Alfredo was a talented chef who fell in love with a stunning woman named fettuccine. Fettuccine, wanting to please the great FSM, became a pirate and left Alfredo for months.
Eventually, Alfredo recieved a message from the almighty FSM saying that Fettuccine had died at sea and was now with the other pirates in the VIP section of heaven.
Alfredo was devastated and boarded a ship to find the FSM and reclaim Fettuccine. After months of searching, Alfredo finally found the heaven. After taking the elevator, (Which was very nice by the way.) Alfredo found Futtuccine next to the beer volcano.
Before reaching her, a giant, lazy Kiwi bird sat in front of him. Thinking of a way past it, Alfredo cooked a bowl of pasta, which lured the bird away. At last, he was with his loved one.
The FSM, noticing this, said to him "To show you my infinite mercy, I will let you take your loved one, under one condition..."
"And what would that be?" Alfredo asked.
"While you are leaving, you must not turn around."
"Easy" replied Alfredo.
So Alfredo set off with Fettuccine. Before he reached the elevator, he thought to himself "I must see that stripper factory one more time!" So he turned around, and Fettuccine disappeared.
Nobody knows what happened to Alfredo, but he probably just drank himself stupid and killed himself.