Talk Like A Landlubber Day - Sept 20

[The Black Spot]

I am sure that the Olympic security won't let us down. We have, after all, employed the services of Messers 4GS who are renowned for their professionalism.

As for Mr O'Shuffle, the security services are on high alert for a man with a large rucksack stuffed with kleenex.

[DaveL]

Well I say!

I hear there are some strange antics that go on the Olympic Village after dark. Apparently the US basketball team are quite skilled in the art of a nocturnal sport called 'horizontal folk dancing'.

I love a good folk dance and it must be very entertaining to see those chaps do their merry jigs after dark.

[black bart]

Indeed Sir Dave. Well I'm getting quite excited about the Beach Volley Ball and I have decided to offer my services as a ball boy, what, what.

[The Black Spot]

Bravo, Sir Bart. An excellent gesture. I know from personal experience what an inconvenience it can be when there's a delay in getting hold of one's balls.

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

I say Lord Spot , speaking of balls , just two days past I was endeavouring to illuminate upon Milady PoN , thee finer points of golfing . Unfortunately Milady was lacking her own clubs so i offered the use of my own .
Dear friends , how marvellously did she handle the shaft and mark me well , my balls have never been wacked so hard .

[pieces o'nine]

* faints dead away in outraged, yet graceful, ladylike horror upon the fair lawns *

* is anxiously ministered to by ladies' maids, footmen, and cognac waitstaff *

* recovers enough to send Errol, trusted valet, to challenge the nefarious wastrel and varlet Lord "Mad" William Bonney to a duel to avenge her most egregiously slighted honor *

* faints dead away in outraged, yet graceful, ladylike horror again *

[The Black Spot]

Good heavens, Earl Bonney! I see that your golfing companion is lying prone on the lawn; exhausted, no doubt, by her exertions on the golf course. It must have been a tiring session -- did you require more strokes than usual?

[DaveL]

Oh I say,

Speaking of the Olympics chaps, I hear they have revived Greco-Roman wrestling. Frightfully skilful and all that, although some of those manoeuvres look extremely unflattering!

[la la]

Unflattering indeed old boy! Although one should endeavour never to pass up the opportunity for some healthy exercise in the fresh air of the countryside - does wonders for the constitution, you know.

[The Black Spot]

Indeed. If you have an interest in Greco-Roman wrestling, you should come over one afternoon and see my scullery maid. You only have to ask and she'll contort herself into some unflattering - but interesting - positions.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

I gunna mayk sum wadermilin blud rrrrr ya wan sum unka spot!?

rrrrrrr

[The Black Spot]

Good heavens Jeeves! Eject this ragamuffin immediately! Even the most cursory glance at his snotty nose and dirty vest confirms that this is the product of breeding among the lower classes. This repellent young whippersnapper shouldn't be here when I'm about to tell the story of how the pole vaulting went last evening.

[Roy Hunter]

I believe the lad may have fallen down the chimney, Lord Spot. These cheery cockney chimney sweeps tend not to feed their employees for fear of the global obesity epidemic or some such nonsense. Too much reading the Daily Mail and not enough working in my opinion!

Anyway, Lord Spot, what was the thrust of your pole-related story?

Whatever happened to the hairy-pogo-stick event, I wonder?

[The Black Spot]

Ah yes Lord Roy, the pole vaulting; there were so many memorable moments. But which sticks in my mind the most?

Was it when the young lady tightly grabbed the pole and went flat out?

Or was it the moment when I feared that the pole might snap under the strain?

A most memorable evening, and well worth the £200.

[black bart]

Marvellous entertainment indeed...I've only just got my breath back after being Sedan chaired over to Horse Guards for the preliminary rounds of the ladies beach volley ball and thence to Greenwich for the Pole Dancing marathon...oh my word the medals go in strange places in the latter event.