Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

[ChowMein]

Fank ye ye welkum perfesser ,

Oi appreeshate yer efferts .

[Roland Deschain]

Ok, so it's taken me a while, but a little nudging helped get me back on track. Below are the remaining certificates. I have a good idea what my thesis is going to be about, I just need to do a little more research before writing it in full.

Auntie Blackbeard


ChowMein

[pieces o'nine]

Arrrgh, ye've done well by these Sir Tiffy Cattes, an we be all perchin on thee hedges ov arrrgh pubbe seats, loike, t'see wot ye come hup wif.

[black bart]

Arr since I framed up me Doctorayte Certifeecut in me cabin I have found that me croo take me more seriouslee loik. I think it must be summat ta do wiv Fengeeshewyee or summat. I has thee certificate up behind me on thee wall so when a croo member comes in to complain (which hoccurrs every two ta three minutes on haverage) I makes sure they can see me doctorayte a hangin behind me...that an I usually has a couple o loaded pistols pointin at em.

[Roland Deschain]

Aaaaarrrrrrrrgggghhhhh, that be good ter hear, Black Bart. Ye need ter be forceful wiv thee tykes on occasion!

I formally present to you all my doctoral thesis for my Pastafarian Philosophy Degree (or PPhD). It took two days to write it once I had the will and the time, and I think you may enjoy it. As it could not be pasted onto the forum, I have uploaded it onto mediafire in a PDF, which was converted from .docx (Word 2010). Feel lucky. I had originally forgotten to switch on the compression settings on my converter program, and it was 76 MB. It is now fortunately only just over 3 MB. Enjoy.

A Study Into Evidence For The FSM: Proof of His Existence Through Both Cosmological and Biological Phenomena

[Roy Hunter]

Top class, Roland! It will take me a while to plough through it all, but a brief skim of it reveals dodgy methodology, cherry-picking evidence, blatant experimenter bias, and just a touch of psychoticism. Excellent work all round!

[Roland Deschain]

Top class, Roland! It will take me a while to plough through it all, but a brief skim of it reveals dodgy methodology, cherry-picking evidence, blatant experimenter bias, and just a touch of psychoticism. Excellent work all round!

Thanks, Roy. I had a lot to live up to after you posted your one, not to mention the excellent others, so it was do or die. I wanted to make the Results/Discussion and Conclusion sections longer, but in the spirit of the occasion, felt that it would have betrayed the [dodgy] integrity of the whole.

EDIT: Psychoticism?

[Ravi Oli]

Oim reedin' me seryal box - grippin' literitchure that it be - an' tis sayin' yee ken get any certyfakashun yee wont by postin' in 3 o' thee coopon thingies. Ken yee be hexplaynin' then thee bennyfits o' roitin' a long winded tale fer yer certyfakate wen Oi ken gets wot Oi need fer thee smawl hextra cost o' a stamp??

[Roland Deschain]

Ravi Oli. There are a number of issues with your questions/statement there, which would not have happened if you'd been classically trained, and had written your doctorate. The problems with your method, and the benefits of mine, are:-

• A cereal box is far too high brow for decent certificates.
• The cost is far higher than just a stamp. You have to buy three of the boxes of said cereal, then the added issues of them going out of date before you consume them, and the cost of storage come into play.
• I bet you cannot get a PPhD from them, or maybe not even a doctorate.
• There is no satisfaction in getting certificates without the hard work and due diligence.
• Writing a doctoral thesis helps sharpen the mind.
• My certificates come virtually printed on old paper. It even has discolouration and stipples, for that extra little bit of authenticity.
• My certificate has a genuine solid 9ct gold-plated star on it. Honestly!
• Mine can be delivered to you lickety-split, rather than waiting for the cereal company to send theirs out.
• You can get one of mine by just asking, stating your choice of design, as per the instructions in the OP, and stating what name/research you would like on the front of it (did you miss the whole thing with my loose morals, as per half the certificates i've given out?).

As you can see, the choice is that there is no choice. Mine far outweigh this false competition.

[ChowMein]

Oim reedin' me seryal box - grippin' literitchure that it be - an' tis sayin' yee ken get any certyfakashun yee wont by postin' in 3 o' thee coopon thingies. Ken yee be hexplaynin' then thee bennyfits o' roitin' a long winded tale fer yer certyfakate wen Oi ken gets wot Oi need fer thee smawl hextra cost o' a stamp??

Yarr ! Wot flimsy standarrrrds ye haff !

Oi fink ye haff a disertashun in thee werkin' roight tharr m8 !

BTW Rolling , fank ye fer thee sustiffykits , noaw me mum kant say ove wastid me loife aweighs no moor .

[Ravi Oli]

Deer Proff Rollind PPhD SA [Self Appointed]
Oi 'ave beegun reedin' yer dessertation [Oi culdn't a handled it fer the main course] an' thee furst thing Oi noticed tis sposed ta be thee own work, as it shud be, yet yee are using the Royul "We", himplyin' ta me ether yee 'ad collabereighters or yee are an outrageous Queen. Iffin tis purelie playjerizin' then haccept me 'umble happology - yee are a pyrate true.

As ta the cost o' seryal - Oi has ta feed thee croo and they'll be eatin' wots they gets - weevals n'all.
Thee certyfakates offerd inclood up to 20 letturs af'er yee name, with a 'small hextra cost' shuld yee requyer more. They hawlso inclood 3 loines o'fine print unreedable ta the nakerd eye.
Thee saterfacashun Oi 'ope to hacheeve tis frum the wenches Oi've brung ta me cabin ta himpress wiv thee certyfakates and me etchin's.

Iffin yer certyfakate contayns a garrenteed wench magernet Oi'll sign up himmeedyately!!

[Roy Hunter]

EDIT: Psychoticism?

Psychoticism is an aspect of the personality, which is roughly defined as the predisposition of the person to psychotic-type behaviour (not actually having a full-blown psychotic episode yourself). It was popularised by Hans Eysenck as part of his personality questionnaire the P-E-N (Psychoticism, Extraversion (sic), Neuroticism). The questionnaire was later expanded to include Social Desirability, or if you prefer, Lying.

[Roland Deschain]

Ravi Oli, in the instance of me using the first person plural pronoun "we" in my thesis, this was due to the convention in academic papers of using the first person narrative as little as possible. I can assure you that all the work was mine, and a search on Google for any part of that text will turn up nothing resembling my work. Trust me, there's nothing like that out there.

As to the chances of attracting the gentler sex (or so i'm told they are, but I don't believe it), the sophistication and style of it should be more than enough, but if it isn't, there's always the custom title and different designs to improve your chances.

Dr. Hunter, PPhD - Yeah, I did look it up, as I wasn't sure whether it was alluding to me being psychotic to any degree, and this coming out subconsciously in my thesis, hence the

EDIT: I just narrowly avoided double-posting, lol. I've edited my thesis to take care of a couple of grammatical errors and to add an acknowledgements section at the end. Link is below:-

Updated Thesis by RD

[pieces o'nine]

Yarrrgh, oi've downloaded yer hupdayte t'reade t'me crewe. Oi sees ye 'ave pitchers, maff dye-grams, an footenotes, so oi hexspecks quality werke.

Witch sir tiffy catte 'ave ye settled on, then?

[Roland Deschain]

Yaaaarrrrrrggggghhhh! Thank'ee for ye koind words, Cap'n O'Noine. Oi settled on thee most popular one, as that be lookin' loike a proper certificate ter me an' me crew. Oi 'ope ye henjoys me theesiss!