Pulled From the Yahoo "news" Headline-Teasers.

[ken worley]

I'm always sein' stuff there that makes me smile, either on it's own, or for the first response to it that pops into my head whe I see it.

I finally made thread.

Here is Numero UNO...


25 masked gunmen kidnap two aid workers in central Somalia


*ahem*

...pussies.

[black bart]

Tons of released drugs taint U.S. water

That explains a lot Ken.

[farfalla]

"Southern California Man Booked in Horse Decapitation"

( Dandhd?...Dan?... where are you?...... have you pissed off the godfather?)

[ken worley]

Forest Service closes thousands of caves to stop bat fungus.

The ASPCA, PETA, and several women's-rights organizations protested the move, a NOW spokeswoman saying a bat's cave is "her prerogative, and not in the purvey of any government agency, no matter how fungal they get."

[ken worley]

London mayor sees 'fat' wax figure, vows to exercise

Don't strain yourself.
Try a heat lamp.

[ken worley]

"Greek puppet master Evgenios Spatharis dies at age 85"

A small riot subsequently erupted at the funeral home, where 4 different people rose in unison, each bearing a written request from the deceased to read the eulogy.

The decedent's will is also a source of contention, and currently being fought by his survivors. Spatharis' ex-wife and step-children contend that (his) codicil that would require them to "...don chicken costumes and then copulate on Mexican national television.", is unlawful, and also indicitave of an unsound mind contemporaneous with the will's final revision.

[daftbeaker]

And the prize for 'Most Over-Hyped Headline of the Week' goes to the Daily Mail for 'Schoolboy survives direct hit by meteorite travelling at 30,000mph'

The 14 year old German was 'grazed' by a meteorite, leaving him with a small burn scar on his hand. Article

Edit- Just found Cambridge students celebrate end of exams with binge-drinking festival and all-women jelly-wrestling

[black bart]

And the prize for 'Most Over-Hyped Headline of the Week' goes to the Daily Mail for 'Schoolboy survives direct hit by meteorite travelling at 30,000mph'

The 14 year old German was 'grazed' by a meteorite, leaving him with a small burn scar on his hand. Article

Edit- Just found Cambridge students celebrate end of exams with binge-drinking festival and all-women jelly-wrestling

That kid would have been alright if he didn't have such ridiculously long arms from too much jelly wrestling.

[ken worley]

New toyota is unveiled, to headline:

"Although few have ever seen it, the highly anticipated new model...


It is therefore, You are following the instructions to view the model as already-in-demand, based on imaginary group consensus....

BUT.....

You are one of the elite leaders/trendsetters of said group, being among the first to lay eyes on the thing.(ugly as a mud fence, IMOO)

[ken worley]

Police: Intruder Arrested at Paris Hilton's Home (AP)

AP - A man has been arrested at Paris Hilton's Los Angeles home after the socialite said he tried to break into her house while holding two big knives.

If he'd have just freed up the fingers of one of his hands to work the deadbolt and doorknob, he may've made it inside to touch her in her bikini area before police dragged him away...shmuck.

[black bart]

Police: Intruder Arrested at Paris Hilton's Home (AP)

AP - A man has been arrested at Paris Hilton's Los Angeles home after the socialite said he tried to break into her house while holding two big knives.

If he'd have just freed up the fingers of one of his hands to work the deadbolt and doorknob, he may've made it inside to touch her in her bikini area before police dragged him away...shmuck.

Perhaps he was the local itinerant knife sharpener simply trying to return Paris's kitchen ware...things aren't always what they seem.

[ken worley]

Police: Intruder Arrested at Paris Hilton's Home (AP)

AP - A man has been arrested at Paris Hilton's Los Angeles home after the socialite said he tried to break into her house while holding two big knives.

If he'd have just freed up the fingers of one of his hands to work the deadbolt and doorknob, he may've made it inside to touch her in her bikini area before police dragged him away...shmuck.

Perhaps he was the local itinerant knife sharpener simply trying to return Paris's kitchen ware...things aren't always what they seem.

True, though all things being equal, and with any evidence to follow, he's still a shmuck, and I still want to touch paris' loin-area....w/o use of even one large knife.

-My eyes are up here.
-"Knife" , as used above, is NOT a euphemism.
-Shut up. Ms. Hilton is a sweetheart, with a tasty-lookin' loin-area.

[black bart]

Is Paris Hilton a bit like the film 'Paris Texas' ie does she get followed around with Ry Cooder music wherever she goes?

But back to the Yahoo headlines I was delighted to see this one:

BT Ad Banned Over Broadband Speed Claims

These terrible adverts have been tormenting British viewers for far too long.

[ken worley]

Is Paris Hilton a bit like the film 'Paris Texas' ie does she get followed around with Ry Cooder music wherever she goes?

hey.
I got another 8-track tape for my trucks radio weeks ago. (oak ridge boys-7Nation army and other wheat-hating sing-along-campsongs)

This by freeing up extra time to scrap/earn, by ceasing the attempt to retract/re-coil my dangling tongue-tip.
(or even caring how it wags.)

These terrible adverts have been tormenting British viewers for far too long.

I agree.

When will these lowlife desperate beggars stop filling the head's of earth's denizens with this sort of perverse tripe/mind-pollution?