Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

[Roy Hunter]

If squinting is your problem, I'd recommend taking some Imodium, and don't get any more ice cubes in your drinks. They're not made with drinking water.

Hope that helps,

Auntie Black-dog-of-depression. xx

[black bart]

Dear Auntie

I has been keepin this under me hat for far too long:

[DavidH]

That would explain quite a lot ...

[DaveL]

YArrr...

Does it come with Weevils on the side?

[DavidH]

Both sides. And on the front, back, top and bottom. And inside. That's what gets at the scalp, you see.

[Ravi Oli]

Deer Arntie
Arnt ye a bit pee'd DaveH be dispensin advoice in yer collum fer scalp n'air treetments when 'tis obveeos frum 'is avatar thart nort 'as worked fer 'im?

[Griffin]

Dear Ansty BlackWord

Oi has a serplus o' skalps - is there a charitee ye can recomend ter donayte them to - aargh! me frend sez wot that shuld be : to wicth Oi can donate them, but me other frend says nivver finish a sentence with a pronown.

Yours

Cap'n Treadmill-Spellinbee

[black bart]

Dear Auntie

I would loik to get a shrunken head.



can yew elp?

Regards,

Cap'n Big Bonce

[The Black Spot]

Dear Big Bonce

if that be your hand in the picture, ye has a bigger problem than yer head to worry about.

[Roy Hunter]

Dear Big Bonce,

I am quite taken with that diminutive cranium. Can you tell me where in Portsmouth I can go to get a little head?

Tarrr very much,

Cap'n Frankie Howerd.

[Griffin]

Dear Ansty Blackworm

Does ye ever get anee hate male?

Yrs
Cap'n Lord Lordy Lordy Treadmill-Seniorr

[Ravi Oli]

Does ye ever get anee hate male?

Aye Griffin... she do send em to 'erself sowas she do get PC Plod in 'is plain clothes fer protecshun.

[black bart]

Dear Auntie

I be exceedinglee trubbled by thee image o thee young man above...he aint got any signs o grubbyness like wot I have...wot thee eck has he done to imself to end up lookin all untarnished like...it aint normal I tells ye.

Also why does ye keep sendin me these packets o orrible tastin biscuits, all chewy and nastee wiv no weevils and labelled: SOPE, or somesuch.

Yours Cap'n Black from head to Foot.

[Griffin]

Dear Cap'n Black-allover
are the biskits h'attached ter ropes?
Yrs
Cap'n Treadmill-Powershower

[Ravi Oli]

Dear Auntie

I be exceedinglee trubbled by thee image o thee young man above...

Arrrgghhh matey... iffin ye lookeded a little loike the yung lad an' a lot less loike yerself Oi reckun Arntie'd tickle yer fancy fer yer.