The Scurvy Dog - Yer first drink be on the house

[DavidH]

I know where 'e be 'idin, if yer wants to no.

[black bart]

Roight I be ere in thee Benbow awaitin thee other Pastafarian Pyrates wot oiv harranged ta meet, hespshullyyee as one o thee blaggards has come all thee ways from thee Yoonited States o Hamerika...e's bound to ave loads a gold on him on haccount o thee gold mines...

Anuvver bottle o rum bartender on me tabbe loik...no sign o thee blaggards an oiv drunk four bottles o rum...

Where's thee Scottish blaggard...ye'd think he'd be desperate fer a grog...

Tick, Tick, Tick...hours go by...

Bart falls asleep...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Later thee bartender wakes Bart up an tells him thee meetin was in Oxford...last month.

HOXFORD? HOXFORD?!!!! Where in thee name of Neptune be Hoxford?

[DaveL]

Yarrrrr...

Hopefully it's nowhere near Neptune...or ye might need a slightly more high powered galleon

[pieces o'nine]

Lissen hup, ye scurvy lubbers!

Oi finks as we should reeche a con-since-us on thee hofishal pyrate drinke ov choyce fer 2013. Lettuce not fall back on olde faverits, but reeche deepe down hinto thee bilges ov arrrgh hindividjewel an collektiv creativitees!

T'starrrght thee cannon balls rollin, oi 'orfers fer yer considerashun thee followin' ressipea, crafted wiv thee 'elp ov Dom, thee Danger Catte:

Thee Higgs Bosun
-Fill moste ov thee hempty spayce in a shotte glasse wiv non-zero strength tequila
-Pour in ennyfink else wot moight be 'andy an look hinterestin'
-Toss hit back, absorbin' thee contents til yer symmetry (an yer doublet!) be weakened.
-If yer feels suddenly hunstable an quantumly hexcited, ye be drinkin properly!

Wot arrrgh thee next contestants? Don't be shy -- line 'em hup on thee barre, 'ere, so us can try 'em all!

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

Captain the Reverend C.S. Rowan, Esquire, Gentleman Pirate's
Pan Continental Gargle Blaster


Part the First:
—Take your favorite tankard and start pouring in shots from at least 5 of the following beverages:

US Whisky
Mexican Tequila
Caribbean Rum
English Gin
Middle Eastern Arak
Japanese Soju
Scottish Scotch
Russian Vodka
Greek Ouzo
South African Van der Hum liqueur

Part the Second
—Top if off with a shot of Swiss Goldschläger (poured over a slice of lemon)


Part the Third
—Chase it down with a can of Australian beer.

[black bart]

Does thee "Higgs Bosun" ave ta be shaken an not stirred in a Large BigRon Collidor?

[pieces o'nine]

Yarrrrgh ^ oi fergot t'specifye axe-selleratin thee spirits...

This type o'contest seemes mayde t'hoarder fer ye, Bart. Ware be thee long-winded ressipie wot we all knows yer capabull ov?

[black bart]

Arrrrgh thar be "Thee Golden Parrot", guaranteed ta leave ye wiv yer head out of a porthole...

Simplee mix a bottle o Carlsberg Speshul Broo wiv an Holsten Pils and pour down yer gullet...rinse an repeat as necessary. A genuine recipe tried an tested by thee Black Spot and meself. I once asked fer a "Golden Parrot" in Noo York an I got thrown outta Stringfellows...ye can't get much lower than that.

[pieces o'nine]

Oi be toyin wif thee ideer ov compylin a liste ov thee 2013 ressipies an axin fer 'em, one arfter thee ovver, at thee high-brow marrrghtini barrrgh downtown some nyghte arfter worke...

Per'aps oi could challenge 'em t'pick one an hinvent theyre *own* version!

[black bart]

Awlroight mateys:

Thee Golden Kraken Surprise (all me recipes ave thee word Golden in em).

One part Grog,
One part Brasso Chaser
One Part Fyshe Heade Stoo
Angry Steward Bitters
One Kraken*

*This be thee surprise...alf way through drinkin a Kraken lurches out o thee broo an wraps it's tenlerklees round yer head!

[Roy Hunter]

The Black Technician
(as developed by the technical crew at the Mitchell Theatre in Glasgow in 1990, the year Glasgow was the European Capital of Culture.)
Arrive at the pub at approximately 10:15 - 10:25pm (depending on how long it took to shut down and reset the show for tomorrow night) - last orders are at 10:45pm.
Order a pint of snakebite (1/2 lager, 1/2 cider), or if the bar does not sell snakebite, two of you can order a pint of lager and a pint of cider, and then steal a half-pint glass.
Order a Black Russian with a very small amount of cola in it.
Drink the top off the pint of snakebite.
Drop the Black Russian into your pint.
Drink.
Repeat until you fall over (it won't take long).

[pieces o'nine]

Roy's ressipea sounds roight delish.

Bart's ressipea sounds roight Bart Hindustries-ish.

[daftbeaker]

The Bloody Awful (not the actual name but that's the taste I remember)

I forget the exact recipe, it was quite a long time ago. To try and recreate it you will need a pint glass, roughly half a pint of Coke, roughly half a pint of Dr Pepper and a shot glass of Amaretto. Mix the Coke and Dr Pepper in the pint glass, add the shot glass of Amaretto and drink in one go, trying to avoid tipping the Amaretto glass too quickly and getting sickly liqueur up your nose.

Guinness and Port

Much better in that a) it actually tastes brilliant and b) you don't notice just how hammered you're getting, thus leading to much amusement for others when you try to stand up and fall over at the bar. You will need a) a pub with Guinness on tap, b) bar staff willing to put fortified wine into beer and c) someone to carry you home. The recipe is simple, get someone to pour you a pint of Guinness. While it's settling after the first pour, add port (usually a double measure). Get the nice person to top it up and hand it to you. Drink. Repeat. Fall over.

[black bart]

Note to self...keep Cap'n Beaker orf me shyppe.

[daftbeaker]

Note to self...keep Cap'n Beaker orf me shyppe.

Not to worry, the daft bastard will have six and then fall overboard