Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

[Griffin]

Dear Auntie Blackbird

This be a serious problem and needs a serious answer so Oi 'opes ye wont be givin me any o' your usual nonesence, (I dont knows why Oi write to ye at at cept one lives in 'ope)

Oi be cummmin up fer retirement and need somewhere dead cheep ter liv. I tryed out a Retired Pirate Colony but it were hell on earth (landlocked). It were full o' Pirates whinging about the food, and squabbling about what time to meditate. What Oi needs is a good place with weekly "Barnacle Bingo". Swashbuckling Songalong, Knit a Sailor, sessions ans the loike. Preferably where they pay ye to stay there.

Please 'elp.

Yrs Cap'n Heave Ho

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Dear Cap'n Heave Oer thee Side

As I see it there be onlee one place fer a big fan of "Give Us a Clue" like yer good self to retire:



Thankee yer welcome.

[Griffin]

Dear Auntie Blackbird

Be that a real Rolex that man be wearin'?

Yours truly not

Cap'n Heave Ho

[black bart]

Arrgh o course tis a real Rolex...that be none other than the direct descendent o King Louis Blairiot IV O France...

the exalted line goes thus:

King Louis Blairiot
Blaire Peach
Blair Blair Black Sheep
The Blaire Witch
Tony Blair
Lionel Blair

[DavidH]

Aargh Griffin, Oi thinks ye wants to come and live near us in Yereford. It be a bit far from thee sea, but plundering Vikings rowed up here in the 10th century and there be plundering on thee Welsh border (Well there was until the 14th century).

[Roland Deschain]

Oi 'ave a bit of a problem with me pegleg limp. Oi've started to lose it! Oi've been walkin' abnormally for quoite a whoile now, an' am worryin' a bit about it. Do ye think that oi will get it back arter bein' on this 'ere board for a whoile? Oi'll be grateful to thee and will share some of me grog with thee if you can 'elp me back to me limpin' best.

[daftbeaker]

Oi 'ave a bit of a problem with me pegleg limp. Oi've started to lose it! Oi've been walkin' abnormally for quoite a whoile now, an' am worryin' a bit about it. Do ye think that oi will get it back arter bein' on this 'ere board for a whoile? Oi'll be grateful to thee and will share some of me grog with thee if you can 'elp me back to me limpin' best.

Ye'll foind that yer limp is mainly sykosermattic and if ye believes yer need ter limp then ye will. Until ye can regain yer limping confidens oi recommends smacking yer thigh wif a sturdy bit of wood. Ye'll have yer limp back in no toim

Fer a short term fix try stretching yer mussels down the bak o yer leg, then sitting on it fer arf an hour

[DavidH]

Ye'll foind that yer limp is mainly sykosermattic and if ye believes yer need ter limp then ye will. Until ye can regain yer limping confidens oi recommends smacking yer thigh wif a sturdy bit of wood. Ye'll have yer limp back in no toim
Fer a short term fix try stretching yer mussels down the bak o yer leg, then sitting on it fer arf an hour

Nah. Just put a razor blade in yer shoe.

[Ravi Oli]

^ ^^ ^^^ Iffin it be a new leg ye've haquired fer ye bord reeturn, Oi've found trimmin' a centameta or tuw orf thee bottom wilt garuntee thee desyerd limp.

[black bart]

Aye...but always be careful to dispose of thee severed limb carefully...ye don't want to end up loik this poor chap:

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Dear Auntie Blackbeard,

I am pissed at 6pm. How do I fix this situation? More specifically, I enjoy getting drunk. How do I stop my family moaning at me when I'm rolling around on the floor?

Yours sincerely,

DB

Deer Cap'n Keep Away Frum Opin Flame ,

Alla mown en sech muss be frum ye kickin' em in thee shins !
Go roll abowt on thee fron' lawn !

*Ye'll notice thet gittin' furdur away frum ye relashuns thee lisser thee valyume offe derr carrion on en sech bekum*

yer welkum dearie , Anty BB XOX

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Dear Auntie BB, them oother pyrates kep mockin' me cause me ma put me i' a skirt... can ye put th' anty bullyin' p'lice onto em?

Deer Capin Well Vintillattid Unner Tharr ,

Ye b nu soze oil sind me price liss to ye forfwiff .
Thee Nest is alwaze thrild to 'ave nu cussamers !

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Oi 'ave a bit of a problem with me pegleg limp. Oi've started to lose it! Oi've been walkin' abnormally for quoite a whoile now, an' am worryin' a bit about it. Do ye think that oi will get it back arter bein' on this 'ere board for a whoile? Oi'll be grateful to thee and will share some of me grog with thee if you can 'elp me back to me limpin' best.

Me Deer Cap'n Prollum Wiff Me Woode ,

Sowns ta me wot loikely ta be woode rot , ye bess leef bowf thee pegleg an yer stump in thee sun thru owt thee noon houres .

Wishin' ye goode lucke wiff thet gang greene , Anty BB xox ( fer wot ets wurf )

[Griffin]

Dear Auntie Blackbeetle

Oi be 'avin' issues wiv me personalitee. Oi keeps h'answerin' meself back. Shuld Oi seees a dokter?

Cap'n Heeve Ho

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Me deer Capin Heeve hoes an' rakes ,

Oi duzint see eny prollum me dearie , ye be wiff goode kumpenny an ' ye gunna heer noice fings abowt yerseff oi wager .