The Annual Academy Awards Fer Piratical Arts (The Jim Lads)

[black bart]

Yarrrgh, that be troo.

'E shood 'ave a Jim Lad fer Russian in ware Monkeys feers t'tread...

Ken IS thee Missin Link...Kennethopithacus (although now I been a readin o Dicky Dawkins in me cabin I is under thee himpreshun that there aint no Missin link).

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

I COMAN YA TA FETCH MY PRIZE !
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

fank ye ye welkum pleez
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[black bart]

Arrgh I'd loik to nominate Nef Yoo for the award o 'Best Plank Walker'.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

WOT I WIN WOT I WIN WOT I WIN !
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Calico Jack]

My soiled newspapers.


ACK

[black bart]

My soiled newspapers.


ACK

get orf thee stage ye filthy chikken!

[pieces o'nine]

YARRRGH!

OI has jest been hinformed that Ravi Oli has been tapped t'be thee EmSea fer thee anneyule Jim Lad Awards!
Starrrght submittin yer cat a'gories, yer nommynashuns, an yer cheape jokes an hinsults at thee EmSea's hexpense.

Ye should also starrrght plannin yer on-som-bull as thee eyes an tellavishun cameras ov Portsmouth -- an thee known worlde -- will be hupon us at thee gala.

[black bart]

Arrgh thank ye PON...I am reminded of that great Piratical git 'Thee Black Spot's horiginal words on thee subject:

Welcome one and all to this, the 157th Jim Lad Award Ceremony. Here, in the sumptuous surroundings of the Portsmouth Municipal Hall, the cream of Portsmouth's piratical society has gathered for a glittering night.

As I look around me, I am amazed by the wealth of piratical talent that is gathered here under one roof this evening. Over there, that wizened old chap gumming a fishhead - that must be Black Bart! And there - that shiny head could only belong to Walktheplank! Oh look - over there is a huge hairy man in a charming little pink number!

There are many categories for us to get through this evening, and plenty of acceptance speeches. And so, as Mayor Keith Liversausage takes to the stage to present the awards, we start this years JimLad awards!

Welll thee Black Spot may ave disapeered oer thee glistenin horizon (altho rumour has it he can still be found in thee most villainous hell hole o Portsmouth 'Ye Redde Cowwe'), but little else ave changed.

Thee categories be:

1. Best actor/actress in a salty tale
2. Most Long Winded Posting
3. Best Pirate insult
4. Most comely wench
5. Heaviest Pirate Accent
6. Most grog drunk in single evening

Before we decide on thee nominees mateys...cast yer un-patched eyes on thee glistening golden Jim Lad Award:



Good luck heveryone...mine's a barrel o bribes...er, rum.

[Ravi Oli]

YARRRGH!

OI has jest been hinformed that Ravi Oli has been tapped t'be thee EmSea fer thee anneyule Jim Lad Awards!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! I be touched... Oi'd loik ta except this Award... 'ang on a mo... tharrrt means I be handin' 'ems out instead a receding 'em?
Bugger! Arrrrr well I best be practisin me Piratical Incorrectness and Insultin'...

[Ravi Oli]

Sum Movin' Pitchas starrin' yer Matey's wot cud be in wiv a chance ov a Jim Lad:

Nef Yoo's Speech

Nef Yoo wants to enrol in kindergarten... problem is he first needs to be potty trained and be able to speak enough words to communicate verbally [not just by clunking heads with his toy cutlass] with teachers and other kiddies. Roy Hunter, himself trying to master his own speech impediment - a Scottish accent, takes on the seemingly impossible task... will Nef Yoo make his debut or wait another year until he turns 30??

Black Swansong

Black Bart has always wanted to dance... but they called him a sissy so he held it in and darkly turned to death metal, the moshpits and rave parties. Now his chance has come to dance as he had always dreamed... can he find his pure white innocent heart or is it going to be his swansong?

Blue Grits

Qwertyuiopasd appears wise beyond his years... but that doesn't help when his skateboard gets stolen and he has to hire grumpy old fart Uther Cogburn in seeking justice.

[pieces o'nine]

Yarrrrrgh! Oi finks a film festival in con junk shun wiv the Award Ceremony be a hinnerestin way t'hincrease arrrgh plunder -- er -- ticket sales, loike.

Yer woodint want thee non-piratical locals clutterin hup thee hack shewel awarrrghds venyoo, but a hajaycent site wiv a projector an sum over-pryced "Pirate Moovie Snax" be jest thee ticket -- har har har.

Oi hex specks that Bart Industries be arrrgh best no-bid contract bet fer the conseshuns, but maybe this wood lure Chow Mein back t'whip up sum ov 'is beste resippies...?

[Ravi Oli]

Yaarrrrrr Oi moight be wotchin this-ee one tonite if me pirate matey's be in a sharin' mood...

Winter's Phone

Pieces o'nine lives out in the Boonies caring for her family. After a long winter she is craving for pizza but there is no cellphone reception. Will she find signal in time to order or will it be Pit Bison leftovers... again?

[Ravi Oli]

Yaaarrrrrr moight 'ave ta review th' award catygorrries Cap'n bart. Th' scurvy cruw be conspikuloss by their absence in comin' f'ward with nomanations fer matey's.
Per'aps tharr be too many 'one-liners' and 'killer comebacks' or hova-hacktin' ta chuz from??

All our wenches be comely... per'aps a mud wrestle-off between 'em ta chuz a winna?

[Ravi Oli]

Lookin' loike floggin' a ded'orse innit? 'Ere be comely wench entries Oi hunonomusly r'ceived to wet yer lust...



They bein' as Oim told... L->R Twisted Sister, Pieces o'nine, farfalla and Uther

[black bart]

Arrrgh I loiks thee way ye've left yer toes stickin out so's thee fishes can still ave a nibble loik.

I moight be avin some competishun this year fer best dressed pirate...but I be still ahead in thee over actin stakes.

Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo...me eye patch ave slipped over both eyes again!