Piratic Poetry

[DaveL]

Oi luv it, except the bit which claims Bart invented the Fish Head Stew. It all be lies Oi tell youse!

[black bart]

I has nivver claimed to ave hinvented that orrible stuff...but some owe me goode character has become stained wiv it!

An I made good money supplyin it to thee French Navee under thee label of "Madame Fifi's Bouillabaisse" until they noticed they were losin all their sea battles due to sailors chokin on Fish Heads or even worse their farts ignited durin battle:

[DaveL]

YArrr...

It looks like Big Ron was Second Mate on that voyage. But he doesn't need any stew, he just flames naturally.

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Cap'n Dave Disputed
The Horigins o Fyshe Head Stoo
He swore he had hinvented it
Whilst sittin on thee loo

Like many an omtrepen..ontrepern...hinventor
He forgot where he put his patent
It's no good claimin ownershyppe
When thee plans are all but latent

That blaggard Captain Bart
Always had one eye for a profit
Dave's recipe he usurped
And to thee world he proffered it

Thee flavour is unique
Thee recipe is secret
Thee fish heads are all sourced
From somewhere organic and decent

If only Cap'n Dave
From Thomas Edison had learned
He'd ave a pile o patents
Rising up above his ears

[Ravi Oli]

Ev'rybody 'as one,
ov thart 'tis planely cleer.
Never moind the boogeyman
As thee root ov child'ood feers.

She awlways overduz 'er makeup,
she givs yer cheeks a squeez.
Thee site ov 'er approachin
makes yer weak in thee kneez.

Thars just sumthin abowt her
Sum'ow puts yer ill at ease.
Wen fillin owt the box marked "sex" sez
"Deerie, as of'en as yer can, please!"

Bye now dear readers ye get moi drift
Oi've gone to far to recant.
Thart the bein' Oi've bean speekin ov...
'Tis ower own Dear Agony Arnt!

[black bart]

The Image tag shanty

Thee image tags are a bit loik thee riggin
No one notices it until it be broken
No matter how much ye keep friggin
Yer pikturs will not be displayed

Thee riggin's wot holds up thee sails
The tags is wot holds up thee pikturs
An if there be sudden strong gails
Yer sails will be all full o riptures

Now ye can disagree wiv this fact
Ye can point to thee html tags
But when yer posts images lack
Don't go to the admiralty an continually nag

The sails be 200 by 400 square
That's just the size that they are
To catch more wind would be unfair
Facts is facts and that's wot they are!

(dedicated to Pieces)

[Ravi Oli]

Arrrrr foine rymmin werk bart... but Oi carnt see thee pikchures. Whar be pieces wen ye need 'er?

[pieces o'nine]

Oi respeckfully disagrees wiv yer pome, Bart.






ps: thee broozes frum bein' smacked down for disagreein wiv FAX 'as mostly 'ealed...

[black bart]

As yewsyewall it was a fine but one sided contest...a bit like pitting President Lincoln against Genghis Khan in a game of Mongolian head hockey.

[Roland Deschain]

Nobody Be Noticin'

Thee night were long,
An' thee days were longer.
Nobody be noticin' Cap'n Bart.

Thee fish were large,
But thee squid were larger.
Nobody be noticin' Cap'n Bart.

Thee sails were full,
But thee loo were fuller.
Nobody be noticin' Cap'n Bart.

[Ravi Oli]

Roland was the bouncer at the palais de dance
He'd slash your granny's face up given half a chance.
He'd sell you back the pieces, all for less than half a quid
He thought he was the meanest-
Until he met with Savage Sid.

Now Sidney was a greaser with some nasty roots
He poured a pint of guinness over Roland's boots
Roland looked at Sidney:
Sidney stared back in his eye.
Sidney chose a switchblade
And Roland got a cold meat pie.
Oh! what a terrible sight,
Much to the people's delight.
One hell of a fight.

Sidney grabbed a hatchet, buried it in Roland's head.
The people gasped as he bled:
The end of a Ted?

Well, they dragged him from the wreckage of the palais in bits.
They tried to stick together all the bits that would fit.
But some of him was missing
And parts of him you wouldn't know,
So now he works for TFSM
As the bouncer at the Beer Volcano.

[My thanks and apologies to ELP]

[black bart]

^^
^


McGonagall would be proud of us.