The Captain's Log

[black bart]

Extracts from the Captain's Log.

Part One: January 31

YYYAARRR I ne'r seen a scurvier crew afore. We set sail from Portsmouth with a fair wind whistlin in the riggin, bound fer the Indies. We'd ne'r got out of the harbour before I had to give the First mate a good floggin as an example to the crew - he'd done nowt wrong I just wanted to show the men how to do a floggin. Time for me night cap - a tankard of rum with a slice o pinapple on the rim, YAAARRR!

[Tickle]

31.1.06:

Oi be discoverin' a few more things not ter put in front of yer face while tryin' ter steer yer ship:
1. A meat eatin' rabbit
2. The back of yer head
3. A ghost
Me thinks tha' tomorrow mornin' Oi'll be tryin’ ter discover some things not ter put on yer cereal...

Tickle the Pirate (that's an order!)

[Sir Francis Drake]

Oi thinx yuh needs more options on that poll. Like "Every onest a while" er sumpin'. Loik only today oi wuz wondering where me log was and oi found it holding up one of the table legs to make the thing more steady. Oi writes in me log when oi gots sumpin ta write. Otherwise it'd be all:

""Tuesday: Surrounded by water again. Methinx the crew is plannin another mutiny. Gotsta keep sharp as a tattoo needle around here. (In between grogs, that is.) Love, Drake"

[The Black Spot]

Cap'ns Log; Yarr Date 30.1.06

I's had a couple o' bevvies wi' the lads before I started on the last watch. I's don't be unnerstanding why I's can see two ship's wheels when I only has the one eye. An the ship seems t' be movin up an down quite a lot fer such a still night.

[black bart]

Capns Log Yarr date 1.2.76

Darn it I think me pens runnin out o in....................

[The Black Spot]

Cap'ns Log: Yarr Date 1691.4

Been five months since we last saw land. The crew be gettin' hungry, an we's runnin out o' water. It were then I's be noticing that we'd forgotten to pull up the anchor one night.

[black bart]

Capns log Yarr date 1.2.76

Filled me pen up now but it's... g......one...all...blo....tchy....o...n....me...Oh..fill...et...me..parr...ot...

[The Black Spot]

Cap'ns Log: Yarr Date 1691.5

After 5 months an 1 day at sea, we finds land at last - a lovely desert island. When me landin party got ashore, a man dressed in rags ran up to us shouting how he were rescued at last. "Comes wi' me my good man," says I. "I's can use a new crewman."

A week later, he wished he were back on the island again.

[Tickle]

Cap'ns Log:

Note to self; What not to put on cereal:
1. vARGHnish
2. broken glass
3. fire

[DaveL]

YArrr...

I used to love me log, but I 'ad trouble gettin' large pieces of timber through customs. We had to part unfortunately

Think O'ill settle for a Pet Rock when me next parrot dies.

HArrrr...HArrr...HArrr...

[black bart]

Capn's log Yar date 2.2.76

Dropped anchor of the coast o a place called 'Twin Peaks'. Sent a party ashore but they were back on board within minutes with weird tales o pirates carryin logs about and midgets what talked backwards!!!!

[DaveL]

Monday 6.2.06

Issued Order 66. Several hundred thousand Black Bart look alikes have been dispatched to the Jedi Pirate temple and lands abroad.

Oi 'ave sent me apprentice to Monserrat to deal with the insurgents and to have a light cutlass duel over volcanic landscapes.

Havin a nice toime bein' supreme ruler of the galaxy...YArrrr...

[Duke]

'Ere's an excerpt from on of my logs.......................

January 3, 2006:

Noice an sunny ta-day. Oi saw a whale pod off starboard, swimmin' around.
Two more days until we dock in Korea, ta git them new artillery upgrades, cheap off the assembly lines of our business partners over there. Ken't wait ta get them..............
Ken't wait ta use them.


Duke

[black bart]

capn's log Yar date 6.2.76

The crew be a fine lot o men. Thar be midshipman Bart, First mate Bart, Doctor Bart, Carpenter Bart, Look out Bart, Bart Simpson Bart and all the other Barts. No problems to report except fer that Mr Christian Bart e be a rum un that one!

[The Black Spot]

Capn's Log, Yarr Date 1691.6

We were sailin round the Sargasso Sea when we be spying a ship that were beached on a giant raft o' seaweed. There were about a hundred survivors - all identical welshmen wi' dodgy lookin ginger wigs.

They'd all gone mad from hunger, and were talkin about eatin each other. I thinks the only thing that stopped 'em were the fact that there weren't a decent cook among 'em.