9127: If'n thou attendeth thine mother's wedding thou shalt not take anything she says seriously for verily, she shall changeth her mind every bloody 5 minutes and shout when people do anything.
9126: If'n thou ignoreth the last commandment then thou shalt definitely not threaten to wear lederhosen to embarass her for the daft old bint shall buy them and it will backfire when she makes you wear them in public.
9125: When'st thou getteth to the airport thou shalt check your f***ing boarding card and not trust thine sister to know the correct time the plane leaves.
If thou ignorest this commandment then thou may well end up stuck in an airport for 6 hours, spend 200 quid on a new flight and defuse fights between thine mother and thine sister, both of whom are convinced they are right, determined to have an argument, have to have the last word and are incredibly passive-aggressive.
Don't let the mechanics of beer trick you into thinking you are some kind of warrior, eating barbed wire on the wave of violent disorder. Three words: cage, wheel, hamster - Jason Williamson
I would rather be a rising ape than a falling angel - Sir Terry Pratchett