The Captain's Log

[black bart]

Capn's log Yarr date 10.11.76

YYYYAARRR and AVVVAST...met up with a lovely lass called Servilan. She was all done up in Black Leather and didn,t half know how to handle a pistol! Twere a bit loik Lara Croft had been crossed with Darth Vader. I think I'll be needin therapy and me peg leg's unscrewed. Promised her I'd help her track down those scurvy rebels 'Black's Seven'...twil be as easy as shoutin 'AAARRGH'...there be only seven o them aginst me an me massive clone army, HAR!

ps She told me Ginger was a lovely hair colouring - I think I be in love...

[The Black Spot]

Arrr... ye hast no chance Bart.

Speed- Standard by 12; Battle Computers online; neutron blasters cleared and ready for firing.

All that an a twelve pounder too!

Yarrrrr....

[DaveL]

11.02.06

YArrrr...

Just when Oi thought Oi had complete domination of the Galaxy, somethin' went wrong.

Darth me apprentice picked me up and threw me down a vast cavernous pit, with lightining ablaze from me finger tips.

Some bugger fired a proton cannon ball into Death Starghhh 9000. It hit a powder keg and blew up me beloved super weapon.

The worse bit was Oi didn't get an invite Endor Victory party . Gettin' drunk with the Arggh-woks would have been more fun than tryin' to dominate the galaxy.

O'ill start search'n the employment classifieds for a new job tomorrow...

YArrrrrr...

[DaveL]

11.2.06

O'im Placin' the folowin advert in the Portsmouth Tribune...

POSITION WANTED

'Loyal hardworking evil tyrant. Twenty odd years experience ruling the galaxy. Key skills include: Despotism, Murderin' (all forms), Destroyin' Planets and Manufacturin' Wars to gain power. Good with electricity and wearing really weird cloaks.'

Maybe the Spaniards will give me a Governers position on one of their colonies...

YArrrrr....

[black bart]

Capn's soggy log Yarr date 14.2.76 - Valentine's day

Blast and Blast agin - what devilish luck be this. We were two days into our journey for a hot date with Big Brenda McTavish of Perth (that be the Scottish Perth) when a great storm blew up and brought down the Tay River Bridge smashin me Aarghhh 9000 to smitherines!

Me clone army went down with the ship - as Captain twere also my duty to drown with the ship but I were saved by the massive bulk of me Big Brenda condom filling up with air and floatin me to the surface!

[walktheplank]

Captain's Log 18th Century me thinks

So Black bart u lost yer ship again. My ship was bought by a Russian Pirate called Roman, twas a tidy sum he gave me to git meself a new ship.
I is going to call it The Enterprise and I will boldly go where no Pirate has plundered before.

[Duke]

9/14/05

Oi was floating through the Mediterranean today, when Oi saw a sign for a garage weapons sale. I counldn't resist, aye, an I went over to Sicily, where Oi found a sale ya wouldn't believe! Oi get myself shiny-new swords for all de crew, and new tricorn fer myself!


Duke

[DaveL]

15.2.06

Oi've vowed never to read PlayBilge magazine again. Now they've got naked people acting as parrots perches. How could they be so mean to parrots? YArrrrr...

[black bart]

Capn's shore log - The McGonigal & Bridge Tavern, Perth, 15.2.76

YYYAAARRR - thar be good news from the ship builders in Perth. Them brilliant Scottish Engineers av come up with a revolutionary ship design what's sure to keep me afloat. I will be postin up the blue prints as soon as they arrive from the ship yard.

[The Black Spot]

Cap'ns Log; Yarr Date 1691.9

We's were sailing past Scotland, when we's came across wreckage and a load o' people flappin about in the water. I's peered over the side, an 'oo does I see but Black Bart!

'Ee was wavin t' me an shoutin something. I couldn't make out what 'ee were sayin cos the sound o' me crew's laughter were drownin 'im out.

[black bart]

Captain's Log still at The McGonigal & Bridge Tavern, Perth Yarr date: 16.2.76

I be still drinkin to the memory o me faithful crew - after about fourteen glasses o the finest Single Malt I falls asleep and I has a strange dream: I be feelin all wet and holdin on to somethin rubbery whilst the sound o cruel laughter be ringin in my ears! Then I sees me parrot fall into enormous Canyon shaped like an arse...Begod this Scotch be strong stuff!!

[DaveL]

17.2.06

Me Dirk Diggler Booty Perch has been coping at bit of overuse by me girl parrot Poll-ete. I had to send 'im in for repairs after Poll-ete decided to bite the perch Lorena Bobbit style.

O'im afraid a band-aid won't fix this injury - YOWCH !! poor Dirk.

[black bart]

Capn's log Yarr date 22.2.76

Message received at 1800 hours:

'Dirk Diggler badly maimed by parrot' STOP

'Need urgent replacement for new film starring Angelina Joli' STOP

'Is Black Bart free to take role if he loses a couple of inches' STOP

[DaveL]

23.2.06

YArrrr...

I 'eard there be a new movie comin out starrin' Black Bart and Angelina Jolie. As 'e be cloned several hundred thousand times, it might be difficult to spot the Real Bart. However there will be no shortage of stunt doubles.

Oi here's that Bart be playin a slightly older pirate, who gets a part time job as a Booty Perch.

Here's a sneak preview.

[black bart]

Capn's log Yarr date 23.2.76

I be engaged to act the lead in a new film starring alongside Angelina Joli. My dad, Capn Black Bart Senior, be playin Angelina's pirate father as observed in Dave L's lovely photo above. I plays a rogueish yet dashing young pirate who saves Angelina from a terrible fate at the hands of the fiendish Capn Walk the Plank. Angelina marvels at me weaponry and she probably has the best line in the film with:

'Black Bart ye are a scurvy knave and a ginger ... but ye certainly knows how to swing yer cutlass!'

The film be called: 'The Constant Yarn Spinner'!