Oh, Rebellious, my poor, misguided child...
Well, your chosen name says it all I guess: Rebellious. You must learn, my friend, that the so-called "Big Bang" is in direct opposition to the Highly Scientific Holy Doctrine espoused the devoutly faithful members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is Eternal - without beginning or end. He is without cause, but is the cause of all else. He is omnipotent, and can in fact do everything that is logically possible. Can He create a rock so heavy that He can't lift it? That is a question of mere logical trickery devised by finite human reason. Philosophical Reason applied by the finite human mind is insufficient to grasp infinity.
Does the Flying Spaghetti Monster fly? That is the best approximation our limited human understanding can ascribe to His "movement state." He is actually the entire universe and everything in it. He "flies" in the same way that no solid object appears to suspend the planet upon which we walk.
Is He made of durum semolina, bound by egg whites, with a pinch of salt and mixed with water? Are His Orbs made of meat? Is His Sauce tomato? Again, these are the best approximations our limited human understanding can ascribe to Him. He is not "made" of any substance as we understand substances. He made them, but is not made of them. He is "spirit-substance," the same substance of which our souls are made. We cannot grasp the form of our soul-substance, either, even though it dwells inside us.
The closest approximation we can find which represents His Heavenly Form, and the substance which seems infused with His most Holy Tastiness, is Spaghetti. Any of the various kinds of long, thing, pasta or noodly-type foods will suffice. Any protein-based, shapeable spiced food can be used in place of the "Orbs". The "Sauce" can be of many delicious varieties. Thus, this is how He is made manifest by us unto ourselves.
Is He a He? Again, the inadequate answer lies within human inadequacy; in this case, grammatical traditions within the English language which give no gender-neutral pronoun, and have always substituted the paternalistic "He." Yes, it's sexist, but no one seems to want to invent a new word, and referring to Him as It seems somehow disrespectful. Referring to Him as Her seems to make even some women get pissy. I'm not sure why. Regardless, we stick with "He."
Is He a Monster? On this issue, the ancient texts have been consulted numerous times, with no conclusive agreement that "Monster" is in fact the perfect translation. Source texts disagree. Some seem to indicate "Master", while others have referred to "Mammoth" or "Mutant," and one which appears to read "Flowerpot." This has been dismissed as noncannonical, however, because "Flying Spaghetti Flowerpot" makes little sense. It seems that our historical scribes didn't use spell-check.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster created All That There Is. Anything which seems to contradict that is misinterpretation of supposed "data" and "theory" which the Flying Spaghetti Monster changes at His whim. He does this to fool the unfaithful. Once you have been TRULY Touched by His Noodly Appendage, you will come to understand that there is a difference between theory and fact, and most people can be easily fooled into misunderstanding what that means.
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