10,000 (more) Commandments

[Roy Hunter]

9113: Windows hath *not* discovered new hardware - I went unto the shops (or the internets) and bought new hardware, then I plugged it in to you, you self-centred smug git of a computer.

[black bart]

^
9112: Thou shalt shun the evil 'Windows' and thou shalt take up thine ipad and walk.

[la la]

9111: Thou shalt remember that to forget to include the bacon bits in thy delicious quiche is a grave offense and will lead to much heartache and mild ostracism. Thou shalt then have to promise to never ever forget the bacon bits again.

[DavidH]

9110 Thou shalt not offer the quiche unto the rabbi, nor into the imam, unless the bacon bits be not therein.

[black bart]

9109: Thou shalt not serve 'Chicken Cordon Bleu' to thine Muslim wedding guests.

[black bart]

9108: Thou shalt not seriously piss off thine senior management.

[Almighty Doer of Stuff]

9107: Thou shalt seriously piss off! Seriously!

[black bart]

9107: Thou shalt seriously piss off! Seriously!

?????

9106: Thou shalt go and throw thineself over the gunnels.

[Roy Hunter]

9105: Thou shalt not leave Cadbury's Chocolate Fingers left over from Monkey on my desk when I come back to work after the holidays.

9104: Thou shalt take down the Christmas decorations in the office when thou art supposed to, thou bunch of slackers.

[Almighty Doer of Stuff]

?????

9103: Thou shalt confuse Black Bart and bonk him on the head.

[black bart]

9102: Thou shalt stand proudlee on thee poop deck wiv pompositee and purpose, looking at thee porpoyses and thee pilchards.

[daftbeaker]

9101: Thou shalt pay attention when thou art shaving. If'n thou dost not and, for instance, beginneth daydreaming about whether B&Q sell titanium screws, then thou art liable to open thine face with thine razor.

[Almighty Doer of Stuff]

9100: Thou shalt not attempt to shave with a fork. Thou shalt look very silly if thou doth.

9099: However, if thou hath a suitably sharp-edged knork, thou may shave with that.

[black bart]

9098: Though shalt curse thine very gods that a downward motion of the razor never completes the job and thou must employ a dangerous upward motion which nicketh thine chops in sundry places.

[daftbeaker]

9097: Thou shalt not get bored with a split lip from the cold weather and try to peel off the dead skin. Verily, thou shalt end up peeling off live skin as well and spend 10 minutes removing blood from thine chin.