oh my FSM! you are very talented. Have you considered FSM televangelism? I could almost imagine the sceptical crowd seeing the light after hearing that!
And Cloister spake: "Lo, I shall lead you to Fuschal, and there we shall open a temple of food, wherein shall be sausages and savoury doughnuts and all manner of bountiful things. Yea, even individual sachets of mustard. And those who serve shall wear hats of great majesty, yea, though they be made of coloured cardboard and have humorous arrows through the top."
Red Dwarf, Series 1, Waiting for God.