Talk Like A Landlubber Day - Sept 20

[DaveL]

Well, that was a rather unfortunate turn of events for that fox. Turned into a fox meat bratwurst eh? I'm sure that upper class butcher 'Frightfully Large Ronald' would be interested in Fox Meat sausages!

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

I wager Lady Tanguerra could go for a bit of Fox Meat Sausage, eh? She has been away for so very long with only Master Sanchez to... prepare meals for her Ladyship.

[pieces o'nine]

My upstairs maid informed me that Lady Tanguerra's kitchen maid ("Dentically Challenged Kathleen") once let slip that Master Sanchez is a very promising young chap of many talents. Unfortunately, I was forced to intervene when I learned that she had been sampling those talents on her afternoon off. The nerve! I had her sacked at once.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

So is that were you go every Friday evening, Pieces! We were all worried you were doing charitable acts downtown!

[pieces o'nine]

Lord Turtleholmes! One would have you horse-whipped for spreading such vile slander, but one's horses are off on holiday.

[black bart]

I don't know about the rest of you but one got rather bored riding around after a mangy old fox...one took the chance to bag a few Pheasants, Peasants, Rabbits and the like. One was just about to blast the buggery out of a huge bird in the car park of the King's Head when ones Ghillie warned me it was the landlord's Bustard...what the deuce!...said I...what's England coming to if one can't shoot a Bustard or two...plays havoc with the inheritance, what what?

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Eh indeed, my word pickle.

Why, just the other day, I was ploughing about the Portsmouth Zoo on my mighty steed, firing at the wonderful African Elephants, Giraffes and Manatees and they said I was not allowed to! Something about "protected species" or some nonsense. Why, I very nearly shot that young rapscallion's head off, but it would have splattered on my new white pantaloons.

[DaveL]

Why I love banging off an old bustard. Makes one feel all conquering over nature it does. Masters of our domain and all that!
Pity that some poor animal has to die for us to feel like that though *chortle, chortle*

[pieces o'nine]

Tut, tut, Lord DaveL, we all have our parts to play, eh what? No use bucking the natural order by shrinking from sending an old bustard clogs-up, what?

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

What-ho! Can't denounce the alacrity of marking one's place in the Animal Kingdom.

I have not dined on the burgundy liquid in a good few hours now. Pass it over, would you kindly?

[DaveL]

Why certainly good man. After which, might I interest you in a tour of my stuffed animal heads room? Awfully riveting!

[black bart]

Get stuffed!

[DaveL]

Lord Bart, what a wonderful suggestion! I shall mention to Lady DaveL, that we shall be taxidermied upon our deaths and mounted in the guest room!

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Splendid idea! I shall have Lady Turtleholmes (whoever she may be) mounted above the vestigial township as a solemn note to the populace that my door is indeed open for fine solicitations, eh wot?

[pieces o'nine]

Capital idea, Lord Turtleholmes!

Are the eligible males in your unfortunate country still soliciting suitable mail-order brides through glove marriages? If that is indeed the sad case, one cannot help but think that the prospect of being stuffed and mounted above a vestigial township would be irresistible to virtuous young ladies of bleak prospects in more civilized locales.

May one offer felicitations in advance of the happy day?