Adm'ral Amenable Akbar's Log
Yarrr Date: -10,000,000.3.10 (a long time ago)
(a galaxy far far away)
Avast! Me new ginger crew turned on me whilst we be acquirin' rations from the 'Lucky Mollusc' Chinese take-away, Portsmouth. Fer some reason, the swabs all ordered Chicken Chow Mein (number 66 on t' menu) then started shootin' at me with their flintlocks.
Luckily, they all be 'aving some sort o' genetic flaw so's they can't hit the side o' a Mon Calamari Star Cruiser from ten paces. Managed t' escape by usin' me mind tricks ter make 'em think Oi be a noodle (will 'ave ter thank Cap'n Derren Brown next time Oi be seeing 'im). Unfortunately, ter add ter the effect Oi threw meself into a vat o' boiling-hot sweet 'n' sour sauce, 'n' now all me skin be very red and tender:
(Oi be the one on the right)
Oi be suspectin' DaveL Sidious may be behind all this. Oi's gathered a fleet an' we be sailin' towards a forest-island called Endor, as the bilgerat's Death Aargh 9000 be anchored thar fer repairs. What's more - according ter what Honest Bart tells me - its ultimate pirate super weapon "don't be fully operational...absolutely not...cross me treasure map 'n' hope ter die".