Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

[Ravi Oli]

I's always said that ye should be certified.

Arrrggghhh Oi'd wunderd thart meself Spot.

D'yer meen Pommy-groan or forum-groan baaaartholymew? Oi thinks iffin ye uses thee certifficats fer tankard coasters down the Benbow fer thee evenin will giv 'em thee hoarthentic happeerance ye want.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

um.um


rrrrrrrr
um um i be sellin wadermilin blud behine Anty FIfi howse fer juss tuppinz fer a sip rrrrrrrrr

[Ravi Oli]

Ye lil' scowndrel... yer drink be cheep... 'tis thee quid ye demands fer nort tellin' thee missus wheres Oi... ermmm... Fifi's paytrons has jest bean 'tis hiway robbery!

[Roland Deschain]

I can certify you, BS. Give me some time though. This will need to be my piece de resistance.

[pieces o'nine]

Who arrrgh ye tryin' ter capn kidde, Roland?
Thee scuttlebutt in Portsmouth is that ye've nivver resisted a piece ov nuffink!

[black bart]

Black Bart returns from Turkish Voyage wiv Sunken Treasure

The Big Brenda sailed back into port after a recent voyage to Turkey clearly sittin heavy in the water. Customs officers an Revenue men immediately had their suspicions aroused as Black Bart came ashore lookin well scrubbed, wearin a new suit an not smellin so much of fishe as yewsyewall.

Search

A search of thee hold revealed nothin but legitimate Pyrate Treasure properly boxed up an stamped wiv thee hofishul stamp: 'Property o Bart Industries, hands orf!' Thee Offishuls all came ashore lookin satisfied an holdin brown parchment henvelopes.

Destrukshun

However thee Hottoman Hempire has launched an hoffishul hinvestigashun into thee disappearance of thee hentire contents of Topkapi Palace after an earthquake was caused by a very large woman having an argument over the size of her Donna Kebab nearby.
Topkapi Before:

and after Big Brenda's Kebab incident:


Sultan Abdul Abulbul Kadir is 93.

[Griffin]

Comment is Free (fer onlee 30 cronan)

'ow did BB hever get thru parsport controll?

email supplied

[DavidH]

BART ON THEE RUN

From our Portsmouth correspondent R. Sole:

Two large fat men wearing baggy trousers and carrying scimitars were said to be wandering round Portsmouth last night, asking "Oh Effendi, where is the one they call Bart? I will give you gold."

[black bart]

Comment is Free (fer onlee 30 cronan)

'ow did BB hever get thru parsport controll?

email supplied

*Out of character for a minute*

It's so funny you should say that.

I have to say that I have been the benefit of incredible generosity from members of this discussion board and a heart felt thanks to you all. Griffin sent myself (and the Black Spot) a lovely lot of beer after out initiation ceremony at the Toadfish Monasatery. My family and I have been the guest of David H and wife and were wonderfully entertained and looked after in Herefordshire. Tigger sent me that beautiful 'Black Bart' coin a while ago. I also got a lovely pirate figure sent to me by one of the old members of the T.M. but I can't remember her name (it had a V in it).

Anyway, to get to the point...when I returned from holiday there was a card on the doormat saying a parcel had arrived and had been taken to the local Post Office. I turned up at the post office with my passport for identification and handed over the card. The lady behind the counter lifted up a very large parcel (about a foot and a half square) and looked at the address label...then she looked at my passport...

"You're not Bart", she said..."Oh yes I am", says I...hand reaching for my cutlass...

The parcel was addressed to Bart of course and I'm afraid that aint the name on me passport! She only believed me when I told her my correct post code...the cutlass slid back into the scabbard and she handed over the massive parcel.

When I got the parcel home and opened it I was quite literally staggered at the contents...it contained a gigantic metal tankard, a beautiful glass beer mug and a ton of sweets (and strangely, some dog biscuits)...

A million thanks to Mad Willlum Bonney.

[DavidH]

Harr! You ate dog biscuits when you stayed at our place ... you didn't know it, that's all!

[black bart]

Harr! You ate dog biscuits when you stayed at our place ... you didn't know it, that's all!

But you aint got a dog!

I shall post pictures of me Gyant tankard shortly.

[Ravi Oli]

Arrrr bart... arrre ye admittin yer open to a bit o' graft, corrupshun an' bribbery? Oi'll 'ave ta foind yer a toad with a bottle o' yer favrit drop... or maybe a roo scrotum purse?

[black bart]

Speakin wiv me hofishul Pyrate Moderhator Gyant hat on... As far as I be concerned, Mad Willium can post rude things when hever he loiks...an I will turn me eye patched eye...he wont get no banninashun from me. As long as it don't hinvolve Dugongs...I draws thee line at Dugong sex.

[DavidH]

But you aint got a dog!

That's why nobody ever suspects. Heh, heh.

[DaveL]

:lol: As long as it don't hinvolve Dugongs...I draws thee line at Dugong sex.

YArrrr...

I always thought they were mermaids. Now where's me spectacles?