Ongoing Pun Competition

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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby DavidH on Sun May 30, 2010 4:56 am

"Punts are not for kissing in." Dr Spooner
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby daftbeaker on Sun May 30, 2010 5:47 am

DavidH wrote:"Punts are not for kissing in." Dr Spooner

Never heard that one before :haha:
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby black bart on Fri Jun 04, 2010 9:49 am

It's just like Henley on Thames during the Regatta...full of punts!
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby PKMKII on Tue Nov 09, 2010 1:25 pm

What do you call it when God gives you a little bit of cream cheese?

A Schmearacle!
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby PKMKII on Sat Dec 11, 2010 12:56 am

For S'presso:

Four engineers are sitting around talking about who might have designed the human body. "It must have been a mechanical engineer," says the mechanical engineer. "The human body has all sort of levers and pivots and stuff. Only a mechanical engineer would have designed all of that." The electrical student replies, "No, it must have been an electrical engineer. Think about the complex way that the nervous system is wired up to the brain." The chemical engineer replies, "It must have been a chemical engineer, look at all those biochemical processes going on all the time all over the body." The civil engineer replies, "You've all got it wrong. The human body was definitely designed by a civil engineer. I can't tell you how many times I've run a waste line through a recreational area."
"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Edd on Sun Dec 12, 2010 3:44 am

PKMKII wrote:For S'presso:

Four engineers are sitting around talking about who might have designed the human body. "It must have been a mechanical engineer," says the mechanical engineer. "The human body has all sort of levers and pivots and stuff. Only a mechanical engineer would have designed all of that." The electrical student replies, "No, it must have been an electrical engineer. Think about the complex way that the nervous system is wired up to the brain." The chemical engineer replies, "It must have been a chemical engineer, look at all those biochemical processes going on all the time all over the body." The civil engineer replies, "You've all got it wrong. The human body was definitely designed by a civil engineer. I can't tell you how many times I've run a waste line through a recreational area."


Wrong thread, PK. (unless you know someone with a 'recreational area' encompassing their waist line?)
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial on Fri Jan 07, 2011 3:46 pm

As Jeffrey Hicks, the event safety coordinator for the Renaissance Festival finished posting the revised standards for weaponry, he thought of the day an unleashed dog wandered onto the jousting field, causing the rider from Indianapolis to stop short, impaling himself on the butt of his spear, and the following day’s newspaper headline which read: “Stray Injures Indy Knight, Hicks Changing Lances.”
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
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OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby PKMKII on Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:46 pm

Image
"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby TwistedSister on Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:52 pm

^ I get it!!! They are all fowl!!!!!!!! :haha:
* If evolution is just a theory, religion is just an opinion.
* You never know when I'll be watching.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Edd on Tue Jan 11, 2011 11:41 pm

TwistedSister wrote:^ I get it!!! They are all fowl!!!!!!!! :haha:


They're also birds of 'pray.'
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Roy Hunter on Wed Feb 02, 2011 11:39 am

A man walks into a bookshop and says "Do you have that new self-help book for men with small penises?"
The girl behind the counter says "I'm sorry, sir, I don't think it's in yet."
"Yes," says the man, "that's what it was called!"
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby black bart on Thu Feb 03, 2011 8:04 am

The same man walks into a butchers shop and inquires of the butcher:

Are you a gambling man?

The butcher says "Yes", so the man said: "I bet you £50 that you cant reach up and touch that meat hanging on the hooks up there"

The butcher says "Im not betting on that",

"but I thought you were a gambling man" the man retorts.

"Yes I am" says the butcher "but the steaks are too high".
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby DavidH on Thu Feb 03, 2011 8:56 am

Did you hear the one about the man whose whole left side was cut off in a bandsaw accident? He's all right now.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby black bart on Thu Feb 03, 2011 9:10 am

:facepalm:

Even my Egyptian jokes were better than that...(no they weren't)

Lucky HE wasn't a SHE who walked backwards into the bandsaw... dis arse ter
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Roy Hunter on Thu Feb 03, 2011 9:17 am

If I decide to kill myself in order to avoid your dreadful jokes, I shall do it by drinking French Polish.

It's a horrible death... but a lovely finish.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.
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