PlayBilge Magazine and Centrefolds

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby DaveL on Sun Dec 11, 2005 5:45 pm

RELIGIOUS AFFAIRS

AN INTERVIEW WITH HIS RIGHT HOLINESS THE DALAI LLAMA (Qwertyuiopasd)

Roight then lads, PlayBilge would like to publish the transcripts of an interview with his roight Right Holiness The Dalai LLama, leader of a new religious movement the Llamaists.

PB: Good Day yer wership.

DL: Good day to you too.

PB: So tell us a little bit about your movement?

DL: Well, we llamaists believe llamas are the ultimate life form. one thing I'd like to clear up before I go further is that we are still pastafarians. we do not mean to separate from the great religion, or alter it (much). we will be having alot of llama-thinking, and other types that once we edit and make everything good, will be released to the pastafarians for their philosophical reading pleasure. Now then, I can't really tell you more, other than the fact that I, the Dalai LLama, Commander Spitsalot, and Chief Inquisitor Waldpacastein (Don't worry, its just for finding out leaks of the secrets) are the highest members, and we are the only ones who shall ever go public about it. SO DON'T TRY TO FIND ANYONE OUT.

PB: What are your views on lootin, pillagin and murderin other pirates?

DL: Well, stealing (which I think encompasses looting and pillaging) is alright, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. Ownership is void in our eyes, but stealing something someone needs (i.e. food or life support system) is just being a jerk, and is thus spit-upon.

PB: Does the Llama sect loike drinkin' rum?

DL: We're not against it, but I don't think many of us use rum. We do use other alcoholic drinks in some rituals.

PB: Have yer ever had a spin in the ARGHH 9000? Do Llamaists like speedy ships?

DL: Well I suppose that's really a personal thing. I enjoy going out on a good fast boat on a lake myself.

PB: We pirates loike to spit alot. Are there any tips yer can give us that will impress the ladies?

DL: Well there are two types of spitting. You have your typical spit, or your saliva spit, and then your mucus spit. A typical spit takes a bit longer to make, but can be made almost anytime. drinking before proceeding helps. Mostly you just have to move your tongue around in your mouth and make sure not to swallow, try pushing all the saliva to the front of your mouth. Then, when ready, get it at the tip of your tongue, right near your teeth, then just let 'er rip!

A disadvantage to these is that they take a really long time to make really big. Now your mucus spit is a much more powerful one, good for spitting on someone’s shoes. of course, it can only be done with either a stuck up nose, or just one with a good amount of mucus. Breathe in/snort up, to get all the mucus in the back of your mouth. Again, try not to swallow, and get it to the front of your mouth, then fire. This one is easier because you only need to get the mucus once or twice, rather than a long constant generation. But then it can only be done at certain times.

Image

YARRRR…Keep a raincoat handy!!

PB: You have been quoted as sayin' your mission is to defeat the Anti Llamaists. Who are these mongrels and when can us pirates cut 'em into little pieces?

DL: These people can be found at http://my.execpc.com/~hench/all/, or by googling "anti llama". We're planning an email onslaught. We'll let you help. Just practice those official emails.

PB: Oy've heard that despite your rumoured prudish ways, you Llamaists fully dig readin' PlayBilge. Is it true? Would you like to see a few Llama centrefolds in future?

DL: It is a personal decision, so I can't speak for all, but I know most of our Llamaists do enjoy PlayBilge, and a Llama centrefold would be lovely.

PB So there you have it lads. Pastafarianism has new, saliva lovin’ friends the Llamaists. As the say back home 'Who's your Llama Mama'? Oim off ter practice me spittin’ to impress the wenches. Yarrrrrrr…’

Image
His Roight Holiness The Dalai Llama sendin’ forth a blessing to ‘is subjects
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Postby Alpaca on Sun Dec 11, 2005 6:12 pm

A proud member of the Legion meself, and an equally proud contributARR to Playbilge, I kin say with confidence that this interview warms the cockles of me heart. (Or, if ye be Dennis Leary, the sub-cockle area.)
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Postby Alpaca on Sun Dec 11, 2005 6:16 pm

Apologies for ye olde double post, but I feel the need to diffARRentiate between me commentary and me contributions to yon magazine.

This Month's Fun'n'games!
Be ye tired o' makin' holes in merchant ships with yer cannon and pillagin' coastal towns? Are ye lookin' fer a bit of interlectual entertainment? Then try ter find the word "pirate" at least once in the followin' puzzle. Be warned: 'Tis very difficult! ARR!

E A I A E T A R I P
P P P P P T P E E P
R I I E I I A A I E
E R R T R R R R T A
P A A A A P A A I E
I T T R T T E T T P
T E E I E E T I E E
P T R P I R A T E P
I A R E I A R I A I
P R E T A R I P I E
T E T A R I P E T P
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Sun Dec 11, 2005 6:30 pm

is this word search supposed to be hard?

check this one out (made it me self)

http://www.crosswordpuzzlegames.com/cgi ... mes/create
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple' :moon:


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Postby Alpaca on Sun Dec 11, 2005 6:54 pm

Qwertyuiopasd wrote:is this word search supposed to be hard?


Not fer an interllectual Llama like yerself, but for ye average pirate who has better things to do than studying books all day in a llamasery (or being literate), like burning and pillaging, aye.

Qwertyuiopasd wrote:check this one out (made it me self)

http://www.crosswordpuzzlegames.com/cgi ... mes/create


It doesn't work that way, lad. Yer link be to a dynamic script, which needs input every time it's supposed ter execute. Ye needs to make it up on yer own! (Or... copy and paste.)
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:06 pm

noooooooooooo!

well that sucks....

now, on with the argin' AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!!!!!!!g
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple' :moon:


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Postby The Black Spot on Sun Dec 11, 2005 10:13 pm

Video Game Review:

Tomb Wanker (published by E.I.Addio, Price 1 dubloon)

Well, what hast we here? Reading the back o' the box tells me that the object o' the game ist to desecrate historic sites, blow things up, and steal all the treasure. Pretty everyday stuff really. So what else could be in the game t' attract a pirate's attention? Let's be having a look...

During the game, ye be controlling Larrra Toss, a feisty young thing. Grog, scurvy an several doses o' the clap hast
given her a bit o' character, but ye spends most o' the game staring at 'er backside.

Image

There be an intro which tells the tale o' a sacred eggwhisk that Larrra must steal, but I didn't follow most o' it, fer me view were obscured by Larrra's mighty arse. We then be whisked away to a variety o' exotic locations...

Image

Image

During combat, Larrra be using a couple o' flintlocks. Aiming can be a bit tricky, as I's couldn't be seeing past the quiverin buttocks in the middle o' me screen. As the game progressed, I lost interest in the quest, and instead found meself concentrating on ways t' get Larrra's arse jigglin up an down.

The controls be simple to use, which be useful, as I hears most people tend t' play this game one-handed anyway.


Rating: 3 boxes o' Kleenex out o' 5
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Postby Alpaca on Sun Dec 11, 2005 10:25 pm

Arrr. Ye be bold to post sumthin' as... subtle as that. ;)

Still, 'twas moightily amusin'.
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Postby Swashbuckler Saucy on Sun Dec 11, 2005 11:26 pm

Tha' was great, Black Spot, ye truly are a god among landlubbers.
Mmmm, pasta.
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Beauty

Postby black bart on Mon Dec 12, 2005 11:30 am

The Black Spot wrote:

Grog, scurvy an several doses o' the clap hast
given her a bit o' character


YAAAARRRR, she be the ideal lass for a pirate loik meself!!

Ye have ta tell me owe ye gets the pictures to appear in yer posts.
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Postby The Black Spot on Mon Dec 12, 2005 12:24 pm

Why thankee Alpaca an Saucy fer yer kind comments.

black bart wrote:Ye have ta tell me owe ye gets the pictures to appear in yer posts.


Arrr...

you be down the tavern tomorrer? Oi'll explain it then.
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Postby Duke on Mon Dec 12, 2005 7:51 pm

DaveL wrote:YArrrr...

That be a very foine effort from our PB contributors there. Oi've had a few more o'ideas about potential articles fer PlayBilge.

1. A review of a pirate gamers pad for people with hooks.

2. Pirate Cooking Tips or recipes eg Fish Head Stew or something else gross

3. A Movie Review - do any movie from a pirate perspective

4. Post funny pirate photos with captions

5. Maritime tips eg navigation, riggin tips, crew management

6. Queer Eye for The Pirate Guys

7. Home renovation - Pirate Style

8. Prosthetic Limbs - funny stories

Refer to my previous list if yer need some more ideas. And PM me if yer would loike an assignment.

Coming up is an interview of great importance to all Pastafarians, so keep readin'.

Yarrrrrr...

Ed

PS Would anyone loike ter come up with a PlayBilge Slogan? Oi was thinkin' Read PlayBilge - Coz it's good for yer stump.'


Arr, methinks I could do some of dem assignments! Got anything particular?


Duke
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He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

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Postby DaveL on Tue Dec 13, 2005 1:57 am

Anything you like Duke. PM me when you want to discuss a topic.
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Pistol

Postby black bart on Tue Dec 13, 2005 8:14 am

The Black Spot wrote:

you be down the tavern tomorrer? Oi'll explain it then.


YYYAAARRR! I'll be there...

have me usual grog ready and bring Lara Croft along I wants to show her me new pistol! :lol:
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Postby The Black Spot on Tue Dec 13, 2005 9:38 am

DaveL wrote:PS Would anyone loike ter come up with a PlayBilge Slogan? Oi was thinkin' Read PlayBilge - Coz it's good for yer stump.'



"Playbilge makes yer hook curl"

Arrr...
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