Beer

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

[black bart]

^I'll have what he's having.

[daftbeaker]

This scares me a bit. Anything that's 1/3 wifebeater and 1/4 vodka is not going to be a good idea.

[PKMKII]

This scares me a bit. Anything that's 1/3 wifebeater and 1/4 vodka is not going to be a good idea.

BLASPHEMY!

[daftbeaker]

Tasty. Has a nice flavour but, unlike the Abbot ale I have stashed in the garage, isn't 'heavy' and could happily be drunk all day. Although I am feeling slightly tipsy so I'm going back on the blackcurrant squash after this one.

Also, according to the bottle it's pronounced 'deu-kers'. No wonder that Glaswegian barman couldn't understand what I was asking for. In my defence, I didn't have a clue what his reply was either

[DavidH]

True, in Glesga you can't understand people before you get pissed.

[Roy Hunter]

'Deu' as in your rent is due, 'ch' as in loch, 'ars' as in you are talking cobblers. Emphasis on the first syllable. And in Glasgow, unless you're buying lager, heavy, wife-beater or wreck-the-hoose-juice, barmen will never understand you. Next time you're in Glasgow, might I suggest the Bon Accord in North Street for a decent pint?

[daftbeaker]

A present from people visting from Deutschland. It tastes nice (roughly on a par with or better than Carlsberg and much better than Fosters).

Assuming your bladder can hold three pints it is actually cheaper than piss (if you return the bottles 6 pints cost less than 2 quid and the last public toilet I saw cost a quid to use).

The Germans do some things very well, cars and cheap beer seem to be the best ones

[DavidH]

And invading Poland.

I went for lunch at 'The Squirrel' near Ludlow, and ordered a pint of Marstons Pedigree - normally not a bad beer. This was vile: it clearly had some other liquid in it. I took it back and the bloke said it was' trouble with the pumps'; he gave me a pint of ordinary Marstons which was at least drinkable.

Any ideas what that could mean? I wondered if they use some cleaning fluid to flush the system out and had left some of it in there.

[Roy Hunter]

And invading Poland.

I went for lunch at 'The Squirrel' near Ludlow, and ordered a pint of Marstons Pedigree - normally not a bad beer. This was vile: it clearly had some other liquid in it. I took it back and the bloke said it was' trouble with the pumps'; he gave me a pint of ordinary Marstons which was at least drinkable.

Any ideas what that could mean? I wondered if they use some cleaning fluid to flush the system out and had left some of it in there.

They clean the pipes in a conventional electric-pump-and-CO2 beer tap at the end of the night with a cleaning fluid. Then in the morning they flush them out again.

In a proper pulling-a-pint real ale tap where the action of pulling the lever pumps the beer, they are supposed to clean the pipes in between kegs (but they never do, because it usually happens during a busy shift). The pipes can therefore become quite furry and horrible in between cleans (but you don't stand the chance of buggering up an expensive electric pump with furry pipes, so who cares?), as I have witnessed in the cellar of a pub where I used to store music gear in between gigs. Wouldn't have bought a pint of real ale there, I'll tell you.

[daftbeaker]

And invading Poland.

I went for lunch at 'The Squirrel' near Ludlow, and ordered a pint of Marstons Pedigree - normally not a bad beer. This was vile: it clearly had some other liquid in it. I took it back and the bloke said it was' trouble with the pumps'; he gave me a pint of ordinary Marstons which was at least drinkable.

Any ideas what that could mean? I wondered if they use some cleaning fluid to flush the system out and had left some of it in there.

'Trouble with the pumps' is probably one of three things: there's a leak somewhere in the line, they haven't cleaned the lines or they've cleaned them but not flushed them through properly.

Least likely, there's a leak somewhere that's letting air in and the beer is being oxidised. More probable, they haven't cleaned the lines for a while and there's gunk that's building up and ruining the beer. Most likely they've cleaned the lines but haven't flushed them properly so there's still cleaner in the line that's mixing with the beer.

If it tasted acidic, sour or smelt like vinegar it's the first one. If it tasted sort of flat and a bit mouldy it's the second. If it tasted sour, looked a bit of a funny colour and smelt like soap or 'solventy' it's the last one.

When you clean ale lines (which should be done once a fortnight at the absolute minimum) you remove the lines from the barrel, stick them in a bucket of cleaning solution and pull it through the pump. You get a pint of normal beer, then a pint of beer/cleaner mix (the proportions depend on the length of the line) and then cleaner comes through. If you use the posh stuff (Scottish and Newcastle pubs used to, I don't know about others) it's pink but goes colourless when it's being used. You just keep pulling it through until it comes through pink and there's no bits of crud floating in it. If it's just strong detergent being used then it's a matter of judgement deciding when it's clean.

The problem now is that your line has a pint or two of unpleasant cleaning stuff in it. Stick your line in a bucket of clean water and pull that through until it comes out of the pump clear and odourless. Then you reconnect the line back to the barrel and pull it through until you get beer, chucking away the first pint because that will be a beer/water mix. Pull through half a pint and taste it, it should be fine.

I suspect that the person that did it where you were forgot about the pulling water through stage and so the first few pints they have will be contaminated with the cleaner. If they're really unlucky (and stupid) they'll have put the line full of cleaner back onto the barrel and some of the cleaner will have gotten into the barrel, ruining whatever's left in there.

I learnt quite a lot at university Cleaning the lines was a great job because the first pint of beer needs to be drunk or it gets thrown away. I would get merrily clattered on free beer while helping the boss and I got paid for it

The lecture next week will be on how to buy barrels for a tied house from a wholesaler and avoiding the brewery finding out

[black bart]

The Red Cow where we used to do the quiz always had dodgy beer...some pubs keep their beer perfectly and others don't but you'd think it would be a basic necessity. Southern beer can be a bit flat compared to the lovely frothy northern stuff.

[Roy Hunter]

Southern beer can be a bit flat compared to the lovely frothy northern stuff.

Hard water in the south-east compared to the north and Scotland. That's why it's so difficult to get your shampoo to lather up. Well not your shampoo...

[daftbeaker]

Southern beer can be a bit flat compared to the lovely frothy northern stuff.

Hard water in the south-east compared to the north and Scotland. That's why it's so difficult to get your shampoo to lather up. Well not your shampoo...

Hard water, differences in pulling the beer and the use or not of sparklers. The water will only make a difference in where it's brewed. If you get a stereotypical Northerner pulling your beer they pull the first draw as quickly as possible, frothing it up whereas Southerners (and the West Country in particular) tend to be more gentle and generate less froth. Some pubs use sparklers which are just little caps that screw on the end of the beer nozzle and force the beer through lots of tiny holes.

I had the experience of working with a giant half-Scottish, half-Lancastrian bloke that was built like a brick s***house. Watching him pull a pint using a sparkler tended to make an unnecessary amount of froth that he'd end up tipping away because it should only be about 5% of the pint

[black bart]

The other difference is the Southern Buggers charge you about twice the price for their flat beer.