A parable of the most Blessed of Vegetables*
Long ago, before people lived in cities, when all sailed upon the seas, for the great lands had not been created yet, only a few mountains with trees and midgits. Farther back then even your grandfather remembers. No, further back then that. No, seriously. It was a really, really, really long time ago.
Anyrate, back then, the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared to a small ship crewed by just seven brothers. "Hey! You guys got to check this out!" said the Flying One. And because this was in the days when one did what one was told when a giant sentient mass of moving pasta appeared, the brothers followed the Flying Spaghetti Monster. For seven days they sailed, West and East, North and South (with no landmarks and before the invention of the sextant, it was pretty easy to get lost... even if you are an omniscient creator-diety) until they came upon an island. This island was most unusual and made the brothers cry out in wonder. For one thing, it was bigger then any island they had ever seen - stretching out to both horizons, and passing far beyond their sight across. Secondly, while it did have trees, it had a great many other things on it. Things that were green like trees but were only a few inches high. Other things that were like the Ocean, only long and noodle-like.
"Look guys... I'm kind of hungover right now, and besides, I got to go and mess with Mosey. So I haven't named all these things yet. Why don't you wander around a bit, come up with some good names, and I'll be back in a little while? Okay bye!" Said the Founder Al Dente, as he faded from sight. And the brothers, not having much else to do, got onto this new island and began to wonder around.
The first brother was known as Gi, and was most concerned with following the FSM's word. He began by saying "I think we should decide what to call this island first."
"Is 'island' not good enough?" asked the others?
"No, for this is something bigger and different then other islands. It needs a bigger and different name then 'island'" And the brothers thought and thought, and came up with many names. But none of them could agree. One wanted to call it "SpaghettiMonsterThing", another wanted to call it "island 2.0", and a third for some reason wanted to call it "Studebaker". And while most liked the name "Continent", Gi wanted something better. "It is like an island," he mused "so we should call it something like 'island'. Iiiiiiislaaaaand... Eye... Land. Land! That is it! We shall call it The Land!" and the other brothers agreed mostly to shut him up.
The second brother was known as Yuuki, and was completely unafraid. He went into the trees and came back with a strange thing. It was something like a fish, which all sailors know, but it moved on land rather then flopping and gasping. It was long and smooth down it's length, like a noodle. "Look at this thing I found!" he said. "It was just sitting there on a rock, and it made this hissing noise with it's tail! What should we call it?" And then the noodle-fish twisted in his grip and turned and bit him. "Ow!" said Yuuki, who threw the creature into the trees. "What a sneaky thing! And now my hand aches. I think I shall call it that to make sure nobody trusts it... A Sneak-ache.. or sn-ache for short."
Jin was the third brother, and was very concerned for Yuuki's hand, which had begun to swell and was a most impressive purple color. But Yuuki was not afraid, so Jin kept quiet for the most part. He found a strange object growing on the end of a long tree-that-grows-along-the-ground-but-isn't-a-tree (you see? They really did need names) It was somewhat orange in color, and was sort of round, like a meatball. "What should we call this meatball-like thing?" he asked of his brothers. "It's not a meatball" they cried. "Yes, I know that. I'm not that stupid! But it is sort of like one. I wonder if you can eat it?"
So the brothers tried eating one, but found the outside hard. When one of them got disgusted and threw it on the ground, it burst open, showing a soft inside. The brothers tried the insides. "Disgusting!" said Gi. "I feel sick" said Yuuki. "It's not that bad... okay, yeah it is." said Jin. And he left it there on ground. Gi was so angry at the disgusting vegetable that he stomped it with his foot. "We shall call them squash, because that is all they are good for!" and proceeded to squash them.
Makoto was the fourth brother, and the other brothers liked to play games of chance with him as he was notoriously bad at bluffing and could not tell a lie to save his life. He found an animal that made a noise like "Bow-wow!" so he named it a Gao. (because this was in pre-historic China, I guess?). He found another animal that made a sound like "Meow" so called it a Mao. The other brothers tackled him and dragged him back to the ship before he could name the "Moo" or the "Roar" or the "Chirp". He was very truthful, but not very smart.
Yuuki rubbed his hand worriedly, as it was quite large by now and also hot. "Hey guys? I think I'm going to go lie down. I don't feel so good." He headed back to the ship, where he was very sick indeed and never really trusted those sneak-aches again...
Meiyo was the brother that the others liked to pick on, because he was so uptight about it. They'd call him a name and he'd get all huffy and upset and they would laugh and laugh. He went out to name several things that didn't have great stories behind them, like the stream (because the water streams down... all in a... well, stream...) and the Ass, and the Cock and the calendar and the concept of time and oddly enough red tape, which he found a whole roll of behind a rock.
The youngest brother was named Chuugi, and he was a bit of a kiss-ass. He alone did not name anything, but simply agreed with what everyone else said. He was the one that noticed that Yuuki was carrying a squash with him. "Hey, Gi. Yuuki has a squash." he said. And Gi turned around and was about to demonstrate his hated of the vegetable, when suddenly the Flying Spaghetti Monster showed up.
"Hey guys! How's it going?" asked the Infinite Noodle.
"Not bad, not bad. Naming lots of stuff..." answered the brothers.
"Hey, wasn't there another of you before?" asked the Supreme Wisdom of the Kitchen.
And the brothers admitted that there was. And that he had gotten sick after the sneak-ache had bit him. And had headed to the boat.
"Sneak-ache? What is that?" asked the Most Divine.
So the brothers described the thing... long, no fins like a fish, but scales like a fish.. kind of sneaky.
"Oh! Yeah! I know that thing... And it bit your brother? Oh. Uh-oh... Hang on, let me do something real quick here..." and He did something really quick which probably saved Yuuki's life, though none of the brothers realized it.
The brothers took the Spaghetti Monster through The Land (the other brothers still thought that 'continent' was a better name) and showed him a Mao and a stream and the roll of red tape. And most of the names The Monsterist agreed with (He also liked 'continent' better, though Gi kept insisting it was The Land, and when they set back out to sea, told many other pirates that is what it was called, which is why we call it that still today...). And when they had showed Him all that they had named, He thanked them for their time and brought them to their ship. As they were climbing aboard, He noticed Yuuki's squash.
"And what is this thing?" He asked.
"oh, that..." started Yuuki, but it was grabbed by him by Gi.
"It is called a squash, because that is what you do with it!" said Gi, who threw it to the deck and stomped on it.
"Huh. I thought I made that thing for people to eat..." mused the Spaghetti Monster. "Did you not try and eat it?"
"Well, yes..." started Yuuki
"....and?" Asked the Cosmic Noodle.
"Well..." began Yuuki, because it's hard to say something sucked to it's creator. "...we are but simple sailors...we eat mostly noodles... and this is nothing like noodles. Frankly, we hate it."
"Worst. Vegetable. Ever." agreed Makoto.
The Spaghetti Monster gestured toward the squashed squash, and it became whole again. "So, if it was more like noodles you'd like it? Gi, stop that." And with a gesture He made it whole again.
Yuuki was feeling quite embarrassed and just wanted to not be put on the spot again. So he just quickly nodded. And the Monster gestured again and the squash flew through the air into Yuuki's hands.
"Try it now." said the Beginning and Ending of the Noodle.
So Yuuki broke it over the rail. And on the inside, instead of thick meat was loads of spaghetti-like strings. So the brothers took the spaghetti in and cooked it and poured rich marinara and mozzarella over it. And they decided that it wasn't bad at all. Even Gi had to admit it (though he still wanted to smash the shell.)
And even today, you can find the one vegetable that is more blessed then any other. More then the tomato to make sauce, more then the grain used to make noodle. For the Spaghetti Squash doesn't require effort to make, only some time and seeds. Even other gourds try and grow strings like the spaghetti Squash, yet none are as blessed as it is. Even the Flying Spaghetti Monster agrees. "I'm not normally into that kind of stuff, but if you are vegan or a celiac or something, the Spaghetti Squash is pretty good." He said. And that is pretty high praise if we do say so ourselves.
* - Or is it a fruit? I guess it is a gourd or something. Ugh. Well, we'll figure it out someday.