to eat a dead dog even if I was Korean.

  2. Captain Birdseye says:

    That would be a zombie dog, of course, which not even Koreans can boast. Jew-on-a-stick seems to be the only zombie dish on offer.

  3. Excelsior says:

    I have many Christian friends who want to convert to Pastafarian because Saint Peter won’t let them take their dog with them into heaven. Not only are they not allowed to take dogs into heaven, in heaven you lose your sex and family and become a sexless angel and have no activities except singing hossannah 24\7\365. It will drive you crazy!

  4. Gnocchi SaintPudding says:

    Helooooo Pastas! Nope, I hadn’t fallen off the edge of the earth. Back home again and catching up on your conversations. I send you best wishes.

    • Keith says:

      Welcome back your Puddingness! I thought you’d been kidnapped by aliens and had been spreading the sauce around Zeta Reticuli.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      G’day, St. Pudding. I had assumed you’d been captured as a tribal bride.

  5. Gnocchi Saint Pudding says:

    Dear Pastas, Do you know whatever happened to Captain Bluebeard? Did his pirate ship makeover plans go ahead? He just dropped off our radar: Kerplonks! and stopped posting: Kerplunks!
    I certainly found him most entertaining. I’ve been catching up on all you silly buggers’ posts. You all still talk funny and nothing much seems to have changed. I’m just as convinced as ever that your mothers still dress you real ugly. As for The Sauceror…. Well, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that the Kraken really did get him in the end. He was a real favourite of mine. What a helluva loss to this website. But to find the rest of you stalwarts still posting, what a treat! Gosh I’m glad to be back from the bush. And to Captain Birdseyelashes: do enjoy your music fest! Some sage said: “Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.”

  6. Gnocchi Saint Pudding says:

    Dear Captain Eyebird. You are the ugliest kangaroo I have ever seen. However, I now understand why nothing seems to rattle you and why you never get up in arms about anything.

  7. Gnocchi Saint Pudding says:

    Hi Apprentice Frederick, Hello to you again too, buddy Pasta!

    BTW: I, too, am finding the climate change conversation an interesting one. I’m a woossie sit-on-the-fence skeptic, I know, but it has been said that the case against science is straightforward: that, simply, much of the scientific literature (suggested perhaps half) is simply untrue and I tend to agree.

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      Sainted. G., thanks for your cheery greeting! Your skepticism does you credit- as usual. BUT a comparison of the AIP’s discussion of C14 data with regard to climate change with Answers in Genesis’s discussion of C14 data and the earth’s age shows a big difference in – er — class, hee hee.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        AF, one must always refer to AiG for cutting-edge theories that explain observations. I can’t see their evidence for supernatural forces, though.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          Awww, Cap’n B., you must be one of those people who believe that climate change is changing the earth’s axis wobble instead of the hand of Jehovah

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Yes, AF, except that The FSM, who makes the Earth wobble, is neither supernatural nor imaginary. AiG claims, erroneously, that ‘sin’ is the cause.
          Anyway, it’s far too hot where I am and I would welcome being shifted to a more temperate latitude. A beach frontage would also be nice, perhaps with some decorative icebergs and penguins, but, I suspect a 3,000 foot rise in sea level may be hoping for too much.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          Cap’n B., thanks for your comments; they have helped me rethink some few issues of faith. I was going to suggest that an appropriate body generate something analogous to the Nicene Creed, but see paradoxes about dogma that perhaps only a sober FSM could resolve. R’Amen/Arrrgghhh

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          AF, perhaps a Creed that affirms something like: ‘I do NOT believe in dogma… etc.
          Wasn’t the Bible Belt once a sea and big areas remain close to sea level?There is hope yet of taking the Ark and sailing her off.

  8. Gnocchi Saint Pudding says:

    Dear Keith, Hello to you again, too. Whenever I get back home each year (- and meh,ugh, – in 8 weeks I’m off again for four months ) Anyway, whilst at home, in-between I grab some time to attempt fun smallish crafts and new interests. Wanting to experiment and fiddle with Origami, I also came across a papercraft book showing how to construct three types of dinosuars. Will do them in your honour!

    • Keith says:

      Dear Pudding:
      It’s really great to hear from you again! Thank you for constructing the papercraft dinosaurs in my honour! Please give my regards to the living dinosaurs for me (Ostriches). My current project is doing a costume of my interpretation of the “Gentleman with the Thistledown Hair” from “Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell”, which I intend to dry run on Halloween and wear at the pride march on the 11th of November. I’ll wear it in your honour, even though you aren’t related to any fairies (not that I know of, anyway). ;-)

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      What about my hopping dinosaur?
      In my particular science, the research that is considered to be ‘lies’ is mostly produced by the pharmaceutical industry. Half of my training was how to dismantle defective statistics.
      The issues I had with Bill’s claim is that no climatologist claims ‘Catastrophic’ Climate Change (except to polar bears) and carbon dioxide ceased being the focus several years ago. Methane is the current target, mostly from termites (not cattle) that prosper under industrial agricultural methods. To me, the biggest problem is the ever-increasing, huge tonnage, of worse-than-DDT agrochemicals used to combat them. Also, no scientist denies that natural climate cycles occur, but, there are small cycles within longer cycles, within immensely long cycles. A mathematical process called Fourier Analysis revals these overlapping cycles. Only a professor of climatology will understand how to debunk any false claims.

    • Rasputin says:

      Origami is a useful martial art. If you’re attacked by a giant paper duck, you’ll beat it off and flatten it.

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