Portsmouth Police refuse to release pictures of Black Bart!
Despite pressure from the pirate community and the media, Portsmouth Police have decided against releasing pictures of Black Bart. Mayor Keith Liversausage said in a statement "We had to weigh the benefits against the risks, and in the end we have decided that it might prove too inflammatory to release these very provocational and frankly ugly photos".
Black Bart; who has been described in the past as "being badly beaten with the ugly stick", having a face like "a melted Wellington boot" or "a trout with indigestion"; was photographed following a covert mission by US Special Forces to infiltrate Thee Benbow and get bladdered. A spokesman for Thee Benbow said "It was a nightmare. Those poor squaddies. They came in all very inconspiculusly, very low-profile, with their buzz-cuts, commando knife tattoos and foreign accents. The last thing they wanted to see was a drunk pirate, with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp, standing on a table singing "Mae hen wlad fy nhadau yn annwyl i mi, Gwlad beirdd a chantorion, enwogion o fri,".
A Pentagon source told The Guaaarrrdian "We never comment on operational matters. But, man! That guy looked like he'd spent the weekend in a cement mixer with a sackful of hammers. I Tweeted the photos first thing I saw them".
Detective Turtleholmes is currently listed as Missing In Action.
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