16987 Views
349 Comments

Update on the burglary

Published May 18th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

We think it was probably our neighbor’s daughter’s friends.  Some of our other neighbors were around when it happened, and saw them sitting on the stairs, hanging out.  We’re thinking it’s unlikely that someone else walked up the stairs – past them, took a bunch of stuff and walked out.   They (the neighbor’s friends) said that they didn’t see anything, and then immediately took off. We know what school they go to, and the police lifted some fingerprints… so there’s hope.

15898 Views
109 Comments

Someone broke into my apartment today

Published May 17th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Someone broke in while we were gone for 30 minutes and stole a bunch of stuff. It could have been much worse, but these things I will miss:

  • IBM Thinkpad T43 Laptop – with a giant black pirate-fish decal on it. This had a LOT of FSM-related stuff that was in progress. I had a lot of stuff backed up, but it’s all older versions.
  • Nkon D200 DSLR Camera with Nikkor 18-200mm VR Lens. It was less than 2 weeks old. Any pictures taken with it will have my name and email in the exif metadata.

If anyone comes across the above items by some chance, let me know please. I have the serial numbers.
Remember to back up your work frequently, and keep the backup somewhere else.

35492 Views
480 Comments

I was tricked by Jehovah’s Witnessess!

Published May 16th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

I almost got shot. kinda.

A few days ago, as I was leaving my apartment, a car sped across the parking lot to intercept me. I had just about reached my car when I noticed the driver stopping directly behind my car, blocking me. The two passengers jumped out of the car and came straight at me.

I get a lot of hate-mail and I’ve had more than a few death threats. I keep my address a secret, but I’ve had people track me down in the past. So, when I saw a car speed up and two people jump out, it freaked me out.

One of them asked me if I valued the mind and body benefits of exercise. I said yes and that I needed to get going. They assured me that they’d move the car, but perhaps I wanted to take some reading material with me to look over when I had more time.

So I took their pamphlet. My only excuse is that I thought I was going to get stabbed or something, and I just wanted to get out of there. It wasn’t until later that I looked at the pamphlet. It slowly went from exercise to Jesus. It turned out to be disguised Jehovah’s Witness propaganda, the Watchtower. I figured that they tricked me fair and square, so I felt obligated to read it.

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What I learned by this experience

The pamphlet, itself, was kind of Jesusy. But it gave me some fantastic ideas for expanding the Pastafarian congregation. Clearly, the way to get more members is to trick them; make them think they’re signing up for one thing and then – bam – all the sudden you hit them with the gospel-speak, and you’ve got them.

So, I’ve decided that we’re going to do a similar campaign to trick people into joining FSM, specifically, members of other religions, especially the religions who propagandize. I figure that we’ve already got the open-minded people, now we need the gullible ones.

Internet advertising – like magic, but nerdier

You can target advertisements to specific categories of websites. We’re going to be targeting competing religious websites. Any religion who hands out pamphlets is fair game. Lots of religious websites sell ad-space through 3rd parties, and we’ll be able to place OUR ads on their pages, and steal their members.

It’ll work like this: their members will go to the church websites as usual, and they’ll see a small ad suggesting that there is more to their religion. Some of them will click the ad and be brought to a specific catch page, where they’ll hear fantastic arguments on why they should convert.

I need your help with any of the following:

1) Specific strategies for each religion. For example, for Jehovah’s Witnesses, we could push that we, also, reject Orthodox Christianity. And the strategies don’t need to be that on-topic. The Jehovah’s Witnesses got me with an exercise pamphlet, we could just as easily have a pirate angle or something. We’ll have different strategies for the other religions – Mormons, Young Earth Christians, Scientologists, etc. Let’s brainstorm. Either post in the comments or send me an email at bobby.henderson@gmail.com

2) Nich text ads. We need short, catchy text ads that will appeal to each of the target religions. The content of these ads will be more clear once we’ve established our strategies for each religion.

3) Small Image Ads. People with art skills, get creative. Same deal with the text ads, we’re going to know more once we know what our angle is. We’ll need ads in the following dimensions:
200×200
250×250
468×60
336×280

4)Individual Catch Pages. Once they click the ad, they’ll be brought to a page on the FSM site which will expand on the idea presented in the ad and slowly make the argument that they should convert to Pastafarianism. I need help with this.

5) Money. I’ve put aside a few thousand for this. Ads cost between $0.25 and upwards of $5 per thousand views. I’m hoping for a budget of at least $5k. If you want to help, you can either donate, or buy some FSM merchandise.

So, that’s my idea. What do you think?

34985 Views
42 Comments

New chart

Published May 16th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

I made a newer, shinier, Temperature Vs. Pirates chart. It’s being printed in the college text “The Presence of Others“.
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Tuned in to your FSM page today on a “tip” from a friend

Published May 15th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Tuned in to your FSM page today on a “tip” from a friend. Then I read through all the bullshit you could deliver…hmmm..

I have to admit it’s very clever copy, very tempting–but for a target audience I can’t imagine. Who? Middle-aged, overweight, and divorced heterophylls?

Physics major, huh? You should’ve gone into ceramics…you know…or advanced welding design, or maybe a sausage making class might help you get over it.

But you’re a good comic, for sure! It’s pure Vaudville! Burns & Allen couldn’t do it better! Saturday Night Live is no competition to your act. Wow! It’s all bullshit, of course, and everybody, I hope, knows it. But you’re quite the comedian and you’ve been able to pull it off!

Are you making any money off this? You must be…you’re no fool!!

I might be able to round up some charitable donations for you…you know, the same kind of folks who eagerly respond to telemarketers selling phone card machines

But, Bobby, Bobby, what you fail to understand, you poor fool, is that what you really need to do, for your deepest self-of-selfs is to…find yourself a new bitch, asshole!!!!

P.S. Do you have you enough information to process & respond to this…?

-CML1

9459 Views
47 Comments

more art

Published May 15th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

saint_paraskevi_small.jpg

Sent by I-ya Pastare. I like it.

20402 Views
63 Comments

one more

Published May 15th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

fsm_id_rather_you_didnt_sm.jpg

20905 Views
57 Comments

Ancient FSM art

Published May 14th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

From “Cap’n Dollarcorn; a Buccaneer:

flying-spaghetti-monster2.jpg fsm-cosmic-sphere.jpg

35051 Views
92 Comments

Jolly-fish tattoo

Published May 14th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Just received an email with the following picture:

jollyfishtat_sm.jpg

Nice work, Shaynard.

To my knowledge, there are now about 10 Pirate-Fish tattoos worldwide, and a couple of the FSM, Himself.

I am very concerned about something

Published May 13th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson
I read your web site and I am very concerned about something.  I consider myself a good Christian and I have read the Bible many times (not like some of the so-called Christians people who post to your web site and just yell and say stupid things).  So I am familiar with most parts of the Bible but in no place that I have seen is there any reference to pasta or a being that resembles your flying spaghetti monster.  God created man, and man created pasta, but if it was any different than that there would be a reference in the Bible.  So I am worried that perhaps your religion is not based on real evidence that God wrote.  Please feel free to write back to me and I will be glad to discuss this with you if you like.
God bless,
Cinta

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