I am a Pirate!

[Qwertyuiopasd]

Who is applying to colleges, apparently.

So, here's my 300 word essay! (formatted from it's original size to fit your screen)

I am a pirate. I don’t commit crimes on the high seas, or pillage cities, or even spend much time on boats.
I identify as a pirate though, and express that identity every Friday at school dressed entirely as a pirate.
My piracy has stemmed from two main inspirations, but has come to symbolize many facets of my life.

In 8th grade, I was introduced and quite taken by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a satirist movement based on the opposition of teaching Intelligent Design in public schools.
There is a sort of mock religion involved, which includes the tenets that pirates are the FSM’s most favored creation (as evidenced by global temperatures rising as pirates populations have thinned), and Fridays being the holiest day of the week.
Naturally, I dress in full pirate regalia to express my allegiance to the ideals of religious freedom and plurality.

I also sympathize with the Pirate Party, an international political party originating in Sweden that is dissatisfied with the current patent and copyright system, and advocates for personal privacy, especially in terms of the internet and technology.

As my friends and I began to dress as pirate, we also became interested in the steampunk fad, which advocates doing the impossible for the sake of doing the impossible (while dressing in Victorian science fiction style).
I do not, however, support or condone the actions of modern pirates, such as the ones from Somalia.

My take on piracy is that of a free, audacious lifestyle adhering to ideals I stated above.
I will always fight dirty of something I believe in.
I will always wear a giant black tri-corner hat and ask why you aren’t.
I will always do what I want ‘cause a pirate is free.
I couldn’t exist any other way.



Any constructive criticism is of course entirely welcome, but I'm mostly posting it here just to share. What do you think? Do you agree with the lifestyle outlined? Or does it vary slightly from strict Pastafarian piracy?

[Roy Hunter]

First thing: I love the underlying philosophy. You rock. Good essay.
There are a couple of things I would take issue with, though. Mixing tenses, using contractions (can't, didn't, etc.), and other really anal grammar stuff that only Zankou or I would correct you on. I haven't changed the meaning (I hope), and I brought it in at 295 words.

I am a pirate. I do not commit crimes on the high seas, or pillage cities, or even spend much time on boats. However, I identify myself as a pirate, and I express that identity every Friday at school by dressing entirely as a pirate. My piracy stems from two main sources, but has come to symbolize many facets of my life.

In eighth grade I was introduced to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), a movement opposed to the teaching Intelligent Design in public schools. This satirical religion includes the tenets that pirates are the FSM’s most favored creation (as evidenced by global temperatures increasing as pirate populations have declined); and that Friday is the holiest day of the week. I dress in full pirate regalia to express my allegiance to the ideals of religious freedom and plurality.

I also sympathize with the Pirate Party, an international political party originating in Sweden that is dissatisfied with the current patent and copyright systems; and advocates for personal privacy, especially as regards the internet and communication technologies.

As my friends and I began to dress as pirates, we also became interested in the steampunk fad, which advocates doing the impossible for the sake of doing the impossible (whilst dressing in Victorian science-fiction style). I do not, however, support or condone the actions of modern pirates, such as the ones from Somalia.

My perspective on piracy is that it is a free, audacious lifestyle adhering to ideals I stated above.
I will always fight dirty for something I believe in.
I will always wear a giant black tricorn hat, and I will ask why you are not.
I will always do what I want because a pirate is free.
I cannot exist any other way.

[Ubi Dubius]

"modern so-called pirates, such as the ones from Somalia, who use rifles instead of cutlasses and refuse to speak in Cornwall accents."

I think it would be useful to separate these pretenders from true pirates. Otherwise, it just seems like a "no true pirate" arguement.

[Qwertyuiopasd]

you missed a "was" before introduced. :P And I think it should be "in regards" not "as regards", shouldn't it? Maybe that's one of those pond things.

Couldn't add all of your wonderful sentence, Ubi, but I believe I have made the distinction stronger.

I am a pirate. I do not commit crimes on the high seas, or pillage cities, or even spend much time on boats. However, I identify myself as a pirate, and I express that identity every Friday at school by dressing entirely as a pirate. My piracy stems from two main sources, but has come to symbolize many facets of my life.

In eighth grade I was introduced to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), a movement opposed to the teaching Intelligent Design in public schools. The satirical religion includes the tenets that pirates are the FSM’s most favored creation (as evidenced by global temperatures increasing as pirate populations have declined); and that Friday is the holiest day of the week. I dress in full pirate regalia to express my allegiance to the ideals of religious freedom and plurality.

As my friends and I began to dress as pirates, we also became interested in the steampunk fad, which supports doing impossible things for the sake of doing the impossible (whilst dressing in Victorian science-fiction style).

I also sympathize with the Pirate Party, an international political party originating in Sweden that is dissatisfied with the current patent and copyright systems; and advocates for personal privacy, especially in regards the internet and communication technologies.

I do not, however, support or condone the actions of modern so-called pirates, such as the ones from Somalia. My perspective on piracy is that it is a free, audacious lifestyle adhering to the ideals I stated above.

I will always fight dirty for something I believe in.
I will always wear a giant black tricorn hat, and ask why you are not.
I will always do what I want because a pirate is free.
I cannot exist any other way.

EDIT: Switched the steampunk and Pirate Party paragraphs, how it *clearly* should've been ordered all along.

[Roy Hunter]

I'm just trying to help you get into college, Qwerty. It's 11 o'clock on Friday night here, and the last of the Holiday booze is being finished off. Don't bite the Scotsman that feeds you. Proof-read everything!

"modern so-called pirates, such as the ones from Somalia, who use rifles instead of cutlasses and refuse to speak in Cornish accents."

Fixed that for ya, Ubi...

[Qwertyuiopasd]

I was. I was proof-reading your edit. :P

But I wasn't joking about the regards one, wasn't entirely sure.

Also, I would say just don't bite Scotsmen. Not generally advisable in any case, I should think.

[DavidH]

And I think it should be "in regards" not "as regards", shouldn't it?

Roy's right for the Queen's English, and I'd bet (a small sum) that "as" is more usual on your side.
Remember that your work will be assessed by boring old gits like me, so I'd go along with Roy's version if I were you.

[black bart]

Shouldn't it have more 'Yarrrghs' in it?

[TwistedSister]

^^^^ SPAM ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go away, you aren't welcome here.

[Roy Hunter]

Well done, TS! Now when Capellini hits the button that deletes 'uggsgogo' from the forum, you'll be saying that to Bart instead.

[TwistedSister]

[S'presso]

Just sayin' but isn't it against some kind of rule to post your essay on the internet? And/or won't the bots that screen for plagiarism pick up on it?

As far as these essays go, I have to write 3 in the span of 2 weeks. Should started earlier...

[Qwertyuiopasd]

I thought you were a college/university student already, S'presso. Are you grade 12?

I certainly never heard of those rules, but I'm not really afraid of plagiarism. It's a 300 word personal essay. Plus, a little investigation will reveal that it's legitimately me. It's not like this has or is going to show up anywhere else on the internet soon.

[S'presso]

Yarp. Grade 12 indeed.

Currently, I am still strapped for essays, but I did manage to write one about my newt, which happens to be completely irrelevant, and thus inadmissible as a potential essay. I already wrote one, but the premise is completely different for all 3 schools. Ridiculous I say!

[Qwertyuiopasd]

Yeah, I'm lucky I got to write just one essay for all my colleges.

I dunno if the usual deadlines are any different in Canada, but here I worry about people who haven't written their essays yet, or not done much of the applications at all.