The Gospel According to Everybody

[Platypus Enthusiast]

Instead of relying on one person to receive a buttload of divine inspiration and write a whole holy text by him/herself, I think we could rely on the little bit of divine inspiration each Pastafarian receives when touched by His noodly appendage. So let's all write a gospel, one verse at a time. I'll start...


Chapter 1 Introduction

1 It was a dark and stormy night.

[PantyGnawer]

2 The sweet smell of garlic wafted through the crisp air.

[Tigger_the_Wing]

3. The parmesan was sitting on the cheese board awaiting the holey grater.

[DaveL]

4. And the scent of basil leaves wafted through the Midget kitchen

[Ubi Dubium]

5. As the Flying Spaghetti Monster (pesto be upon him) hovered over all, reaching out His Noodly Appendage

[Platypus Enthusiast]

6 And He caressed the blessed ingredients with His noodly appendage, anticipating the delicious results of their mixing.

[Buccaneer Banzai]

7. And he beheld the dinner that was prepared from the holy ingredients, and it was good. RAmen.

[Pirate Johnson]

8. This was to be the first covenant betwean Pirate and Lord, Speaking out of the Heaven's spoke a gruff and powerful voice saying to its loyal deciples, "Ye have presented me with this bountyful meal and thus earned you're place in the endless seas among ye breathern"

9. And the sailers did so fer many yeargh.


2: Loo's gulibility

1. It was a many great years later that one of such these sailers found himself in a forest filled with many vines resembling His Noodleyness that had spoke to him in his youthful day.

2. As he continued his journey through this vegetated land he witnessed many creatures he had not yet been told of, covered in hair as of a man who were unshaven for much time.

3. Loo soon began to fear that he was not to make his journey into the land of Swiss, where he was to complete a mission to educate the cheesesmiths that dweled within.

4. Behold stretched a long and hairless creature before Loo. It moved much as did his Lord and presented no hostility toward the venturing deciple.

5. It spoke with a ssslure saying, "Go into Ssswiss and ssstrike dowwn ttthe ones who will not believe asss you do. I am ttthe messssssenger of Spaghediety, do asss he wissshesss!"6. Loo feared this slithernig beast with great trembaling. Not wanting to anger his master, Loo weilded a cutlass as he entered the city of Swiss, reluctant to do as he had been comanded.

7. It was at this time that Loo felt a great sleep come over him, the true Lord apeared in a dream.

[Platypus Enthusiast]

This is a checkpoint for the compilation purposes of the Second Council of Olive Garden. Please ignore and go about your business.

[tehrabbit]

8. And His Flying Monsterness said, "Let there be midgets." Then there were midgets. And He giggled a little.

[Cardinal Fang]

9. Then He had a beer, and another, and in His inebriation, he saw that all was good.

CF

[Pirate Johnson]

[Kiri-Ame]

I'm new here, but I wanna try writing some gospel... here goes... oh, and if it's crappy, ignore me.

And the midgets roamed free and happy in all the lands, and they ate of the holy pasta, and drank of the holy beer, and it came to pass that they were drunk and fat. And heart and liver disease did afflict them, as well as chlamydia but we won't go into that. And they cried out that the FSM had forsaken them, and beat their chicken breasts and made offerings of pesto to appease the FSM.
And it came to pass that the FSM came back from his night on the town, and he saw that the midgets were afflicted. But His Noodliness was hungover, and the high-pitched cries of the midgets irritated him somewhat. Thus, he touched the loudest, fattest and drunkest midgets with his noodly appendage, and called to them in a rather saucy tone:
"Rise up and be real men! No longer wander upon the land! No longer be fat - get some exercise! However, drunkenness is fine, the more the merrier."
And so the midgets' fat was converted into height, and their voices became rough and pleasing to the FSM. And he gave them cutlasses so that they might better cut up ingredients for pasta, and ships so that they might get a whiff of a decent sea breeze because he was sure he'd heard somewhere that this did wonders for the constitution.
But the FSM's work was flawed, and some of his ex-midgets lacked eyes, or legs - nay! some lacked both an eye and a leg!
But lo and behold, there was a good stock of peg legs and eye patches. So that wasn't a big problem.

And the FSM looked upon these ex-midgets, and they were lost - for now they were no longer midgets, nor plants, nor any other known living organism.
"Oh, FSM!" they cried. "What the hell have you done? We're even weirder than we were before!"
And the FSM cried, "Nay! I know what I'm doing! You are pirates! Yep, that was my intention all along. I didn't screw up this process at all." And then his Noodliness floated off, whistling rather guiltily.
And thus, there were pirates.
RAmen

[Platypus Enthusiast]

Hey Kiri, not bad. Definitely got potential, maybe stretch it out a bit?

[DaveL]

Yay midgets. We love 'em!