I got sick of being preached at by a Christian today.

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I got sick of being preached at by a Christian today.

Postby TDKs on Sun Nov 25, 2012 6:36 pm

Normally, I keep my Pastafarian preacher side quiet - but this man would not quit quoting his holy book at us, when it was unwanted and had been asked nicely to cease and desist.

I surprised myself with the sheer volume of sauce that rose, until my pan overfloweth.

And lo, the mighty carbohydrated deity said unto us, let there not be inflexibility in the world - let us all mingle peacefully in the warmth of the waters, so that we will be happy amongst our bretheren, be they spaghetti, fusili or conchiglie!

And for those whom cannot partake of the gluten based carbohydrate, let them also understand that gnocci is perfectly acceptable, based on potato, though it is.

For even those whom cannot sup of the mighty marinara lest it be harming the animals from whence the meat is taken, let them be accepted also, with succulent sides of tofu or quorn - and let them not be preachy gits about it, for we know the suffering that commences, and we do what we can to alleviate it with kindness and free range produce.

Those that be condemning thee with threats of torture and misery, forgive them - they know not the harm they do, they are ignorant and without carbohydrates to give them the blood sugar boost they so desperately need.
One day they will understand that it is not hellfire - there is no hellfire. Just a mighty flame over which the pot of the universe simmers, with all of us safely gathered, sifted from the waters of trivial day-to-day inanities, and served in fine dishes at the table of heaven.

About noontime, the table was laid, the bowls were set, the checkered tablecloth resplendent in its Italian Bistro red - and thus we partook of his kindness, so that we could work harder for the afternoon and put right the parts of the world that we could. 


I prayed to MY god, and lo and behold - we have the biggest Kiva charitable organisation in the WORLD. We beat the freakin' MORMONS, man.

Just thought it was worth sharing with you guys. I had a big ole bowl of conchiglie, and I was firing on all cylinders tonight.

Correct, discuss, debate - commence :)
All comments welcome.
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Re: I got sick of being preached at by a Christian today.

Postby Cardinal Fang on Mon Nov 26, 2012 2:16 pm

Wow. Nice.

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Re: I got sick of being preached at by a Christian today.

Postby TDKs on Mon Nov 26, 2012 2:50 pm

Yeah, I properly went on a ranty bender. I've calmed down somewhat now.
Each paragraph is a direct response to some holier-than-thou quote he spouted!

I'm also thinking of writing some of those little flyer booklets the Christians love to give out here...
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