The Captain's Log

[black bart]

Capn's Log Yarr date Janooharry

Deck covered in Fudge...help!

[DavidH]

Aaar, it may not be Neff Yoo's fault. Happen Mincing Malachi's been on board.

[black bart]

Capn's Log Supplehementaaarl

It weren't fudge!!!!!!

[Roland Deschain]

Cap'n's Log

Sea Date: Slightly Green

We were sailin' through thee straits o' Bertha, when thee sea began ter be'ave in a strange way. Thee land nearby on either soide were movin' an' shakin', an' the sea moved thee ship in an awful way. Seamen were bein' tossed from soide ter soide, an' oi 'ad ter get most of 'em below decks, as they were in danger o' bein' thrown overboard. Nef Yoo were sent ter boy thee crow's nest, as this would be thee perfect opportunity ter get rid o' thee beggar, but ter no avail. Woe is me an' me crew!

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Cappinz log : yarrdate 11.23.02

Fisht abord sum bamboo . Gunna poke Bart inna eye wens Oi seas im.
Argh

[Griffin]

Log Date : Yesterday

Ther be logs all over the deck. Deffo not fudge. The cook be makin The Swiss roll.

Cap'n Needsmust Treadworthy

[DavidH]

Well tell im ter stop before they starts yodellin'.

[Roland Deschain]

Cap'n's Log

Seadate: Too hungry

Thee bilge water ran out terday, leadin' ter the situation where there be no food on board me ship. Thee last of thee fish 'ead stoo 'as gone, an' as not one of thee poirates knows 'ow ter make it wi'out thee bilge water, we be stuck. Me croo be starvin', an' me as well, an' they be threatening ter mutiny on me if oi don't lead 'em ter a source o' bilge water. Oi decoided to get out me map ter thee fabled "Fountain o' Bilge Water", what be rumoured ter be somewhere in thee middle of thee Hatlantic ocean. Oi'm 'opin' that me croo be feelin' confident in me cap'n ablities ter foind the oisland it resoides on.

[pieces o'nine]

Capn's Log
Fe-bleah-yooary

Oi resieved a movin' semafore message about loife in thee ocean depths, wot set me ter myusin about past hexploits wif me crewe...

Thee shrinkin' ov polly styrene 'eads wood mayke a foine arrrghts an craps hacktivity fer me crewe, oi finks.

(Plus, twood save dubloons from sailin t'thee hack chewal porrrgts ov call ware thee hindijinnus peeples make's em from scratch.)

Capn Bart hobserved

hindijinnus peeples?

Arrrgh...they must be thee ones we ave ta run from when we hattempts ta leave wiv thee jools and coconuts...I always makes sure as I have a couple o nice fat croo members wot can't run very fast.

Thee Mad Moggies Revenge were runnin a bit ov a trade deffy-sit, wot wif purchasin' hack chewal shrunkin polly styrene 'eads from thee hindijinnus peeples (wot kept razin' proices whoile citin' thee laws ov "Supply & Demand" an' "Claws & Heffect"). Oi tole 'em that pyrates duzzint respeck them sorts ov laws, but they reparteed wif some ballyhoo on thee hinvisibull Hook ov thee Free Markets, or some sech nonsense. Everwun knows that thee markets arrrghn't free or wot wood be thee hadvantage ov pillagin, oi axes ye?

Then we tryed himporrrghtin' shrunken polly styrene 'eads from thee Farrrgh Easte arfter Capn Marco Polo hopened thee doors t'Chinese trade. But ye woodint believe thee shippin 'eadaches, wot wif thee Spanyerds hattemptin' t'pyrate arrrgh pyrated goods roight out frum under us, loike.

So now oi finks this harrrghts an craps hacktivity wood mayke a foine cottage hindustry, wen thee Ocean o'Sand be too frozen (from Global Warrrghmin') ter sail hin comforrrght in thee winters. Oi've sent me Errol Flynn, me cabbin bouy an marrrghketin pro-ta-zhay, ter call on Bart Hindustries an pitch arrrgh domestickly produced shrunkin polly styrene 'eads, fillin thee marrrghket niche wif moor prophets an less danger than thee olde way.

Oi hexspecks ter mayke a killin.

Figyurativly.
(although oi suspecks there be some lawyer-types in thee B.I. corrrghporrrghate 'eadquarrrghters wot *needs* killin)

[black bart]

Capn's Log 8 Months after thee Burstin o thee South Sea Bubble

I can ardlee belheave it...me CE at Bart Hindustries tells me thee bottom has dropped out o thee Fur Lined Underwear Market just as I'd put in a huge order wiv Thee North West Trapping Co!

I moight ave ta go wiv Pieces o Nine's Shrunken Heads after all although bein someone who loiks ta think big I moight suggest a side line in Gyant Easter Island Head garden features wiv hoptshonal water spout.

[pieces o'nine]

Capns Log

Oi bin reserchin ovver soizes ov shrunken polly styrene 'eads an 'ave found these:



Oi finks we be in on thee ground deck ov a marrrghketin treasure chest, per'aps thee biggest thing sints bedazzled oipatches! Errol 'as semi-fored me that 'e's met wif B.I., but no details yet.

[black bart]

Capn's Log St David's Day 1776

There I was hinspectin thee Fish Head Stoo vats at the Factory when in comes this 6 feet tall, long haired dandy wiv a floppy feathered hat and a shirt straight out o Mrs Miggin's Blouse Emporium...I say he came in...actooally he swung in through thee window brandishin his rapier and shoutin "Lock up yer daughters...My names Errol and they're in peril"!

Well this sort o thing has a habit of happenin to me. A few years ago I was just about ta sweep thee King o Spains daughter* of her feet (mostly it was the smell), when Captain Mortenso Haarket sweeps in and nabs her from under me nose (true story).

So I was avin none of of this 'Errol's' himpertinance an I had im clapped in irons on the spot...he keeps mutterin somethin about shrunken heads...I think thee dungeons ave sent im mad.

*When I say the King o Spain's daughter I actually mean Meg the Scrubber from thee docks.

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Dam log !
Blastid sliffars !
ARRGH!

[pieces o'nine]

Capns Log:

Errol Flynn, me old cabbin bouy 'as returned wiv a woild tail ov bein shanghaid an clapt in oiyurns hat Bart Hindustries. Oi duzzint no if oi hexackly *belheeves* 'im, but 'e were hin *much* worse shaype than arfter 'is yooshul annyool visits t' Madame Fifi's. Also, 'e smuggled back a cupple "prototypes" witch 'e claymes 'e nicked from thee orfiss ov thee CEO.

Oi naymed 'im Vice Capn ov Reeserch' an Deevelopmint, an set 'im in charrrghj ov mass-prodoosin' these novilteas afore arrrgh contacts at BI reeloizwes they be gone.

[black bart]

Hindustreehal Hespionhage orf thee lowest form...I moight ave suspekted as such from thee Hamureekans...no wonder Clive Sinclair went bust!