10,000 (more) Commandments

[Roy Hunter]

Back in the day when I was a Blood Runner (a volunteer biker, moving blood, plasma and platelets from hospital to hospital* as required), a colleague of mine was given a police 'blues and twos' escort from the Southern General Hospital in Glasgow to Ayrshire Central Hospital in Irvine (about 25-30 miles?) carrying blood and platelets for a premature baby.

The journey took 20 minutes. He recalls seeing 120mph on the speedo, but probably went faster (when you're going faster than that, you tend not to look at the speedo so much - your stopping distance is sometimes further than you can see). When they got there, one of the police outriders said "Well done. Well driven. If I ever see you driving like that again, I'll chop your legs off".

*If you don't know anything about banking, there is no single 'blood bank': blood is distributed around hospitals in the area in what they hope will be the right distribution. When they need a larger amount of a different type, one of us would get the call: we had bright red thermally-insulated top-boxes which enabled you to get away with murder the rest of the time, because the cops knew what they were for).

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

rrrrrrrrrr
ummmm
nummer nin fowsind
en sumfin

i comman ye ta fetch me sum limin pye
fank ye ye welkum
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Eendje]

9286: If thou find thyself being charged with driving 40 in a 25 zone, maintaineth that speed is relative, can never be determined with infinite accuracy (on account of your position wavefunction then spreading out to infinity), and that, due to Doppler shift, the red light appeared green.

9285: When this turns out not to work, just pay. Please. For your own sake.

[StJason]

9284. Come to think of it, pretty much any time a peace officer comes to you and gives a fine due to something that may not have been the brightest of things to do, it's just better to just pay rather then try and fight it.

[black bart]

9283: Shhhhhhh...thou shalt watch out there's a rozzer about^

[daftbeaker]

9282: Thou shalt spell 'rozzer' 'rozzer'

[black bart]

9281: Thou shalt remember that I hath moderator powers (fsm knows why) and can fiddle me typos

[Roy Hunter]

9281: Thou shalt remember that I hath moderator powers (fsm knows why) and can fiddle me typos

9280: Have mercy on the lysdexic... the dylsixec... the sexlysdic... people who can't spell, and help them to mend the error of their ways.

[black bart]

9279:^ For they shall inherit thine thread...velriy...veliry...yelivry...oh bollocks!

[Ubi Dubius]

9278: Thou shalt not make jokes about an insomniac dyslexic agnostic who stays awake all night wondering whether there is a dog; for it is stupid and it hath been done before.

[black bart]

9277: Or the tramp who sayeth: I stink therefore I am.

[StJason]

9276: The one about two men walking into a bar, but the third one ducks is still fair game, though.

[Roy Hunter]

9275: The one about the flasher who exposed himself to two old ladies may be inappropriate depending on the company and context (one of the old ladies had a stroke, but the other one couldn't reach).

[black bart]

9274: Or verily the one about the two nuns driving through Transylvania when all of a sudden they were surprised by Dracula...one nun said to the other: "Quick show him your cross" so the other one jumped out and shouted "Oy Dracula **** off out of the way!"

[Tigger_the_Wing]

9281: Thou shalt remember that I hath moderator powers (fsm knows why) and can fiddle me typos

9280: Have mercy on the lysdexic... the dylsixec... the sexlysdic... people who can't spell, and help them to mend the error of their ways.

9273: Thou shalt remember that His Noodliness has shown infinite mercy already, for the anagram of dyslexia is dailysex, thus ensuring appropriate behaviour following tpyos.