Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Griffin on Sun Jan 06, 2013 1:39 am

black bart wrote:I forgot to do an Xmas tale of Poverty and Debauchery!


An' that wer a releef fer all yer fans!
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Mon Jan 07, 2013 6:31 am

Barrgh Humbag...I gets no fan mail or ill-literareee hawards fer me marvelous sensibull tales...and then some blaggard goes an writes a prepostrehouse tale of a man survivin in a lifeboat wiv a Bengal Tiger and a Hyenna on board an he wins thee Booker Prize Booty!!!

There be no justice in thee world.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Griffin on Mon Jul 15, 2013 3:15 am

The tale o' the peripertetic sailor in very bad 'elth on account o' bein struck down by he who cannot be named.

One upon a time there wer an 'hupright citizen and sailor-type who was want ter sail ther seven seas. A terribul affliction was lurkin on board his ship, which struck 'im down and h'incpapable. The Ship's sawbones (despite this havin' nuffing ter do with bones, or saws) h'insisted he treat this unfortunate sailor. He h'injected 22 pints o' speccial brew direct into his biggest artery ( we cannot reveal which one this is on account o' it bein' a state secret). Within 2 days, the sailir were cured, even tho 'is legs 'ad fallen off, and it looked like 'is arms would be next. Twas h'explained ter 'im that the treatment killed good cells and bad cells, so one took on'es chances. The next step was to find a shop called Halfords where it might be possible to do a deal to 'ave one's motor mechanicals returned. Most unfortunate, the sailor's ship drifted out ter sea before the deal was struck. The ship was destined to sail for evermore, drawing in sailors who seemed the best exposed ter the sickness. Only the sound of slrens could cheer up the people on board. An the moral of this story is, chop off yer good parts in order that your bad parts will grow bigger, be noticed and dealt with, then try ter re-attach yer good parts. Not easy, best o' luck.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:25 am

^I loiks that tale an I b appy ta take thee Speshul Broo treatment.

I will arsk me crooo if they think I ave any good parts left.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Ravi Oli on Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:04 pm

Oi herd on thee nooz abowt a brew they wert testin' 'ere. Nort sure iffin the same one as thisun but promisin' was oft mentioned.
Bart Oi herd yar thing-a-ma-jing shrivelled an fell orf foer lack ov use yarns ago.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Roland Deschain on Mon Aug 12, 2013 6:32 pm

This be thee tale o' me absence, where oi were in thee belly o' thee beast!

It were a dark an' stormy noight when we set sail fr'm Southampton 'arbour, bound fer thee more clement weather o' the Caribbean. We were twenty days out o' port when a mysterious oisland were spotted on the 'oroizon, one which were not on thee map, an' bein' the hadventurous toipe, we set sail fer it. The oisland were a virtual paradoise, wi' fruit trees in thee thousands, an' also many animals ter 'unt.

We decoided ter stay there fer weeks, stocking up on provisions, an' enjoyin' thee rest afore we set out fer our destination. We 'ad even taken ter buildin' 'uts made o' willow, which grew on the oisland near thee marshes. In thee third week o' our stay, the oisland were plagued boi mysterious tremors o' thee koind seen in earfquakes, a hominous soign if ever there be one, so we made our foinal preparations ter leave wiv many fresh provisions.

We 'ad not lost soight o' the oisland afore we saw it begin ter move, roisin' out o' thee water as if on a koind 'a 'oist. Many o' me croo were froightened o' the soight, but thee wind were good, an' we were makin' some 'eadway. Afore long, a terrifying soight greeted us from aft, an' the oisland were revealed ter be thee dreaded Kraken, lain dormant fer centuries!

We fled thee monstrosity fer thousands o' moiles before it gave up thee chase, an' we 'ad many an apocalyptic battle wiv it, it layin' waste ter several other oislands. We took aboard thee refugees from thee in'abited oislands, an' it were fortunate we took on all thee fresh provisions on thee oisland o' thee Kraken, as thee ship were full.

We eventually sailed inter thee Caribbean ter great fanfare, an' thee people we rescued were moightily greatful fer our hassistance. Ye'll be 'appy ter know that none o' them doid, an' they were settled wi' thee 'ospitality o' the port we left 'em in.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby pieces o'nine on Mon Aug 12, 2013 9:25 pm

Did they giv ye a parayde?
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Wed Aug 14, 2013 6:08 am

Aaargh I be hextremelee grateful ta Cap'n Ravi fer his pointer to a noo brrew wot moight elp my hafflikshun.

All Bart Hindustries ave come up wiv so far is "Arrr B 674 XXX" wot, judgin by thee smell an thee colour is consentrated Fish Head Stoo...it aint foolin anybody. I told them ta try it out on thee laboratory rats but thee Bart Hindustries Head Boffin (otherwise known as thee cook) said he's already added them to thee recipe.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby pieces o'nine on Thu Aug 15, 2013 12:01 am

How long afore ye adds a lucks yureent beard wigge t'yer foine newe minion, Bart?
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Roy Hunter on Thu Aug 15, 2013 7:58 am

pieces o'nine wrote:How long afore ye adds a lucks yureent beard wigge t'yer foine newe minion, Bart?
Do ye think 'ee wud looke lyke this?

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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:13 am

^Crikey...what a swab!
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Roland Deschain on Sun Aug 18, 2013 9:05 am

Jeremy be revealin' 'is true nature. :haha:

pieces o'nine wrote:Did they giv ye a parayde?


We arsked 'em not ter give us a parade, as ter give thee refugees some much needed peace an' quoiet, but we did 'ave thee 'ospitality o' thee local taverns an' strip clubs. Yaaaarrrrrgggghhhh! :drinking:
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Griffin on Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:54 am

Roland Deschain wrote:Jeremy be revealin' 'is true nature. :haha:

pieces o'nine wrote:Did they giv ye a parayde?


We arsked 'em not ter give us a parade, as ter give thee refugees some much needed peace an' quoiet, but we did 'ave thee 'ospitality o' thee local taverns an' strip clubs. Yaaaarrrrrgggghhhh! :drinking:


When did parades become alternative to strip clubs? I can see some problems ahead.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Roland Deschain on Fri Aug 23, 2013 11:58 am

Griffin wrote:
Roland Deschain wrote:Jeremy be revealin' 'is true nature. :haha:

pieces o'nine wrote:Did they giv ye a parayde?


We arsked 'em not ter give us a parade, as ter give thee refugees some much needed peace an' quoiet, but we did 'ave thee 'ospitality o' thee local taverns an' strip clubs. Yaaaarrrrrgggghhhh! :drinking:


When did parades become alternative to strip clubs? I can see some problems ahead.


Tryin' toimes indeed, milady cap'n. :haha:
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