Virgins v Strippers

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Virgins v Strippers

Postby wavering on Mon Sep 12, 2005 11:11 am

I notice that you guys are promising a stripper factory in heaven, which is a pretty good start BUT the Moslems, are offering me 72 virgins if I become a martyr. So can you ... er ... flesh out the stripper aspects a little? Do we get to only watch or do these strippers ... er ... actively participate, so to speak?

You also need to give some thought to chicks - not all chicks like watching strippers. So, do they get to have hunks or maybe knitting circles? Not that I give a damn about what chicks want ( I'm English ) but neither do the Moslems so that may give you an edge in the market ...
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Re: Virgins v Strippers

Postby Sylvie369 on Mon Sep 12, 2005 11:23 am

wavering wrote:I notice that you guys are promising a stripper factory in heaven, which is a pretty good start BUT the Moslems, are offering me 72 virgins if I become a martyr. So can you ... er ... flesh out the stripper aspects a little? Do we get to only watch or do these strippers ... er ... actively participate, so to speak?

You also need to give some thought to chicks - not all chicks like watching strippers. So, do they get to have hunks or maybe knitting circles? Not that I give a damn about what chicks want ( I'm English ) but neither do the Moslems so that may give you an edge in the market ...


Er, "Chicks"? :?

Good question, though, re. the strippers. I assume that any heaven worthy of that title promises active participation, and that the stripper factory is simply a great way to provide people of both genders who are particularly skilled at motivating that participation. As some of the female FSMers have pointed out, actually removing the clothes is not always necessary (one suggested that Johnny Depp would be more to her liking than a random stripper, and could stay clothed as long as he did certain other things). Skilled strippers, of course, are well aware of that fact.

Of course some of the FSMers in the afterlife may prefer strippers who simply peel it all off as quickly as possible, but that is only one of many possible stripper behaviors. I am sure that all will be accommodated, and yes, there must be the opportunity for active participation as well.

I myself plan to stake myself out by the factory's loading dock where the Middle Eastern strippers come out, though I hope it's located near the one where the Hispanic ones emerge.
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Postby Athas on Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:36 pm

meh, all i ask is that the strippers are available after work... not like whores, but like normal people...(or angels, idk how they would look :P)
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Re: Virgins v Strippers

Postby VeryGnawty on Mon Sep 12, 2005 4:54 pm

wavering wrote:\

You also need to give some thought to chicks - not all chicks like watching strippers. So, do they get to have hunks or maybe knitting circles?


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Postby Cerberus on Mon Sep 12, 2005 10:50 pm

Yeah wavering, no-one said that the strippers were all female. I mean if they were Dee Dee and Capellini would kill us all. There are equal and ever changing numbers of strippers, all of whom are approachable "after work". The idea of you being offered Virgins as property is not exactly keeping with our ideas of equality of the sexes and all that. SO to sum up. Yes there will be strippers, Yes they will be of both genders, Yes they are up for the party.

Done and done. Hope all q's are answered.

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Postby Cynicus on Tue Sep 13, 2005 1:31 am

Now (and I know I'm opening myself up for several cheap-shots here but...) could I, in heaven, become a stripper myself? Or would it be an example of an oversaturated market, not alloweing up and commers?
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Postby GrueMaster on Tue Sep 13, 2005 2:29 am

In the Muslem religion, the deciples get 72 virgins. From what I understand about theology & anatomy, to only way they can be virgins, is complete and total abstinance.

That would really suck (oops, not even that much, as I'm sure fellatio would count at defiling the virgin soul).

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Re: Virgins v Strippers

Postby rickyroma on Tue Sep 13, 2005 3:28 am

wavering wrote:the Moslems, are offering me 72 virgins

Muslim heaven sucks because you can't ejaculate in the afterlife so it's eternal teasing.
I have faith in the evidence.
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Re: Virgins v Strippers

Postby TBoneTheBovine on Tue Sep 13, 2005 4:03 am

rickyroma wrote:
wavering wrote:the Moslems, are offering me 72 virgins

Muslim heaven sucks because you can't ejaculate in the afterlife so it's eternal teasing.


hmm, I've had a few people tell me they've ejaculated in the afterlife.
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Postby dust on Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:46 am

That's the point, what if your virgings are all used up? The factory will keep producing those strippers even after you're done with your first 72 (for whatever you do to get "done" with them").

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Postby rickyroma on Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:33 am

That's the point, what if your virgings are all used up?

I guess you'd have to keep it anal and oral AND not ejaculate.

Those poor muslims. May :fsm_crazy: have mercy on them for they know not what they do.
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Postby freethinker on Tue Sep 13, 2005 12:59 pm

Who wants a virgin anyways?

Oi likes me wenches with some x'prience :mrgreen:
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Postby Cerberus on Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:20 pm

It wasn't a big black truck with FBI painted on the side was it DD?
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Postby MTL on Wed Sep 14, 2005 12:02 pm

In heaven, some of the strippers will be virgins. For a few minutes.
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Postby The Cheat on Wed Sep 14, 2005 3:50 pm

:worship: The strippers will be for all, and there will be whatever you want, as will the beer.
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