Talk Like A Landlubber Day - Sept 20

[black bart]

My word Sir Dave... Did they perchance get themselves into difficulties in Frenchman's Copse?

[The Black Spot]

Sadly yes, Sir Bart. I fell foul of the Frenchmen's cops last time I was in Calais. I was innocently waiting behind a hedge for my carriage to arrive, when these beastly uniformed thugs carried me off. I think they said something about a convent, but I'm not sure as I pay little heed to anyone who can't be bothered to learn English.

[black bart]

How unfortunate Lord Spot, there's nothin worse than a brush with the peelers, wot, wot. I once had to stand as a reference of good character for the Skullery Maid when she was accused of pulling off a policeman's helmet.

[The Black Spot]

My word, you bring back some memories, Sir Bart. I remember as a lad, the local bobby would often chase us because we were throwing snowballs at his helmet.

[black bart]

Indeed one rather fears the local constabulary have marked one down as a wrong-un and no mistake. One is always getting very drunk and blowing raspberries at the Chief Inspector's Balls.

[The Black Spot]

Indeed, the constabulary can be a nuisance at times. Our local peeler always seems to have his truncheon out; the laundry maid said that she finds it unsettling when he stops and points it at her.

[Roy Hunter]

Ah yes - I know the chap! I spoke to Sister Immaculata from the convent, she says that particular constable is always getting her to blow into his breathalyser.

[la la]

What a thing for an upstanding member of a law-enforcement agency to be doing - I confess myself frankly appalled! Honestly, if the working classes are not going to set a decent example for the rest of us chaps, then what bally use are they, one wonders? It makes me feel quite downhearted, although my spirits are somewhat buoyed by an invitation to tea and crumpets this afternoon with a gentleman of whom I am very fond - such a strapping, handsome young man, and recently come into his inheritance! I shall be sure to ask him what can be done about the lax moral standards of certain residents of the area though. If nothing else, I am convinced we should be patrolling the hedges more often...

[black bart]

Absolutely Lady La La ( why is that name so familiar?)...I shall instruct the game keeper to be on the lookout for lurkers in the larches, flashers in the fir trees and ....well, I dread to think what might be going on in the beeches.

[DaveL]

Ahh Beeches, that awfully frightful stage play starring Duchess Bette Midler, singing those immortal lines 'Did you ever know that you're my man servant?' something...something...'But you are the vast estate beneath my wings'...Quite touching really *(sniff)*

[la la]

Ah, how right you are Sir DaveL, how touching and how frightful Duchess Bette was indeed. And you recall to my mind a more innocent time, before the bloom of youth was so artfully corrupted. And how little fun there was to be had in those more innocent times! What with the attentions of chaperones and with the arduous task of maintaining one's place in society, why, one was almost forced to act respectably much of the time! Are we not so much better off in these modern and freeing times? I grow weary of the call for a return to a more moral era, but I take solace in the sure knowledge that where there are morals there are always those who work tirelessly to undermine them. If it weren't for that I should become quite downhearted!

[black bart]

One has stopped off at the Southern Coast of Turkey on the Grand Tour. They were absolutely right don't ya know...it IS murder on the Orient Express.

[The Black Spot]

In Turkey are you? Damnable rough lot if you ask me. Mind you, they have some commendable establishments in the Kasbah. Rather exotic, what!

[DaveL]

Why I do love a good turkey basting! In fact the other day, I caught Mr K. O Shuffle basting a bald turkey behind the sheds.

Thanksgiving is still a few months off, so I think he'd better put that bald gobbler back where it belongs!

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Quite quite Sir DaveL , improper of Mr. O' Shuffle to have his bird out this time of the season.
This reminds me , thee Countess Twisty is hosting a dinner party
next Friday , she enquired if i might stuff her bird , i believe i shall be up for thee task.