The Piro-vision Song Contest

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Oi's be truly amazed at the quality of talent in the Eurovision Song Contest (or lack thereof). It be truly an amazin' array of 3-minute kitsch. Some of those acts in the Semi-final were truly hideous. Can the Final on Sunday be any better?

http://www.eurovision.tv/english/index.htm

Oi's be thinkin' that we can 'ave our own Piro-vision Song Contest. O'is be thinkin O'is might limber up me vocal chords (after a few rums) and belt out a few ditties of me own. Oi be enterin' singin' a song called 'Yo ho ho...a parrotin I will go'

Aparently Brenda will be beltin' out one of her numbers

[black bart]

I'm so glad Finland made it through - a scurvier bunch o gothic gits I have ne'r seen afore!

What about 'Pirate on a string'.

I wonder if we string up the Captain up there
If we let the blaggard dangle way up in the air
Like a pirate on a string

Apologies to Sandy Shaw

[The Black Spot]

Boom-Bang-a Bang.

Our guns go Boom-bang-a-bang, Boom-bang-a-bang, when you are near,
Boom-bang-a-bang, Boom-bang-a-bang, fills you with fear.
Poundin Away, Poundin Away, your ship will be mine,
Boom-bang-a-bang, in no time.

Arrr, much better than the Clodagh bloody Rogers version.

[walktheplank]

When I be just a little lad
I asked my daddy what should I be
should I plunder, should I rob
ere's what he said to me

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be will be
a pirate cap'n you will be
Que Sera Sera

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

Oi wuz thinkin somethin with a noice techno beat, gyrating piratey dancers and a nice cheesy guitar solo

Yo ho ho a parrotin I will go,
Oi'll sail the seas O'ill catch some fleas
and eat them for my lunch

Yo ho ho a parrotin I will go,
Woodlice patties on me barbeque
will eat them for main meal

[black bart]

The trouble is the English never win the Eurovision song contest ye have to be Belgian or Irish!

What about an Irish entry in the style of Thin Lizzy:

The Pirates are back in Town

Guess who just got back today
Those scurvy knaves that had been away
Haven't changed stole our wenches away
YYAARR but those blaggards stink

They were askin if you were around
With a pistol to me head I told em where you could be found
Said you owed em a sizable sum
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes!

The Pirates are back in Town etc

[Griffin]

When I was young my father said
Son I have something to say
And what he told me I'll never forget
Until my dying day

He said, Son you be a cabin boy
And that's the way to stay
So you be a cabin boy
Until your dying day

When I was sixteen I fell in love
With an Admiral sweet as can be
But I remembered just in time
What my daddy said to me

He said, Son you be a cabin boy
And that's the way to stay
So you be a cabin boy
Until your dying day

As time goes by I probably will
Meet a Pirate and fall in love
Then I'll get screwed, Have a pain in the butt
And be as sick as a parrot or dove

But until then
I'll be a cabin boy
And that's the way to stay
Happy to be a cabin boy
Until my dying day
Yeah, I'll be a cabin boy
And that's the way I'll stay
Happy to be a cabin boy
Until my dying....daaaay

[black bart]

And now the votes from the Swansea jury:

Walk the Plank... nul points
Dave L ...Un point
Black Bart...deux points
The Black Spot...Sept Points

and the douz points go to...Griffin

[Griffin]

Is douz point that number Oi cant be countin as fas as?

[black bart]

I think it means you be winning...

be glad of the votes because you'll get nothing from the Eastern European Countries - they all vote for each other and Russia. Greece will vote for Cyprus. Turkey will vote for Germany. Andorra will vote for Spain etc etc
What a stich up!

[The Black Spot]

Arrr, tis the same fer us though.

We always give The Royal Navy null points, an the big douze goes to the highwaymen.

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Many congrats to Finland. That wuz freakin hilarious! Oi thought Norway's glam rock caper last year wuz pretty funny, but that wuz awesome (awesome get it, get it...Terry Wogan picked up on the number of awesomes used).

Who was that dude from Holland phoning in the scores...can we make 'him walk the plank?

- Sorry Greece, but that Anna Vissi was too melodramatic - bloody awful song!
- Turkey not bad - quite a catchy little ditty, nice tatts
- Russia was probably a deserved second - good song, nice use of chick popping out of piano.
- My wench of Eurovision went to Ukraine...that girly Tina Karol singin 'Show Me Your Love' in that tunic was too much for this ole pirate to take.
- YArrrr...Daz Sampson (UK)...what's going on with the rap and teenie boppers?

Oi's wuz so horrified to see Nana Mousskouri, O'is took off - she still be scary after all these years.

YArrrrr - o - vision

[black bart]

Dave L wrote:

Oi's wuz so horrified to see Nana Mousskouri, O'is took off - she still be scary after all these years.

Blast - I thought I'd marooned her on a Banana Plantation - she must have escaped! I thought she'd never get off cos every time she called for help they'd say - Nana?... yep that's right Bananas - we'll have half a ton!

I turned over at that point because if she'd sung twood have caused a mutiny!

[walktheplank]

is there nowt for a Pirate to do in Oz but watch the Euro Song Contest no one in Blighty has watched it for 40 years.

I think the idea is to ensure you have a crap song to make sure you don't win it and be lumbered with organising it next year. Problem is they are all crap somgs so if your unlucky you'll end up winning it. Remember the classic UK winner "Save yer wenches fer me"

The Finnish group who won it this year were a 3rd rate Kiss who were doing better costumes and music before they were born

[Tickle]

Lithuania's song was great though... And that bald guy who danced... hee hee hee... "Vee are da weeners of Eurovision!"