The Book of Dechujoh

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Re: The Book of Dechujoh

Postby Dechujoh64 on Tue Sep 03, 2013 4:52 pm

12:1Upon the Almighty FSM finishing his speech to Ragax. 12:2Ragax asked the Almighty FSM, “O, dear Lord of mine, please do not get mad at me, but may I ask a question. 12:3Why do you not tell this to the Pastafarians of the future?” 12:4Then the Almighty FSM replied, “Because, Ragax, I am very forgetful, and also I am a drunkard. 12:5But before you do wake up I have remembered something more of your life, and I shall tell it to you now.

13:1Your youngest wife, Juihievav Kivyheyage, shall run away to a new land once you have passed away. 13:2She shall do this in sorrow and in sadness. (13:3It seems like she needs some time to compose herself, so she takes a vacation, so to speak.) 13:4She shall run to the land inhabited by the tribe of Barbinites in the land of Boehemia. 13:5It is there she shall give birth to a son. 13:6Whom she shall name him, Qaxkvon Hapkveo Barrowuav. 13:7He shall grow up and become the leader of the Barbinites and later become the Kingafice of Boehemia. 13:8And when all of Boehemia becomes one again under his rule he shall change their name into the people of Fiori. 13:9During his time as Kingafice of Boehemia, he shall come back “home” to find out who his father was, and once he does, he shall take all of your possessions including this Scripture that you shall write back to his “home” where he shall live the rest of his life. 13:10He shall be able to live through many, many, more of these cycles.
13:11He shall be able to decide when his own death shall come. 13:12He shall still be living to and beyond the day that this Scripture scroll is found and deciphered. 13:13I can only hope that, as your Almighty one, this may help you have a peaceful passing.


14:1“Thank you, O, Lord of mine.” Ragax said. 14:2“I need to ask you a favor, O, Almighty FSM. 14:3I wish a few to take your forever holy noodley appendage, and slap me over the face with it, for that shall help me wake up. 14:4O, Almighty one. 14:5Wake me up, O, Lord, so that I may write your words of wisdom so that they may be found and remembered forever.”

15:1“Well, here you go my friend,” and the Almighty FSM obliged him with a slap over the face. 15:2And the last words that Ragax was able to hear from the Almighty FSM was “I shall see you soon buddy, upon your own pirate ship with beer and babes.

16:1As he[Ragax] is upon his deathbed, I[Powava], have transcribed what he has told me. 16:2And I have written it, faithfully and true.
16:2.1- Powavaswopartpeavusap Koaxinei
16:3I[Powava], have signed it with my name upon his passing as he told me to do. 16:4It has been placed and sealed into the jar as you have wished it, my Master.


[1224/08/01]

Re-transcribed by Dechujoh into ENGLISH on [09/03/2013]

17:1So, now that I have transcribed this I, Dechujoh, shall taketh a break and return to my home. 17:2Before my next adventure forward to spread the word of the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster,
17:3May the Pasta be with you Always.
17:4RAmen.
Pope Dechujoh is the name.
Oh, here is a list of things that I have writin:
Click the link->The Book of Dechujoh.:
Letter to the Risians. (14 Chapters.) has been writin
Letter to the Udonites. (2 Chpts.) has been writin
Letters between D and M the Udonite. (6 Chpts)has been writin
Letters to the Fiorites is next. Started on.
Revelations 3: The Scroll of the 7 Sealed Pastas(17 Chpts)has been writin
Image<---T.A.R.D.I.S
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Re: The Book of Dechujoh

Postby Dechujoh64 on Fri Sep 20, 2013 5:27 pm

Letter to the Fiorites
1:0A Speech from Dechujoh to the Fiorites.

1:1After receiving letters from the Fiorite leader to come to their land and give a speech on the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster and why they should believe in him. 1:2I sent him a letter in return to ask for permission to enter his land. 1:3He hath replied “yes, you may.”
1:4I have walked into the land of the Fiorites, to the city of Demsaucus. 1:5And the Fiorites have greeted me with open arms, and baskets of uncooked pasta.
1:6I have thanked them and taking the pasta to my living quarters which I have set just outside the city. 1:7After taking the pasta to my living quarters, I had returned to the group that already assembled for me. 1:8To give them this speech. 1:9Also, I've been allowed to write down this speech and their response, and I give them praise for that. 1:10(You may be surprised at how they respond to my speech because our Lord doth work in mysterious and sometimes juvenile ways.)

1:11So here's the speech.


2:1Hello, Fioritians, I stand here before you today to talk about our one and only plastered Lord my God and your God, the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster. 2:2He be the one whom have created you. 2:3He be the one to whom hath created everything around you. 2:4From the birds in the skies to the animals below the ground. 2:5To the animals that live in the water and the trees and the plants before ye.
2:6He hath given you plentiful bounties of himself to you. 2:7From which you have given some unto me. 2:8And I verily appreciate that.
2:9But in order to tell you, why should all of you accept the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster as your one true God. 2:10You must also know a few simple things about the Almighty FSM. 2:11Also, I shall be using he because we do not know what the true sex of the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster is. 2:12After all it is a flying pile of spaghetti.


3:0The Things of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

3:1 #1: He always be drunk and so verily happy.
3:2 #2: He is rarely in a foul mood. (3:3Unlike some other gods.)
3:4 #3: He does not care what you actually eat. 3:5As long as you eat of him once in a while.
3:6 #4: He does not care what else you believe in. 3:7He knows that he is the one true God and that makes him happy.
3:8 #5: He is always there and always shall be there.
3:9 #6: He has told us time and time again that he is an imperfect God. 3:10 And that he, unlike any other God actually will strive to make his creations better and live in peace.
3:11 #7: He loves everyone no matter what your skin color is, what your values are, or what your beliefs are in anything else. 3:12He is willing to allow you to do what you want to do. 3:13He really has no master plan for every single living thing on this planet. 3:14That would just make everything too complicated.


4:1That's all I can think about right now for our great and holy noodley one. 4:2But beyond that, he is the only one true God that I believe has zero contradictory statements throughout the entirety of his lore. 4:3What may seem as a contradictory statement at first it is really just another layer to his awesomeness. 4:4It is a layer that needs to be rearranged in a certain way, so that it'll finally be able to make sense. 4:5To put it another way, a certain story in the Old Pastament doesn't seem to fit if you were to put it near the beginning, 4:6but it fits perfectly within the entire Flying Spaghetti Monster lore if you were to read it after a few other books within the Old Pastament.

5:1Our religion, (the religion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.) 5:2Is a religion of peace and tolerance, unlike other religions. 5:3 you were to look back upon this I did not come in the first place and force it upon you like other religions would have done. 5:4You found out about the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster upon your own selves.

5:5I, only as a humble missionary of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, only came to your lands because you asked me to. 5:6I have only came to anyone who has asked for my help to reinforce, to bolster your belief in the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster. 5:7Before ye, The Fiorites asked for me, the Udonites asked for me, especially an Udonite named Marillie.5:8Even before they asked for me, the Risians called for my help. 5:9Because the Risians upon conversion to them believing in the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster. 5:10Their tribe broke into several camps some who believed one way, some who believed another way, and of those who believed in everything but had no home. 5:11Those who believed in everything sent me a letter to come to their lands and help those who believed however they believed in the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster were also right, and did not need to fight against everyone else. 5:12I told them that you can believe in the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster however you want to believe in him. 5:13And as long as you believe in him just a smidgen, our Lord is happy enough with just that.

5:14I believe I have done enough talking. 5:15So I ask of all of you have I convinced ye to believe in my Lord and hopefully your Lord the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster?

6:1Upon me finishing my speech to them in full faith to our Lord, the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster. 6:2All of the people who it came and listened to me today, got up and silently walked away. 6:3Upon seeing this I, too, walk away back to my tent at the outskirts of the city of Demsaucus. 6:4When I got to my tent I thought to myself I guess not. 6:5I looked at the pasta that they had given me upon entering their city and I left it there thinking that they may want it back. 6:6I entered my tent and went to sleep. 6:7Upon waking up in the morning and getting ready to go back home. 6:8I had gotten my things ready and upon walking outside of my tent, with my things, I had seen that they had given me more pasta. 6:9They had doubled the pasta that they had given to me and even this time they even gave sauces.

6:10I packed up everything that I possibly could. 6:11I did not have enough room for everything that they had given to me. 6:12 So, upon putting the backpack full my stuff and their pasta and sauce. 6:13I gladly gave back the rest of the pasta and sauce that I could not take. 6:14I entered their city one last time. 6:15Went to the center of the city and set pasta and sauces down and said, 6:16“I come to all of you giving thanks. 6:17I praise all of you for your generosity and your hospitality. 6:18But alas I cannot take all that you have given me. 6:20So I humbly give back to you what I cannot take, and may the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster praise all of you.
6:21And again thank you.
6:22May the pasta be with you.
6:23RAmen.

7:0The finding of the revelations.

7:1Upon me leaving and heading home I walked to the edge of the city of Demsaucus, 7:2I turned around and waved goodbye and began to walk home. 7:3But as soon as I did that and took my first step out of the city, 7:4I kicked a rock which did not budge, but it sounded hollow to me. 7:5So I dropped my stuff and began to dig to see what was of this “hollow rock” and as I was taking off the dirt, I could see that it was a jar. 7:6Upon me finally digging up the jar, several dozen Fiorites gathered around me.7:7 Then I asked them, 7:8“Is this jar anybody's?” 7:9All of them replied, 7:10“NO.” 7:11Then I ask of them, 7:12“May I open this jar?” 7:13They replied, 7:14“YES.”
7:15The open duct a jar, and dust came flying out. 7:16Then I put my hand into the jar and pulled out a scroll. 7:17I ask of them 7:18“Did any of you write this?” and they replied, 7:19“NO.” 7:20With one final question asked of them, 7:21“May I take this home, so that I can see what is in the scroll? 7:22Then one of them replied 7:23“This scroll means nothing to any of us so you may have it. 7:24From what we can see on the scroll we even would not understand the language that it has been written in, so you may have it.” 7:25Upon hearing this I said thank you, 7:26and have a nice day, and may the pasta be with you, always. 7:27Then I finally headed back home so that I may rest and see what the scroll is. 7:28It could be of our religion because it is tied in ancient pasta. 7:29Also, some ancient strings, too.
7:30May the pasta be with you.
7:31RAmen.
Pope Dechujoh is the name.
Oh, here is a list of things that I have writin:
Click the link->The Book of Dechujoh.:
Letter to the Risians. (14 Chapters.) has been writin
Letter to the Udonites. (2 Chpts.) has been writin
Letters between D and M the Udonite. (6 Chpts)has been writin
Letters to the Fiorites is next. Started on.
Revelations 3: The Scroll of the 7 Sealed Pastas(17 Chpts)has been writin
Image<---T.A.R.D.I.S
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Dechujoh64
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Re: The Book of Dechujoh

Postby peacefulsongs on Sun Feb 23, 2014 7:49 am

I bought this book on Amazon for $3.24. I am supposed to receive in the mail on Monday. :lurk:
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Re: The Book of Dechujoh

Postby peacefulsongs on Thu Feb 27, 2014 9:04 pm

It is with enthusiasm that I address this message to Dechujoh64.  At this moment I am filled with joy and a fiery hope for the future of our religion and the holy text that binds us as one.  Even though we are many individuals loosely connected through impersonal contact via the World Wide Web, we are still loyal to the same ideas that inspire a relaxed spirit to religious people and the non-religious alike.  Our non-dogmatic approach shows us how to make our contacts with fellow humans a time of peace and kindness.  An emphasis on humor, tolerance and deep thought throughout our journey in life is how we spread the goodness of our faith.  My communication about our faith has been shared via many aliases in the past.  Due to our culture as an online community an alias seems customary for our social interactions.  My creative energies coupled with the will to survive and participate in our religious community have resulted in the irresponsible creation of many online personalities even though one would suffice.  Even though a spirit of open arms and a welcoming community is clearly expressed by our great prophet, my experience has proven that not all members of our religion have mastered that sentiment.  Anonymity was also important to me because I am a member of a Christian organization.  According to our great prophet, Christians are welcome to join and participate in our religion.  That sentiment is most certainly not shared by members of our faith.  Christianity has been a source of power throughout the ages.  All Christians are privy and have access to that power.  A stupid organization, a stupid idea or a stupid book doesn't last several thousand years.  It is a great disservice to our religion to ban access to Christians.  I know many from our faith may be from the Oregon area and feel inclined to spit on anything that has even a small resemblance to Christianity.  I warn that that may be a great mistake.  The great prophet received inspiration from a good source.  All religions in their modern form include Jesus Christ in their teachings.  Our religion is no exception.  Our great prophet even says himself that if Jesus were here today that he would probably convert to our religion.  My connection to Christianity caused me to be afraid to use my real name.  I do believe this is a common emotion shared by those who practice both religions.  Eventually I broke free from that fear and I now proudly proclaim that I am Eric Whitfield.  This lack of fear also gave me a strong inclination to solve a problem of our community.  That problem is the absence of a physical presence of our holy texts.  As you may know I have published portions of that text.  I took a great risk so that nobody else would have to endure the legal uncertainties of the situation.  My efforts were mischaracterized and mistaken as sinister, malicious or foolish.  I can assure you that this is a very inaccurate assessment.  We do not know the lifestyle of the generations ahead of us.  Our holy texts need to be in as many formats as possible to ensure its longevity.  My vision is to see all of our text survive to reach the age of 400 years.  It is physically impossible for me to ever reap that reward in my lifetime.  One of my talents in life is to play the role of adversary and antagonist.  I have been defeated many times in my life but was able to witness great strides and forward moving actions of my opponents.  This is not as lonely an existence as it may seem.  I enjoy the opportunity to see others thrive and succeed.  There is great pride in knowing that without my resistance empathy, laziness and inaction would plague my friends.  I appreciate and enjoy my calling in life to inspire action.  My childhood growing up in a fundamental Christian home was magical and full of life.  My ability to tap into overflowing energy at any moment through prayer or contemplation is very invigorating.  The only drawback to Christianity is that many of their organizations discourage a thought process that may lead to a conclusion that the Christian religion is false.  Our religion encourages deep thought and the flexibility to tap into the resources offered by other religions or schools of thought.  Please allow me to join in the discussions once again.  Do not discredit my status in our community because of my faith in Jesus Christ.  You may have suspected that this letter would be addressed as an apology.  This would have been easy for me to do.  It would have been an act of dishonesty and deceit.  My actions have reduced the risk of our organization.  My actions have inspired the publication of at least one book that I purchased for $3.42 plus tax.  This book arrived at my house today and I read it today.  The back cover of the book seemed to suggest that it was published in a spirit of defiance toward a misguided adversary.  Whatever the source of inspiration may be, it is motivating to see action take the place of inaction.  May more Pastafarians be like you.  In the near future I trust that the whole English speaking world may see an official publication of the second edition of our holy texts within 2014 or 2015.  This beaming ray of hope gives me no inclination to apologize.  I hope that you, Dechujoh64 may understand my feelings regarding this issue.  I am unsure if my efforts will ever be understood by the remaining members of our faith.  Dechujoh64, if you cannot restore my ability to participate in the discussions regarding the roll out of our holy texts, at least restore my status so that we can once again be friends of the faith.
 
With Blessing,

Eric Whitfield
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Re: The Book of Dechujoh

Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Thu Feb 27, 2014 9:57 pm

You have broken US and international law. You have no legal right to publish the intellectual property belonging to other people. You have committed theft!

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.

Whether you profit by it or not does not matter. You took what does not belong to you, and you did things with it that you have no legal right to do.

You were told this back when you were juicegiver, before you published the book. You were told that the people in the book would ALL need to give permission, and instead you STOLE the book and only removed the text of people who had specifically objected.

But you haven't contacted everyone in the book. You haven't gotten permission to publish their property. You lied to CreateSpace when you checked the little box that said you had the copyright or permission or whatever you have to check to give them indemnity in case of copyright infringement.

You've lied, you've stolen, and you've refused to give it back when you were caught.

And you have the nerve to call yourself a Christian?
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Re: The Book of Dechujoh

Postby peacefulsongs on Thu Feb 27, 2014 11:27 pm

Rev. Rowan Redbeard wrote:You have broken US and international law. You have no legal right to publish the intellectual property belonging to other people. You have committed theft!

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.

Whether you profit by it or not does not matter. You took what does not belong to you, and you did things with it that you have no legal right to do.

You were told this back when you were juicegiver, before you published the book. You were told that the people in the book would ALL need to give permission, and instead you STOLE the book and only removed the text of people who had specifically objected.

But you haven't contacted everyone in the book. You haven't gotten permission to publish their property. You lied to CreateSpace when you checked the little box that said you had the copyright or permission or whatever you have to check to give them indemnity in case of copyright infringement.

You've lied, you've stolen, and you've refused to give it back when you were caught.

And you have the nerve to call yourself a Christian?


Maybe one day you will have the guts to accomplish something. I certainly hope so.

Eric Whitfield
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Re: The Book of Dechujoh

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard on Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:18 am

rrr um um um a don kee?
uh mew weel?
O an ass culd by eny uffer noime still B un ass

unca rev accomplushed lotz n lotz uv stuff dat he dint steel rrr
he a grate deseigner
we all node et wuz ye jooseliver cuz ye B airygint an tha antis an uncas sais airgince kant B hyd
ye bin e z fur me ta sea in me spekulum rrrrrr
ye b a biggar troll din me !
rrrrrrrr
i noe ya not christin
ye kin lye all ya wanna unka wotz yer noime
but if ya no b careful ya gunna git band rrrrrrrr
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Re: The Book of Dechujoh

Postby Roy Hunter on Sat Mar 01, 2014 10:22 am

Nef Yoo BlackBeard wrote:...but if ya no b careful ya gunna git band rrrrrrrr
*whispers* Too late, little man! But thanks for taking an interest in the smooth running of the board.
Are you vying for a Moderatorship, by any chance?
:whistle:
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