The Annual Academy Awards Fer Piratical Arts (The Jim Lads)

[Ravi Oli]

Arrrrrgggghhhh bart Oi'd loike ta sponser thart award... an' kin we gives it to 'im daily?

[Roland Deschain]

Oi be knowin' a company wot is sellin' some good dynamite lollies. Jus' send me thee money hin a brown envelope, an' oi be gettin' back to ye.

[black bart]

And now we comes to a noo catagoree of Haward:

Thee Greatest Contribution ter Pastafarian Science Award

The nomineees be apparrarrghntlee:

Roy Hunter
Daftbeaker
Black Bart
Pieces o' Nine
Roland Deschain
Nef Yoo

I be takin thee hunusooal step of askin thee nomineees to take thee Dyaaarghs an tell us all about their contribution an how it has haffected thee commoonitee for thee better (or worse).

[Roland Deschain]

Why thankee, Bart. Oi be the horiginator of thee Pastafarian Doctorate, an' as the hinstigator of bringin' scoience an' religion tergether in an inseparable way, oi be doirectly responsible fer thee whole field o' scoience terday. Plus me own PPhD took ferever ter wroite, so that means it be quality. It also paved thee way fer poirate shippes ter be used as hobservatories of thee stars, further provin' thee hexistence o' the FSM. Aaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

[Roy Hunter]

I was heavily medicated, and managed to get out of the home without Matron or security seeing me. This was very naughty of me. I am very sorry and I won't do it again*. It is a huge waste of Police resources launching a search for a vulnerable person like that, and it causes the staff a lot of anxiety and extra paperwork.
*Until next time...

[black bart]

er...I gathered thee croo o thee Big Brenda tagether loik an asked them:

Wot does ye lot knows about "Skyence"?

There was a long silence...a very long silence...

Oy says I speak up...you over there...Bosun...Bosun Higgs.

I rest me case.

[daftbeaker]

Mine had stoo in it, thus making it the most piratical. QED.

[black bart]

Mine had stoo in it, thus making it the most piratical. QED.

You're what had stoo in it?...this is thee science haward not thee hunyooshewal tropical diseases haward (probably next).

[pieces o'nine]

Oi selflessly applied years an years o' gruelin, personal research fer thee betterment ov all pyrates an wenches.

[Ravi Oli]

....all pyrates an wenches.

Oi wish ta complayn on thee be'alf o'thee otha nominknees... coz pieces tis both, a pyrate an' a wench, duz she get two bites at thee hawards cherry, so ta speek? Tis thee campain fer 'er to show us 'er knorks in otha threads ment ta hunduelly hinfluence thee judges?

[black bart]

....all pyrates an wenches.

Oi wish ta complayn on thee be'alf o'thee otha nominknees... coz pieces tis both, a pyrate an' a wench, duz she get two bites at thee hawards cherry, so ta speek? Tis thee campain fer 'er to show us 'er knorks in otha threads ment ta hunduelly hinfluence thee judges?

Arrr I don't fink it will appen we've got very tuff judges:

[Ravi Oli]

Arrrrrrrggggghhhh happears proseedin's 'ave stalled in grate antissypashun ov a wardrobe malfunkshun an' cameo happearance ov Cap'n pieces knorks. Oi've just knowtist duct tapin' on 'er bodice coz she be takin' this prezteegiss hevent seriously... so away wiv ye fer now lads. 'Owever arfta a few free rums at thee post hawards partee down 'Thee Admiral' she moight be enticed ta let 'em loose. [wink, wink, know wot Oi meen...]

Nominknees get yer fingas owt on thee presentashuns... get this 'ere show bak on thee rowd.

[black bart]

I can't declare meself thee winner...but it would seem thee other nominees ave met wiv hunfortunate haccidents...er (whispers to stage left "have thee death squad carried out me orders?")...or maybe not (wot does ye mean there wasn't enuff gun powder in thee cakes?)...

...er...I'll be back in a minute.

[Ravi Oli]

[orf stage mutterin's]...ye bluddy eejits... thart be me GUM powdar wot 'olds me wooden teef in... nort me GUN powdar!![/orf stage mutterin's]

[pieces o'nine]

*sighs an stomps graysfully onto thee dye-us*

*hisses at Bart* Oh for Kraken's sake! Gi'me thee microfone an thee henvelope.

Thee winner ov thee Jim Lad fer Thee Greatest Contribution ter Pastafarian Science Award goes to Roy Hunter, fer 'is stunning grafiks an hintrepid reserch. Thee judges would loike t'giv a speshul shout-out t'Milo, yer Samoan Attorney.

* thee crowd herupts wiv shoutin an thee loike *

Step loivly, lad, and say sum werdes t'yer hassembled peers...