Glorious St. Barney, model of all those who are devoted to liquor, obtain for me the grace to drink conscientiously in social settings, putting the need to pace myself above my many sins; to drink with thankfulness and joy, considering it an honor to embibe responsibly and develop, by means of pacing myself, the gifts received from our Beloved Flying Spaghetti Monster; to consume with order, peace, prudence and patience, never spilling or leaving half a beer behind; to drink, above all, with purity of intention, and with detachment from self and the hot number sitting two stools down, having always the specter of a massive hangover before my eyes and the account which I must render of time lost, of talents wasted, of good omitted, of vain complacency in success so fatal to the work of our Beloved Flying Spaghetti Monster. All for Fosters, all for Stoly's, all after thy example, O Patriarch Barney! Such shall be my motto in life and death. Amen.
John of Westport