Priests

The place for general discussion about the Flying Spaghetti Monster and most things related to Him.

Moderator: All Things Mods

Priests

Postby StJason on Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:56 am

While most Pastafarian gatherings do resemble a drunken orgy more then organized worship, when He Of A Thousand Noodles revealed the Holy Word to Prophet Bobby, He did give forth for those who would be more nominally in charge, be the focus of rituals, and have eight shares of the plunder.

To be a proper Priest of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, (or Cap'n, to use the technical parlance) one must have commanded a group of pirates on a ship. While this seems obvious, those who lead the faithful are obviously the ones in command, it has to be said, that merely leading a group is not enough. Even if the group is a group of pirates, ordination does not happen to those who lead from the front of a bus, for example. (Though rumor has it that the sacred Council of the Olive Garden will discuss this some day.)

As mentioned before, most Pastafarian gatherings usually don't have any structure to them. Anybody can stand up and shout out a ship that needs to be plundered or a port that needs blockading. Usually, gatherings happen in places that serve pasta. Or beer. Or have strippers. The best places have all three. However, there are a few situations where someone of authority is needed. Usually this is something major, like declaring war on Tortuga or picking someone to head out on the beer run. So these are the [s]code[/s] guidelines regarding the Cap'n.

1. The Cap'n is the one in charge in case of emergencies. Should Ninjas attack, or Global Warming breakout, or should the supply of pasta or beer or singles for the strippers run low, the Cap'n shall delegate tasks to see you through these times. In the middle of a firefight or in the presence of a stripper with a largely empty g-string is not the time to bring it up for a vote!

2. That said, when it isn't a pressing concern, the Cap'n isn't special. And under no situation, even if he promises to heal you through your television, should you give the scoundrel money. Ever.

3. The Cap'n can reserve the right to name things. New ships, an allegiance between ships, a new town, man and wife, and so on. When it comes to a new name, the Cap'n can make it official. Remember, while the Cap'n can make names official, he doesn't get to rename willy-nilly, nor to change names that don't want changing. Nor to be a jerk about it. He should take everyone's opinions into consideration. But naming someone's cat Buttface or their ship "The Poop Scow" is rude.

3a. New ships should be named by the Cap'n in charge. This is usually done by a ritual of smashing a bottle of His Holy Beer over the bow. If he wants, the Cap'n can make a speech and announce the name before if he wants, but keep it short, okay? Nobody likes a blowhard.

3a1. Here is a hint: Use the cheap stuff that you won't drink anyway. Save yourself some money, and it's no real loss to bash a bottle of Pabst over your bow. He is a practical Monster after all.

4. Should a few bands or ships of pirates join together for a common cause, it is the right and honor of the most senior Cap'n to name it. But remember The Noodliest looks in favor upon people who use a bit of class and cleverness with their naming. You can bet your meatballs that He didn't have a noodle in the naming of the "Repeal The Job-killing Health Care Law".

5. Likewise, when pirates join together and want official recognition, the Cap'n can name them Man and Wife. Or Man and Man. Or Wife and Wife. Or whatever he really wants, but naming them Dumb and Ugly will probably be even less popular then naming their ship the Poop Scow. I mean, honestly, how are you getting pirates to follow you with naming skills like this? This again can be as involved as they would like,

5a. The primary duty of joining two (also known as splicing, after rope, or marriage, after chain) really doesn't need to be that complex or involved. Though it can if the couple want. The primary function of the Cap'n is to determine that the aspiring couple meet the "8 I Rather You Didn't's", specifically the 4th and 8th. If all members want this, aren't being forced into it, are of the correct ages and mental and emotional maturity. If, in the estimation of the Cap'n everyone is, then all that remains is the ceremony. There are lots of ceremonies out there, and it's perfectly fine to choose one or favorite bits from many or even to make stuff up. The important bit is the Cap'n at one point should ask "Do Ye?" to everyone, being their last chance to back out before being renamed. If everyone agrees, he declares their new name, and everyone should go out for pasta and beer.

5a1. Here is a hint. DON'T use the cheap stuff here.

6. Finally, in times of crisis, the Cap'n generally has authority to tell people what to do, especially if it makes sense. Hey, things need doing, and people need to get things done, so having just one person keep on top of things so everyone else can focus on their jobs only makes sense. Might as well be the Cap'n, right?


---
...I believe that's it. Unless I forgot something. Anybody else have some ideas on the powers and duties of the Cap'n?
---
Darwin's Purge, verse 39.


You know the thing that I hate about these .sigblocks? Never have a good idea what to put in them.
User avatar
StJason
Gnocchetti Galley Slave
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:04 am
Location: Sacramento, California, United States, North America, Earth, Sol, Milky Way

Re: Priests

Postby Arkaeon on Sat Jan 29, 2011 2:18 pm

I think the Cap'n should also know the difference between a reefer-rolled sail and just rolling reefer, as well as the difference between the mizzen and the midship. Simple qualifications like that would help sort out those who don't really mean to make things work.
In case you didn't realize it, I DO have a sense of humor. How about you?
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer... I will face my fear. I will let it pass over and through me, and when it has gone, only I will remain." --The Bene Gesserit
"Time is a spiral. Space is a curve. I know you get dizzy, but try not to lose your nerve." -- Neil Peart
"I'm not in the ship. I am the ship." -- River Tam
"The truth is simple. It's the lies that get complicated." -- me
"No matter where you go, there you are." --Buckaroo Banzai
User avatar
Arkaeon
Gramigna Grand Admiral
 
Posts: 967
Joined: Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:11 am
Location: Oblivion, pop. 2


Return to All Things FSM

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

cron