Indoctrinating children

[TheHolyGrate]

Ok, my 9 year old daughter, who was an atheist, has decided she wants to be a Pastafarian. I admit that she was very unruly, but after accepting His Noodly Goodness in her life, she has since then changed for the better, pesto be upon her!

When she started to ask me questions about our new found faith, I was fixing to explain what happens to Pastafarians after they die, but had to hold myself back because I don't know much about the Pastafarian paradise. I mean, if you die when you are a kid, do you still get beer and STD-free strippers? Aren't kids too young for that? So is there a different paradise for children?

Also, who is our nemesis? I mean, god had the devil. The spaghetti monster has who? I'd like to know who to watch out for.

I hope this is the right place to ask these questions. I apologize if it isn't.

[daftbeaker]

So is there a different paradise for children?

I am not actually a pastafarian (unless I can irritate fundies by claiming to be one) but I am led to believe the beer volcano dispenses any beverage you wish and the stripper factory can produce any items one wishes.

Your 9 year old daughter might well find a Coca-Cola fountain and a pony factory

[black bart]

Daftbeaker wrote:

I am not actually a pastafarian

Unbeliever...stone him to death!

[Cardinal Fang]

*cough*

1st I'd Really Rather You Didn't

I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.

CF

[daftbeaker]

Daftbeaker wrote:

I am not actually a pastafarian

Unbeliever...stone him to death!

All I said was Jehovah.

[black bart]

Where's my beard and packet of stones?

[Qwertyuiopasd]

Also, who is our nemesis? I mean, god had the devil. The spaghetti monster has who? I'd like to know who to watch out for.

Chef Boy-ar-dee or Atkins are popular choices for nemesis, as are any brand of Ninja. Check out the ancient scriptures of the Loose Canon for more stories with protagnoists and antagonists.

[Roland Deschain]

I was also given to understand that children grew up when they went to Pastafarian heaven, or is that a heresy? Either way, congratulations on the indoctrination. All we need now is our own FSM Camp.

[Arkaeon]

Proper gods have no nemesis. They need no nemesis. They are self-sufficient and harmonized within themselves.

That said, some proper goods exist as a form of balance between various aspects. The zen-taoists have the yin-yang (which is not a personal god but a direct pantheistic balance/transformation in the universe). The australian aboriginals have their Two Brothers. The pre-monotheist indo-europeans (& modern neo-pagans & Wiccans) have the God & Goddess, or Frer & Freya in the north. Religions of life tend to work like this. Only spiteful, warlike, unenlightened little semi-gods have a nemesis, because their support is based on hatred & division.

For examples of balance shown by Pastafarianism, you could illustrate the 4-part aspects of the FSM itself:

1) As the "Foundation," you have the Core Meatballs, representing the meaty matters of reality, the basic facts of the Cosmos/science. It takes much learning and practice to understand these things as best we can, and so we should continue learning the lessons of reality throughout our lives. Learning builds our core abilities.

2) Then there is the "Motivation" of the Holy Sauce which coats and flavors the total, the tasty experience of life which is infinitely variable in its recipe and enhances our joy of existence. It is the lifeblood that drives us, looking for better ways with deeper rewards. This reminds us that life is a gift bearing more than mere survival, encouraging also the love and determination to strive for excellence in our own personal recipe of self.

3) As the "Expression" of FSM, around the core there are the tendrils of Noodly Appendages, twirling and expanding, which show how we and all things are connected as we reach out to the universe with our actions. This also shows how inspiration connects what is known to all that is possible. The Noodles are flexible, varying in their positions, because at any given moment there are many options, many paths we could take. It is up to us to find inspiration as it is available and let its truth touch our lives.

4) Finally (sometimes overlooked), there is the "Interaction" aspect of Flying. As FSM flies through the cosmos, it views & reviews all its works and their outcomes. This reminds us to consider our own actions and all we have touched with our own life. What do we bring to the world? What can we improve? What can we learn from our successes, mistakes, and experiences? Where is the next discovery, the next chance to become a more harmonized part of our universe? In order to navigate life, we need to have these questions alive/moving/growing/searching within us.

These principles (Foundation, Motivation, Expression, Interaction), found within The FSM, are similar to Medicine Wheel & its equivalents among other traditions of life religions. They map onto the 4-circle Harmony of Shamanism that is depicted in my avatar here. Thus, FSM is a proper god and needs no opposing nemesis for us to be enlightened by FSM's ways. Where Harmony lives, no division nor hatred is needed to maintain it. These are lessons that would be well learned by all children of the world.

--from a shaman of shadows

[Almighty Doer of Stuff]

That's AWESOME, Arkaeon. If you remove the direct reference to your forum avatar and perhaps rewrite a little bit of it to change the direct addressing of the original poster you're responding to in order to direct it to a more general audience, I'd say that would be a great addition to the next edition of The Loose Canon!

[Qwertyuiopasd]

perhaps rewrite a little bit of it to change the direct addressing of the original poster you're responding to in order to direct it to a more general audience

Or just do what Paul does and directly reference them anyway, and give them enough context to be understood. He probably never intended for the letters to be considered scripture (or if he did that's mighty presumptuous of him, but I guess that wouldn't be the first thing). Do agree about the avatar reference though.

Would love to see the epistle of Arkaeon!