Official Pastafarian Saints

[Platypus Enthusiast]

Various threads have been made over the years bringing up the topic of Pastafarian saints. So far the Church officials have not actually canonized any official saints. Since we lack any real authority figures, and since I have a congregation of 100 Pastafarians and am the head of the Loose Canon Project (not to sound cocky), I feel I am well within my bounds to canonize official saints. My criteria for canonization is as follows.

A saint:
1) Must not be a fictional character.
2) Must have done important work for the Church.
3) Must be/have been funny.

Using those criteria, I am canonizing two saints.

St John the Blasphemist
1) He was real.
2) He served as a link between the Pastafarian and Discordian communities.
3) Just look at anything he posted in the forum.

Feast Day: October 1st
Emblem: Head of lettuce on a platter
Patron Saint of dear friends who shall be greatly missed (Ubi Dubium's suggestion)


Saint Tristan the Martyr
1) Definitely real.
2) He lost points on a school paper on Pastafarianism as the teacher thought he was making it up. Ironically, the paper was on how he felt persecuted for his Pastafarian beliefs.
3) See #2

Feast Day: December 17th
Emblems: Ruler, Detention Slips
Patron Saint of kids who think for themselves

[DavidH]

Surely our Head Saint should be St Bobby.

[Ubi Dubium]

No, he's our Great Prophet (pesto be upon him). That's a unique title, so he doesn't need to be a Saint.

[DavidH]

No, he's our Great Prophet (pesto be upon him). That's a unique title, so he doesn't need to be a Saint.

OK, sorry. O Great prophet, I grovel for attempting to demote thee.

[Platypus Enthusiast]

No, he's our Great Prophet (pesto be upon him). That's a unique title, so he doesn't need to be a Saint.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was also thinkin about canonizing Cap, but I wasn't sure if Head Administrator trumps Saint

[Ubi Dubium]

I also suggest, since we're Pirates and all, that we "cannonize" them, instead of just "canonize" them.

[Ubi Dubius]

If we decided to cannonize the administrator, would we use a cap-gun?

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

I think we'd tie her to a chair, load two bullets into a revolver (in adjacent cambers), spin, shoot *CLICK*, and ask her (before we pull the trigger a second time) whether she wants us to spin the chamber again or not...

[Ham Nox]

I'd suggest Cap'n Cronan as the patron saint of bad luck, but luckily for all of us he isn't real.
...Or is he?

[Edd]

I think we'd tie her to a chair, load two bullets into a revolver (in adjacent cambers), spin, shoot *CLICK*, and ask her (before we pull the trigger a second time) whether she wants us to spin the chamber again or not...

Looking for martyr status, RRR?

[Qwertyuiopasd]

Thread Necromancy!

Just noticed that Auntie Dee Dee isn't on this list, thought she should be mentioned. She did a lot of work here, and definitely had a sense of humor (I'd say to check posts, but they're tough to find). Not sure what she should be patron saint of though. Troll-smacking? Help me out here, DaveL.

I agree with St Tristan's title, but I'm not sure about St John. First of all, won't all dear friends be missed? Secondly, I'm sure he has more defining qualities than "isn't here anymore."

Being the first we lost, I can see where it comes from, and could certainly still be something he's a patron of (don't most saints double or triple up on patronage?), but perhaps not the main thing.

[Edd]

I think it would be nice to keep St. John as an all-around, all-purpose, fill-in-the-blank saint, reminiscent of his signatures. (IMO SJtB, saint of just what you needed)

[Qwertyuiopasd]

Yes! So, unofficially he'll be the Patron Saint of fill-in-the-blank, but officially we'll just put in different things, a la his signatures.

(yes, it's intentionally backwards)

[Platypus Enthusiast]

I think it would be nice to keep St. John as an all-around, all-purpose, fill-in-the-blank saint, reminiscent of his signatures. (IMO SJtB, saint of just what you needed)

That's actually pretty genius.

[Tigger_the_Wing]

I think it would be nice to keep St. John as an all-around, all-purpose, fill-in-the-blank saint, reminiscent of his signatures. (IMO SJtB, saint of just what you needed)

That's actually pretty genius.

I agree. I'm sad that I joined too late to exchange communication with the guy.