Hell?

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kenny_the_disciple
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Hell?

Postby kenny_the_disciple » Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:08 pm

As we all know when one's soul leaves the body they go to Heaven where an endless Beer Volcano erupts and stripper factories as far as the eye can see. But what of those who have not followed FSM truly and have disobeyed thy noodly master. Sooooooo? Is there a devil or form of hell? Hmmmm? I pledge my soul to thee :worship:
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"And thus his noodly appendage reached from the heavens and from it sprung the mountain, trees, and a midgit. And let it be known that spelling of midgit his how his lord and master created it. And for a time it was good..."

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Alpaca
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Postby Alpaca » Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:16 pm

I think the FSM can't be bothered by those who don't follow him. He just sort of ignores them, and they get to just languish. It's not their fault they lack the acuity to believe.

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Antipaladin
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Postby Antipaladin » Wed Dec 14, 2005 11:29 pm

I think another thread determined that the devil took mortal form in the body of Dr. Atkins. Those who stray from the noodle shall lose weight, in the form of thier soul.
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miketheguitarist
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Postby miketheguitarist » Thu Dec 15, 2005 12:53 am

I would like to think that His Noodliness is too good of a creature to punish those who do not follow him.

I think he'd just let them be, and not send them to a horrid place to live out the rest of eternity, like some OTHER gods do... lol.

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Postby Sir Francis Drake » Thu Dec 15, 2005 1:56 pm

Yea, for He is wise. Plus, wouldn't it be Hell enough to be stuck here knowing that somewhere out of reach there's a Beer Volcano and a Holy Orgy of sorts? That'd just kill me.
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The Meromorph
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Postby The Meromorph » Thu Dec 15, 2005 5:53 pm

It's quite simple, you get to go to the same heaven with the beer volcano and the stripper factory. You just start out farther away from the aforementioned delights, and you have to walk a little to get to them, and work up a nice thirst.... :)

Isn't the FSM nice...?
Laughing in the rain.
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miketheguitarist
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Postby miketheguitarist » Thu Dec 15, 2005 6:31 pm

^He is indeed. FSM is the most enlightened of Omnipotent beings.

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fusiontortellini
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Postby fusiontortellini » Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:12 pm

I don't think we know what FSM does with people who insist on being punished, though. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would be extremely disappointed not to burn forever. I don't understand them, but there's a lot I don't understand about people. :roll:
Who really might actually be back this time . . .

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Dr. Otis Lansa
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Postby Dr. Otis Lansa » Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:19 pm

fusiontortellini wrote:I don't think we know what FSM does with people who insist on being punished, though. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would be extremely disappointed not to burn forever. I don't understand them, but there's a lot I don't understand about people. :roll:


If someone really needs punishment, THEY get to wash dishes in the Bottomless Dish Pit.. it's hot and dark and your undies are always soaked in dishwater. I'll make sure to burn the hell out of a few pans a night just to keep them scrubbing extra hard. We'll still send 'em down a pint at the end of the shift though.
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Qwertyuiopasd
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:07 pm

as for what Mermo was saying, some people are so far away they have to ride a freakin' BUS to get there.

of course, for the REALLY conservative and anti-FSM people, who say "you mock god!" and "fsm cannot exist! because god does!", heh, well THEY get heaven. just like us (with slightly less beer).

can't you just imagine the looks on their face when they realize they were wrong THE ENTIRE TIME? I'll be sure to have my camera ready when those guys die!
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Alpaca
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Postby Alpaca » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:40 pm

And the funny thing will be that they're in heaven for eternity! Haha! They have an eternity to mourn how wrong they were!

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Dr. Otis Lansa
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Postby Dr. Otis Lansa » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:46 pm

A couple of beers and a show or two at the stripper factory, and I think most of them will come around. Some will make very fierce pirates, methinks....
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Alpaca
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Postby Alpaca » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:49 pm

Still, in heaven, missionary pirates aren't as useful as on Earth, though they rock harder, because they're heavenly, and they're PIRATES!

Now, what do we do about those who'd think the stripper factory was sinful? While they're in heaven?

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Dr. Otis Lansa
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Postby Dr. Otis Lansa » Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:57 pm

The stripper factory creates what they desire, so their strippers will probably have clothes, until they loosen up a bit. Remember, much of their morality and perception of sin is based on trying to follow the rules for getting into Heaven... once they're there, it'll be a little easier for them to adopt the Flimsy Moral Standards.
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Postby onlinebiker » Mon Apr 10, 2006 10:51 am

After consuming much Guinness Stout one night, I had a vison revealed to me by his Noodlyness....

FSM Hell is EXACTLY like FSM Heaven --- except the beer volcano only issues forth stale keg beer, and the stripper factory only issues out a likeness of Janet Reno....

It's too horrible to contemplate..........


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