10,000 (more) Commandments

[ChowMein]

9240 : When thou hast removeth thee lide frometh thee can uf cat foode ( an' quit buying thee economy stuff ye cheep bastid ! , oim nay gunna touche it ! ) , cast ye away thee sharp lid ande empty can , for thou knowest that i be but a gutton ande thee minced tuna soaking in that succulent sauce be notte unlike crack to me , verily shall i seek out thy can ande /or thy lid ande proceedeth to lick thee sharp edges uf thee aforementioned ande mayest cuttest mineself , this shalt vex ye greatly ande thou shalt curse your empty purse when thee vet presentest ye withe thee requeste uf payment fore services rendered .

[Roland Deschain]

9239: Thou shalt recycle thy refuse, or at least cut down on thy packaging, as it damageth thee environment to have middens thee size of Manchester.

[Roy Hunter]

9238: thou shalt be kind to Mancunians, it is not their fault that the Gallacher brothers and Consternation Street come from there. Or that the city smells like that. Or that the IRA failed to completely blow it up.

[black bart]

9238: thou shalt be kind to Mancunians, it is not their fault that the Gallacher brothers and Consternation Street come from there. Or that the city smells like that. Or that the IRA failed to completely blow it up.

Oy!...just watch it...my in-laws are Mancunians (I nearly said Manchunians then ).

[Roland Deschain]

9237: Thou shalt calm down.

[black bart]

9236: Thou shalt burn Anne Robinson in a Wicker Man next solstice.

[daftbeaker]

9235: If'n thou art bored then thou'st can open thine can of beer or cider with a Swiss army knife can opener. Thou shouldst be aware that thine can is liable to spray beverage over a large area.

9234. If'n thou dost open thine beverage in this way then thou shoulds't refrain from poking holes in the can. The sharp metal edges will inevitably dig into your hand when trying to drink from thee blasted thing.

[black bart]

9233: Thou shalt be sure to own a Swiss army knife even if it's not this one:

[Roy Hunter]

9232: Thou shalt not watch Prime Minister's Questions, as thou shalt end up shouting at the television and upsetting thy dog.

[black bart]

9232: Thou shalt not watch Prime Minister's Questions, as thou shalt end up shouting at the television and upsetting thy dog.

I happened to catch it today and I just walked away shaking my head...utter bollocks.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

nummer nine fowsind an sumfin

rrrr. I coman ya ta fetch me a bakin sammich
rrrr
an put sum flayd tomado an sum letice innit
an sum mayonayz

rrrr
fank ye yer welkum
rrr

[black bart]

9231: Thou shalt pat Nef Yoo on his head and say gently...keep on dreamin sunshine.

[Roy Hunter]

9230: Thou shalt check thy diary for meetings thou hast put in there about a year and a half ago, lest thou fail to turn up on the appointed day and time.

9229: If thou failest with #9230, thou shalt blag it by saying to the irate bureaucrat on the phone "But I sent you my apologies for that one about a month ago... Have you changed your email address?", because being a bureaucrat in the NHS they will no doubt have done so.

[Roland Deschain]

#9228: Thou shalt learn from thy expert blaggers, who impart their wisdom to thee.

#9227: Thou shalt listen to John Lennon on thy day off.

#9226: Thou shalt scratch thy head in confusion as to the logic of expecting people to remember meetings booked 18 months ago.

[black bart]

9225: Thou shalt hope thine manager doth not jumpeth ship to Liverpool FC.